Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget
by Viburnum
Summary: AU Kai was always an enigma. However, as his past unravels in the present he must watch how Hilary, a senior in his school, and others get tangled in it. Will Kai & Hilary avoid the dire circumstances that unveil themselves? KaiHil
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Beyblade or characters. I own this story though (psst) wanna pay me? Fans start beating Ne-Never-mind.

**Author's Note:** This story is **very AU** – some of the concepts are inspired by the series and fan opinions. Though Beyblading is the target theme Kai is centralized and all the characters will have their personal matters discussed.

**Character Stats:**

**Name: Kai Hiwatari  
Age: 15  
Grade: 8**

**Status: Single but not lonely  
Bio: Can be selfish, blatantly mean to his guardian and too "perfect" for his own good. Loves and Hates to Beyblade. **

Name: Hilary (Hiromi) Tatibana

**Age: 17  
Grade: 10  
Status: Single – had somewhat of a relationship with someone called Brooklyn.  
Bio: Intelligent, a great organizer and very coy – wants to Beyblade professionally – doesn't know how truly brilliant she is. **

**Name: Tyson Kinomiya**

**Age: 22  
Occupation: University Student and Kai's guardian  
Status: Single and lonesome – his title as Beyblading World champion doesn't really make him that happy.  
Bio: Can be over talkative, clumsy and sometimes overly dependent on Kai – Kai mocks him for this – Is actually intelligent and a very good (Tolerable) Guardian.**

**Name: Akira Kinomiya  
Age: 66  
Occupation: Dojo Instructor  
Status: Grandfather to Tyson – Foster _Grandfather_ to Kai – his wife died in his fifties and his son is an archeologist. The other grandson doesn't really stay at home.  
Bio: A hyperactive man with talent – teaches Tyson and Kai kendo (mostly Tyson) – was a Beyblader. His Dragoon is inherited by Tyson.**

**Name: Tala Ivanov  
Age: It is implied he is 19  
Grade: 11  
Status: Single – seems to like a certain brunette  
Bio: Cold mannered and usually stoic – he is a mysterious senior who knows Kai: Has frequent fights with Tyson calling him the immature adult. He is a slight perfectionist.**

**Name: Serena Yutaka  
Age: 15  
Grade: 8  
Status: Is Smitten to a person – in her dreams.  
Bio: Serena is somewhat mysterious and is too caring of Kai. Because of her flirtatious attitudes with Kai and him not minding she believes she is his girlfriend.**

**Name: Rei (Raymond) Kon  
Age: 17  
Grade: 10  
Status: Seems to be more than fond of a person called Mariah  
Bio: Collective and posh – he is grand and athletic and is good friends with everyone – an aggressive tiger of a blader.**

**Name: Max Mizuhara  
Age: 14  
Grade: 7  
Status: Is Single but not satisfied with it.  
Bio: Very keen in finding his true love – eccentric due to his love for mustard and very friendly and thus loved. He is sometimes mistaken for Tyson's younger brother. **

Name: Daichi Sumeragi  
Age: 14  
Grade: 7  
Bio: Very talkative and very aggressive – loves to eat like Tyson – can be lazy in class but very active in Beyblading; Also very Kind and understanding.

**Name: Kenny Kinomoto  
Age: 19  
Grade: 11  
Status: Single – (very unhappy for that)  
Bio: A great computer whiz and is eccentric about it – his dream to finally establish the connection of Bit Beast and Human with blade. Has something called Dizzari.**

**Name: Hiro (Hitoshi) Kinomiya  
Age: 26  
Occupation: Beyblader/ Archeological Assistant/ Beyblading coach/ Graphic Designer (multitalented)  
Status: Single  
Bio: Precise and calculative – stern when needed; very methodical – also very shy in some cases: Very forward and the older brother of Tyson and Kai. **

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget**

**I **

Truly Never Meant To Understand

* * *

" _Is_ _it not a poisoned fruit you eat called life to be in this mortal universe?  
Or is it just stale – mixed with rotten and good – who can really answer?  
Living on or dying on  
Surely living shows the stale – bears the fortune  
Dying is but a void – mortal life succeeds nothing and that is all._"

* * *

Telling her to stay away is really very stupid. How can you tell your only friend to leave? I don't like her that much – she talks too much on things that really aren't **my **things. I'm not self-centered just lonely – if she tells me how she first gotten her first kiss that's great. Tampering on how it became sex isn't really necessary is it? I know it's personal and I'm glad you told me; how many girls or guys tell their opposite sex on how sex was for them the first time? But hey were the details necessary? I can't help you there – how can I? I'm still virgin. What do you expect? I'm fifteen and I think I should stay as a virgin for a while. Sex is complicated if it is done for fun – I can't really risk complication. I am already messed beyond I can understand. I do blush when she talks about breasts – haven't seen a pair in reality. What can I say maybe I am a loser to her – she laughs at how I (specifies that word as I am a great spirit or something) couldn't get laid. I tell her it's my choice – she laughs again – she thinks I'm acting stupid. I tell her to go screw around. She thinks that's mean. I apologize – she still can't believe it. 

I am Kai Hiwatari – why and how I don't get laid?

I tell her fifteen isn't a good age for sex. She wants to know if I am really a boy. I offer her if she wants to see my think to **really** know. She laughs it off and apologizing because **she was joking**. I smirk and tell her I'm going home. She wants to kiss me – I tell her how **urgently** I'm needed back home. She remembers a question: Have I ever really been kissed? I mean that was she specified –

I scram by saying byes. I don't respond to it. Guess what I am a virgin – well mostly. I have never been kissed before. Serena **shouldn't** know about that.

* * *

' Hey little bro – what's up?' that was the voice of Tyson Kinomiya. Little bro – so underrated – if we were mentally compared I think my brain spoke much on maturity compared to his. Geez, he is pathetic for a legal guardian – that's why I love him. 

' Well you're not.' I can mock him all I want, ' I see you didn't go to the university – why afraid that guy – what's his name again – oh yeah, Tala. He's challenged you hasn't it. Beyblading champ – are you scared? Guess not but you don't wanna confront him do you?'

' You little brat!' he chases me around and finally gets me. How fun, real life Tom and Jerry – ' I didn't go to my university because I don't have classes on Tuesday – besides I'm not afraid of that little demon!'

' I s'ppose you are referring to Tala.' I get up brush of dust and he is enraged-sort-of, ' How come you didn't go? You usually do extra classes or hang out.'

' Well…' he got nervous, I think I know what's coming, ' Well TALA IS CREEPY! I DON'T WANNA FIGHT HIM!'

I stare at him. Then I laugh – no one can make me laugh as he can.

' HEY!' he seems upset, ' I was being honest!'

' I know – but why Tyson?' I say between my laughs and gasps, ' He isn't that scary – he is younger than you.'

' Well I get a bad feeling from him – something about him isn't right. He talks of me as if he knows me – and then he mentions you very clearly – I don't like it how he does it. That kid is weird.' Tyson confesses.

I shot right out of my hysteria.

' I didn't know Tala mentioned me.' It was a shock actually. I don't like it.

' Well yeah he does _creepily_ l if he known you from a previous life – Kai, have you ever met Tala before?' Tyson begins and looks at me.

This was unexpected. I hate you Tala.

' No Tyson – I don't think I ever met Tala.' I don't know if he believes me, ' But do you not think he could be a stalker?'

Tyson didn't wanna believe me. He started getting suspicious – his eyes told it. But then – another unexpected event – Tyson began to panic.

' Hey What's wrong with you Kinomiya?' I address him as he was going into a fit of nervousness.

' You know what if he is stalker?' he starts I pay attention, ' Does that mean – Does it mean? – DOES HE WATCH ME WHEN I'M CHANGING MY CLOTHES!'

I don't know if I should fall down or just stare at him. Idiot, my thoughts of the moment; I think I overestimate him by calling him an idiot even subconsciously.

' Well that's good isn't it. It means you might be relieved of your single life.' I smirk.

' Last time I checked I don't think I was gay or bisexual.' Tyson answered, a bit rudely.

' Too bad for you then – Tala is hot for a guy. I s'ppose he could be gay.' I say it, it's just a joke-sort-of-thing.

' Kid I know Tala is hot for a guy – The Russian is practically loved even by girls from my class but I don't mind if he's gay. That's his decision. Like it's his decision to fight me – but I ain't fighting him – I'm actually tired of Beyblading recently. I just wanna stick to cramming and Kendo.' Tyson's statement was genuine.

That's a true shocker.

' Well World champ are you planning on leaving home then?' I asked – kinda interested in knowing.

' Well Whatcha mean?' Tyson is clueless: not the eight wonder of the world.

' Are you going to leave like your older brother Hiro – he seemed to gotten tired of blading momentarily – left when he was nineteen – haven't seen him in ages. Last time we heard of him I believe he was with your dad in an archeological dig; pretty impressive.' I fold my hands and explain.

' Yeah Kai I miss Hiro too but,' he seems to making decisions, ' I can't leave. You are my responsible and well Grandpa isn't really going to like another one of his sons leaving.'

' I think you mean all his sons.' I specified – I was adopted after all. Tyson understood my specification.

' Stop being a runt. If I left you could take care of Grandpa but – I need to be here with you…' he hugged me – I was certainly frozen – I mean Tyson showed me affectionate but with such a sudden devotion, ' I know you aren't really happy. You seemed always so distant. I love you brother – I know I can help you one day.'

I hated him for seeing the signs. Guess what I, Kai Hiwatari ain't so perfect; no one knows me – no one shall; truly never meant to understand: I guess I am cursed this way.

' Idiot.' I say to Tyson.

As I said he's pathetic that's why I love him.

* * *


	2. Silence can be an object

**Disclaimer:** Listen up People! (Microphone implanted – singing) I don't own the original no, no, no, oh no people throwing cabbages and rotten stuff Thank-you, Thank-you very much.

**Author's Note:** THANKYOU ALL YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED! Ok – to answer some of the questions of the fabulous Hilariberri – Firstly, Kai and Tyson are not really biological brothers – Kai is adopted and Tyson has now become Kai's Legal guardian, actually Tyson became the legal guardian of Kai every since he was sixteen. He loves Kai a lot and treats him as his little brother. This will be a Kai/Hilary fiction so romance will definitely be there. I wanted to experiment and see how Kai and Hilary could still be compatible and about the maturity thing – yes, they are basically on the same level though Kai is stoic and Hilary is more attentive and spiritually she is more matured because it's a gift from God to her (Thank-you Hilariberri I finally considered the maturity dissection because of you!) The truth about many people's pasts will be different and though having similarities. Also though the first chapter was in Kai's perceptive the point of views will vary. Sometimes the third-person narrative will also come along.

ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
II  
Silence can be an object**

* * *

" _Don't try to beautify that which is beautiful  
Constant force leads to negativity  
Pressures and tensions in each part of life is unnecessary  
In the freedom crafted by truth you can be never hesitant_."

* * *

Listening to the lectures is sometimes tiresome. It is especially if you think you should go somewhere else. I had that feeling now; it was really annoying. My friend kept giving me glances telling me how pathetic I looked. I really wanna stick my tongue out on her – it's not like she was really enjoying the class. If I remembered my friend really didn't at all like Biology. I liked it but instead of knowing phagocytes I wanted to go outside and get ice-cream. I was thinking of one of my favorite flavors – pistachio. I could think of melting, lovely ice-cream; what a treat! Anyway then I just decided to focus my mind again. Phagocytes were essential for my exams. I realized that the teacher wrote a note on the board with a diagram. I was skillful in copying it and sketched the diagram – then I realized it was not on phagocytes but of another topic: mitochondria. It was good because I had lost this note. God was really smiling on me today. I know I'm very meticulous concerning education, I just love knowledge and my ambition is to be a song writer. My first choice was doctor but I still love biology. People seeing my serious side in all of this calls me a seventeen year old nerd. 

I – Hilary Tatibana – don't really care. My name is actually Hiromi Tatibana. Somewhere along the way it became Hilary. I like that in some ways. But I enjoy my real name.

' Miss Tatibana could you tell me which shapes the mitochondria can be in a cell?' the teacher may have noticed I was in my own mind. He was sketching something on the board. He expected an answer even if he wasn't looking at me.

' Yes Mr. Gouda.' My friend looked at my enthusiasm with disgusted etches on her face – yes, I believe she is tired because of all that excess late night chatting with her internet friends. Besides the reason I think I was exaggerating when I said she disliked Biology – she did like it but wasn't really interested. Well I recalled and I gave my answer, ' They can rod-shaped, spherical or oval in shape.'

' Thank-you Miss Tatibana.' The teacher seemed to smile and really become satisfied.

Well I was glad as I turned around to look at my friend. She was studying a note lazily while looking at a diagram of a white blood cell. She seemed to already be asleep and then before I noticed she was with slouched shoulders sleeping. Well unfortunately the teacher noticed it.

He went forward and looked at her soft breathing and cleared her throat. My friend seemed to become so alert and she smiled apologetically. The teacher just nodded his head disapprovingly and went back to his writings on the board.

She looked so horrified and angry. Sleeping in class was never a good sign. She looked shaken and weary.

_Ming-Ming_, I thought, _Next time just don't sleep at four in the morning_.

Oops, I think I dropped my pencil. I pick up the pencil. Oh wait, I think of it, the pencil, it doesn't seem to be mine – it was _his_. Well I hope I'll get to return it someday. Though I just hope he can come back to study in Japan later on.

* * *

' Well can you believe that I have this huge mathematics text on Wednesday! Great! I was hoping to read this new volume I bought of Inuyasha. Talk about bad timings.' Rei looked really disappointed. I think I can understand. Bearing wasn't really all that easy. 

' Well I don't know they are going to teach in pure mathematics class this Thursday. So far I think I aced all the new stuff – I think its pretty challenging.' She was talking very fast it felt she was ignoring Rei's distress.

' Oh C'mon Mariah Pure Math.' Ming-Ming looked disgusted and disapproving, ' I prefer Accounting – that's more associated with the real world. Though my interests go elsewhere –

You got me itching for you  
I plant you more kisses Yeah  
Give me time to say "I love you"  
Because I'm burning up to just say those words!"

' Ming-Ming; did you write those words.' I appreciated her talents: she really was built for singing.

' Yup – very soon I'm gonna be a star – you know I already got several offers!' Ming-Ming looked really elated. I was really happy for her.

' That's great girl.' I wink at her with my playful happiness. It's nice because already she was the most acclaimed singer of our school doing many projects and shows. Definitely a lot of people engaged in the world of talent-searching had seen her.

' Well I hope you don't drop out of school.' Mariah folded her arms and took a dictating stance with a severity, ' You know it's good to have a good graduation from one section of your senior life in high-school.'

' Well, I don't know about that but I definitely will not miss my chances.' Ming-Ming looked too determined. I really couldn't agree to that.

' I think Mariah's right – you should stay if you can.' I explained while she narrowed her eyes, ' It's good to have other sorts of knowledge. It really helps you in the long run – of course that choice is basically up to you. You should think it over.'

' Well I may be a good student.' Ming-Ming looked ignorant and determined in her own way, ' But Whatever to it. For me my most important thing is singing. So please don't go on lecturing me on how school is like so in.'

' Well I know I am nerd but I guess everyone realizes how important school is.' I think about it and say it to her with Mariah giving a nod that showed she liked my ingenuity.

Ming-Ming stared at me, ' Yeah I know; you're right you are a nerd.'

* * *

' Going home isn't as simple as it seems  
Where is your shelter? Do you know?  
Perhaps your heart can never know  
Let it try; Trying makes things easier – I see it as the only answer… 

Maybe you have told me your story  
Maybe I thought you were thinking something else  
If I couldn't try to listen to your heart  
I can never listen not even with a second chance

You were wounded; broken wings dismayed and scarred  
I can't rescue you – shall never try  
Trying makes things easier  
Your trying has died.'

I sing this invented song as I walk home. Besides me is no one. My classes were over so I trudge in a silence that is my object. In my silence soon I feel some words and soon the song automatically starts. I do not name the song but then I see someone who allows me to give the name – "So Still."

He seemed like a Beyblader meticulously making his beyblade sprint and swirl, twist and deepens as if he was in a beybattle with an opponent. Unfortunately, I see no one else with him. He seemed so forsaken from anything that his beyblade that I become mesmerized. There is a certain beauty in his way of focus. I was too into his actions that I knock down a schoolbag that was perched next to a claw-type design in the walls of a stranger's house. As the bag falls so does its contents: the notepads and notes scatter in a pile – I know I was in about a hurry to organize them; how clumsy and disrespectful.

I organize everything in a neat pile – there seems to be some scratches and definitely "cite notes". Obviously it was understood; Shakespeare's Anthony and Cleopatra was being dissected then I saw some extremely challenging calculus sums done with productive methods. He definitely took his work seriously.

' I see you have a good hand in organizing. Even I'm not so proficient in that.' An unknown voice complimented me with a certain nature of vast appreciation.

I look up to see the mysterious Beyblader. I conclude it was his things I had dropped – I was immediately apologetic, ' I'm sorry – really this wasn't my intention.'

' Yes, I know – when I Beyblade people usually get hypnotized because I am the best. Thank-you, it's great to know you are nice.' He smirked and retrieved his belongings and expected an introduction or else why would he still be present?

I know it was rude but I had to say it, ' It's nice to know you don't suffer from low self-esteem.' My voice was emotionless.

That really caught him off-guard but he was unprepared. From the bemused look to the confident, ' Well, weren't you looking at my Beyblading?'

' Well, yes.' It was done with a sort of effort. I was mesmerized but he didn't have to be egotistical and well he wasn't off-guard anymore.

' See there.' Mr. Cocky through and through: he was confidence incarnated, ' My blading skills are the best.'

' I think a professional blader can certify that.' I defy his self-remark with a tone of definite confidence: I shouldn't be off-guard, ' An audience may be enough but some of these cases are decided usually by an opponent.'

He didn't seem bemused but agreed, ' Yeah you're right – but when I see a pretty girl captivated with my blading skills I think I score.' Though he spoke with little emotion that was with a smile: pretty unexpected.

Well, a second compliment, ' I'm sorry I can't agree you are the best. Being in love with your own talent to that extent isn't healthy.'

' Well so shouldn't you.' I got confused as he closed his eyes and spoke that though not finished, ' It isn't healthy to be narcissistic.'

' How –how was I being narcissistic?' it was really something I never claimed to. I was confused not annoyed but he smirked.

' Well I guess my mistake.' He smiled, ' Usually pretty girls are narcissistic.'

I blushed a little – he was right close to my face. Was that proper? Well he didn't mind or acknowledge it, ' Thanks again – by the way – I am –' he extended his hand I took it, ' Tala Ivanov.'

' I'm Hilary Tatibana.' I shake his hand: I don't think he realizes the fact that I am uncomfortable: he was so close to my face with his attractive features. He seemed like a foreigner and I couldn't believe his confidence. I have to blush myself red as if my blood was dancing.

' Well –' he moves away – a big relief to my breathing and my face, ' I think we go to the same high school. I think you were called Hiromi Tatibana right?'

' Yeah.' I was a bit surprised that he did know me. He did look like a senior and I believe I remember a Tala Ivanov who was said to be a Russian senior and a prodigy. He was also reputed to be a infamous Beyblader – Wait was it the Tala Ivanov?

' Yeah now I remember.' He smirked as I listened to what he recollected, ' Your name in a way became Hilary when Mr. World Champion Tyson Kinomiya accidentally heard your name was Hilary not Hiromi when you met him in a private party.'

Somewhere along the way…yes it did change, ' I didn't mind people calling me Hilary because Tyson thought that it was a good nickname. I kinda agree with him'

' Well Hilary or Hiromi I think they suit you both because they are both cute as you.' He was brave enough to say it without blushing – smiling and confident. Well I was the opposite. ' Well I have to be going. I've been here for over five hours waiting for that bitch Kinomiya to show up.'

' Were you supposed to battle with him?' I asked looking a bit flabbergasted. This guy waited for five hours – that was **phenomenal**.

' Yeah I challenged him. You know it isn't like Tyson Kinomiya to back out of a battle –' he looked really restless and frustrated, ' Did you tell him to back off Kai?' he seemed to be questioning in a self-questioning way though it was mentioned to someone called Kai. Who was Kai?

' Huh.' I really wanted an explanation.

' Well I guess I gotta go you know. I guess I'll talk to you later – I hope I do.' He didn't answer but winked at me.

He left and I was a bit perplexed. He wasn't talking about Kai Hiwatari was he? I heard he was Tyson's younger adopted brother. I saw him once and I do not recall anyone mentioning to me that Tala knew him. I glanced at the person known as Kai Hiwatari only once during Basketball practice – he seemed to be one of the youngest members. He look very uninterested to what everyone around him was doing. He seemed to stoic and it bothered me for some reason. Well, I guess he was bit introverted and it really wasn't a matter to be concerned about.

' Your trying had died…  
You cried tears for once  
What will you do?  
Can you escape?  
Can you reincarnate?  
Take my hand – I'll help you to try…'

I don't what lines those should be and for which song. I still like the melody. It really makes some painful distance ebb away I feel.

* * *


	3. Iris Enigma

**Disclaimer:** Extrae, Extrae! Read all about it! Vignette does not own Beyblade original story!

**Author's Note:** I give my **_love _**and **_Gratitude_** to -  
**_Angel Of Suicide  
.Hilariberri  
Nubia  
Thank-you_** you sweet people for thinking my story is something that is to be praised. Though sweat drop/blush I think it may be inferior to other stories (he he gulp)

Ok, to be honest I was going for the mystery approach and I still am – but – here are some answers. Obviously it was stated that Tala had a crush on a certain brunette: specifically Hilary. Hilary may also like Tala too – who wouldn't have temptations over a red-headed attractive Russian? It may even blossom to deeper feelings but truthfully that's a may so possibly for Hilary it may remain as an attraction. Kai and Hilary haven't met yet but they will there has to be a "something" I know it is frustrating but this is actually needed. Hilary and Ming-Ming as friends – nothing preplanned; thought struck about it so I thought ok. As this is AU there are many different facets that I will explain in the oncoming chapters – this include the multitalented but slightly stoic Hiro (Hitoshi) Kinomiya. Also this chapter is definitely something that came out of the darkness of night – BY THE WAY IN MY TOWN IS A FULL MOON FLOATING GLORIOUSLY IN THE NIGHT-AURA. I WISH IT WERE MY LOVER…uh-uhum uh blushes - Well I hope you guys enjoy the story.

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
III  
Iris Enigma  
**

* * *

Gasping was something I usually don't do. Swimming, I usually don't really indulge in either. I guess sometimes I get carried away by the meadows and the fields, with their greenery and the essence of flowers. I appreciate the intimacy I have with my lady-bug and how I am not pestered. Difficult really avoiding that weird man Boris but I surely suffice in distracting his attentions in his business and what-not he cares. I love the fields and I love the lad-bugs with flowery type black spots. When I look at these things I remind myself that I am these things. Beautiful and perfect – yes, I am being narcissistic but I can't reason to it in another manner. Well, I am influenced by my foster father Boris telling me how truly reminiscent he feels when he sees me. The recollection is when he saw this artist try to do painting of a red-headed man who was like his lover. He says that the man was dead but he was successful and truly had potential – his artist try to portray that. Boris says the fields do this favor to me. 

I, Brooklyn Kingston, am an immaculate organ for him. I suppose I am narcissistic because I never need to have a lonely night if I wish to and I'm only nineteen.

Tonight, I was lonely. Well, not really – well not physically. I am not really narcissistic but I forgot how empty my life is when I act narcissistic. It makes Boris happy. Sex makes the girls happy. I'm never happy though.

When I opened my stationary case today to sketch a girl I slept with last night. I couldn't find my favorite pencil.

' Hey hurry up…' she whined flirtatiously; indicating mid-way she would like me to engage with her again. I really didn't mind or get even an inch excited. I had a worry.

Where was my favorite pencil?

' Where did I keep you?' I ask myself audibly and Kristen, a sort-of girlfriend of mine, was staring.

' Hey Brooklyn is something wrong?' she was being genuinely worried though she just loved me for sex.

' I can't find her.' I say it to her: she stares.

' **Her** – who or what is **her **-?' she was bemused: I think she got over to me though she was completely naked.

' My favorite pencil.' I know I look like a five-year old who thinks his mother doesn't love him anymore, ' I lost _Hilary_.'

Kristen looks at me with disgust, ' You named your favorite sketch tool after a whore you met three years ago.'

I never disrespected Kristen but then; ' I didn't know Hilary had to screw her principal just to make her dad happy.'

' Brooklyn…' Kristen started with tears in her eyes.

' Leave and never come back.' I tell her.

She knows her mistake. She knows my cruelty. I just can't forgive when it comes to her.

Kristen leaves and then I remember. I gave Hilary to Hilary. I named my pencil after her – because she is ethereal.

Well then I had it decided to go to the sea nearby. I took a deep in it and I remembered Hilary hugging me. She hugged me often as a friend. I always craved to be her lover. Her man only – she was now seventeen; wonder what new beauties would etch her skin, hair, mind and soul.

I am in love with you Hiromi Tatibana. I always will love you – as a friend or as a love. I'm evidently secured that I shall love you.

* * *

Boris was always a person in charge. From childhood he played a sort-of heir to a man named Voltaire. Voltaire was very much like Boris – emotionless and brutal in the fashion that could deem you insane. But Boris was a different kind of gem. He was quite in a varied level. Well I must praise him because he is my father. 

Well Boris killed Voltaire: when that old man asked Boris to kill a young boy named Kai Hiwatari, who was also Kai's grandson. Boris shot the grandfather instead. Oops.

Actually Boris talked to Voltaire about Kai's skills. He told him that Kai should not be killed due to the fact that Kai was able to control a bitbeast called Black Dranzer. Me, I thought Black Dranzer was nothing but crap that really wasn't worth even a drop of piss. Well, I think Zeus dominates Black Dranzer. Well, Voltaire had had enough of his rebellious grandson who he thought was planning on escaping. The truth was yeah – Kai was escaping because he hated his grandfather – not the phenomenon of science that needs the Nobel price. Boris thought that Kai was needed. He argued with Voltaire but Boris didn't really like the old man's bossy attitude.

When the gun was given and the person to aim with Voltaire's command, ' Shoot him.' Turns over to his grandson, ' I am ashamed of you Kai. This is the reward you get for adamancy and recklessness. I hope you meet your bastard father in hell. He was a disappointment too – died in grief for that Japanese whore who was your mother. She died giving birth to a disappointment just like _daddy_.'

' Guess he gets your weak balls doesn't he grandfather.' This from a seven-year old boy who was going to be killed, he was having a gun pointed at his face!

Could I explain my laughter? I was on the ground almost out – Boris giggled like a schoolgirl and joining me on the floor was Bryan, Spencer and Ian – only that other redhead Tala was being sympathetic – he is a dickless weirdo. I guess I am the redhead who is better that thou.

' You – imbecile!' Voltaire doesn't like a rat spreading plague on his balls, he punched Kai. Kai didn't even blink.

He shuddered because of the blood; seemed to be hypnotized by his own command of words. I support that little bastard – ' Well grandfather.' He seemed strangely happy, ' If there is something wrong with me it could be genetic with your balls and brain being retarded I guess I have to be a bit edgy.'

Kid knows how to hit a nerve, ' KILL HIM NOW BORIS! NOW!' he was the most enraged. This was a new face for Voltaire Zinoviy.

' Sure.' Boris had a vulpine essence to him. Somehow via some means I knew his calculation. He is a strategist through and through.

SHOT. Voltaire realizes a bullet has gone through his abdomen. The blood pool is his to have not his grandson's. This was a difficulty. A plan astray can be a bitch.

' Bo-Boris…' he looks. I look – even Kai is so stunned. Poor kid – I can see Bryan, Spencer, Ian and even Tala look so transfixed. Yeah this one's a winner.

' Well you did say him…' Boris never looked more sinister, ' You **both** are male. You both can be **him** to me – **everyone here is a he**…_sorry_ _sir I was so confused_…'

Voltaire crumbles to the floor and I have to see Kai's expression. He was so shocked and his genetic stoic expressions were long vanished. I feel for him in a way. He was not insane like Boris or his dying relation. He was in a fashion angelic.

' Boris you bastard…' he couldn't keep the inundation of blood calmed. The man was ready to kick the bucket. Yes, I throw sadism here.

Boris goes and steps on his blood-filled wound. That was a torture that made even the brutal Bryan gasp. Too much of lunacy can captivate my observations: Boris sure can win the humanitarian price for downright good respect for a very deserving candidate.

' You old fool…' he angrily pressurized his foot on the bleeding cave. Yes, Boris Valkov was disappointed, ' You are an idiot and I have suffered from your idiocy far enough! Do you know how long it took me to make Black Dranzer! You expected me to relieve myself of the only pupil who would able to wield! Zinoviy you are the bastard!'

WHAM!

The unexpected punch by the once shocked Hiwatari: he was strong for a seven year old. No wonder he was the only person…who beat me in Beybattle…I hate you…

' Stop.' It was solemnly said with respect, ' As much as his character may contradict it. He is still a living creature. Let him die in peace.' Well that was noble but you forget the word human. Hmph, I know that bastard with Boris aren't humans.

Kai kneeled down and grabbed his grandfather's hand, ' Sorry grandpa.' That was a very friendly word for that monster. He even smiled, ' Sorry for vexing you. I'm sorry you have to die. You were my only family. But I think you must admit I am my own person like you were yours – you shouldn't have turned out this way. I really needed you as a father.'

Voltaire then…started crying – he died like that. Kai had tears in his eyes. Kai was willing to weep for a monster. I will never understand Kai Hiwatari.

' Well.' Kai seemed to be decided about something; ' I'm leaving as soon as my grandfather is buried. I will leave.'

' _Ka_i.' It was Boris snake-tongue hissing: seething with the pressures of a boiler hungry to burn, ' **You** **can't leave**.'

Kai was surely confident though at the moment I was confused to why – ' Yes I can Boris.' He smiled, ' If there is no Black Dranzer you won't really need me right?'

At first all of us were confused. Then it hit Boris like lead hits a magnet, 'YOU!' he was in completely shock and rage, ' YOU DESTROYED MY PRECIOUS BLACK DRANZER!'

Kai brought out a smashed up blade and bit-chip. It was Black Dranzer looking as if he'd been rotting for over a year – it couldn't be recognized. I was really impressed and shocked so were the other boys. This was an achievement.

Kai threw it at the monster, ' Well my precious Dranzer did her job pretty good. I'm satisfied with her and she me. Don't try to stop me Boris – because as I see you need to go back to the drawing board and well I'll leave this demented playground – Abbey – to you. Who knows maybe you'll get arrested. I hear the BBA has been very resourceful nowadays – they even can get a spy to infiltrate a certain abbey.'

' Kai.' Boris clutched the broken blade and looked at him with vehemence. I think there was a spy. Kai was his name.

' Oh please you think I would escape and leave everyone behind!' Kai seemed to look pretty angered, ' I ain't no idiot! I hope you deserve what comes to you…right now I'm going to pack my bags…I'll leave soon…'

' Where will you go…?' Tala really was panicky; I knew he cared about Kai, ' Are you sure you're going to be ok?'

' Tala I can handle it.' Kai seemed pretty happy. He smiled. Damn, if there a shooting I'd wish to know on how the unpredictable happens.

' Kai…can I come with you…?' I never expected the older boy to be that sentimental. Yeah he was prodigious and three years younger than me but geez: Dickless Redhead.

' No…Tala…you can't…' Kai took Tala's hand, ' Tala…we were being trained to be like monsters in this abbey. Though you are like my brother and I love you that way. We should try to live new lives now. The BBA is very near and I think we should forget about what happened here.'

' You ask me to do something impossible.' Tala looks too sad.

' I know.' Kai starts to walk away. He really was leaving…

I grab his shoulder, ' Don't forget.' I smile at him, ' Our rematch.'

He looks coldly at me, ' I'll **definitely** forget about that.'

I pressurize my grip and look at him so fiercely, ' Don't you dare Hiwatari.' I seem to be hypnotized and insane for I see surprise in Kai's eyes, ' You think Boris will lose easily. You think he'll get caught that easily. Spy or no spy your trick won't stop him or me. I am Boris's boy – it'll be useful to stick around with him. I know I'll have that rematch.'

' In your dreams.' Kai let off from my grip walked away…that scene is still implanted in my mind…it feels like yesterday though it happened eight years ago…

I hear Kai is adopted by a Japanese family titled Kinomiya. He doesn't change his name to Kai Kinomiya – It's Kai Hiwatari – always Hiwatari. In actuality is should be Kai Zinoviy – from his father and grandfather – or Kyosato like his mother's and her biological father's: instead it is Hiwatari – named after the last name of his mother's stepfather. It suits him well though.

Ian has moved to Japan also – though I do not know where he lives – he still suffers from slight symptoms of tuberculosis. He is still strong as always. I hear he is sixteen now just like Bryan, who might live with Sergei somewhere in America. Spencer's real name Sergei is much better – he changed his name so he could remember that he was another person aside from the abbey.

And Tala.

Still a genius – still proving to break boundaries: He's sixteen but poses as a nineteen year old so no one will know how brilliant he is to be ineleventh grade. Dickless Redhead.

I didn't really know why I recalled about Kai. I haven't in a long while though I remember my challenge to him. Possibly I was seeing my reflection on sea-water and saw my eyes. Specifically my irises – I know Kai's one are a enigma changing from simple lighter red to intense crimson. He told me my eyes were strange – though emerald they became into slits like a cat at times – glassy fangs wanting to devour something, he told me that. I pride my cat eyes though – I love Sephiroth and it's cool to have that guy's trait. **His** irises are a real enigma though.

I recall my pencil Hilary. I miss the feel of her in my arms. I miss ethereal Hilary in my arms. The pencil is a bad imitation of her. Hilary is someone who can't have a replica. She is too profound like the waves of the sea.

* * *


	4. Withdrawn and Drawn

**Disclaimer:** oro I seem to have lost my favorite story that I created! in the background Takao Aoki sniggering and soon talks Yes with this girl's Beyblade thingy I will make money! Pots of it! I'll be making the leprechauns deals! - waking up from a coma Wh-what oh no I'm in the real world again where I don't own Beyblade looks at the nurse who is shocked Could you please hit me with an anvil?

**Author's Note:** Thank-you all who reviewed – Oh to clear a confusion Hilary didn't sleep with her principal. It was a sarcastic, cruel in which Brooklyn made the girl Kristen recall her own actions. Well the last chapter was explanatory to some of the things of Kai and Tala including Brooklyn I hope. Their characteristics are established – Tala and Kai have a brotherhood they aren't really rivals. Tala feels for Kai and visa versa though Tala is more sentimental when he exhibits his feelings in the other hand Kai is very stoic and feels very unable to do sentimental actions at the moment. Brooklyn is basically the person Kai must deal with but Kai doesn't consider him that much of a rival at all though Brooklyn admires and hates Kai at the same time. Kai and Hilary haven't met yet, yes, that is disappointing but please waits.

Fic Oh Fic Where art thou? ok enough joking

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I can Forget  
IV  
Withdrawn and Drawn**

* * *

Maybe I shouldn't go to school today. I wasn't really feeling like to. My bones were aching due to maybe my excessive strokes at yesterday's kendo practice. Grandpa told me not to swing that hard. I should have listened to my teacher. If I were younger I would have laughed at that remark. Anyways there is always a duel reason if I can remember – yup, it was that reason. Should I go or stay? That was a difficult question – I think I should go today. Have this physics class today about some stuff that I really don't know and I think it would be unwise not to attend. Surely, I accidentally throw my pillow on the floor. Was it careless or frustration to go? I think about it and chose the former, the latter seemed unreasonable. I was busying myself with freshening up when I realized that I was going to be a bit late. It really didn't matter; guess I had a very personal reason for being late. I was hungry. Yeah, couldn't properly eat my dinner last night. The thought of that something kept me too occupied to enjoy Grandpa's mixed ingredient stew. There could be leftovers and I might have them for breakfast. Yum – really.

I, Kai Hiwatari, looking so eager about food; Tyson would be prepared to suffocate himself. That reason I contemplated was Serena who sometimes bothered me.

Intellectually Serena was spotless as her grades were truly impressive but sometimes Serena's flirtatious attitude got me worried. I hope she didn't expect me to woo her. That would be my perfection because she was an excellent friend who I wanted as my friend. Perfection, did I have any? Will Serena succeed in tempting me a life with her? Sometimes I get bored and annoyed that my heart needed love. Well I guess everyone needs it in their own fashion. I was being spoiled by the view that how teenagers needed to be engaged with someone. The thought in actuality made me sick. Because of these weird suggestions a certain few get to be outcasts. Whoever gave stereotypical a throne must be assassinated.

I just want to see what she talks of today: hopefully not her old boyfriend that she really liked and finally gave her virginity too. He seemed to be virgin also so I guess it was quid pro quo. Yet she seemed so eager and extremely happy about it honestly it seemed more like a one-sided affair. I mean the boy may not be a jerk and does still cherish her but at least I believe he respects the intimacy of privacy. I loathe saying it but Serena shouldn't really indulge in this information so much. I appreciate her honesty but it is mentioned so constantly that it really gives me discomfort. I sometimes feel that she must be hurt because evidently it is now her ex-boyfriend. Such sadness: the way she talks about it I don't think it turned out that well in the end…

Sympathy is there – though it can't be pity. Pity is done mostly in the negative way; to the person who has become disgraced. But Pity isn't always that. I realized Serena wasn't always so eager. She might be trying to escape something too.

Sometimes I question if that's the reason she was my friend? Could be, could be not? A situation Hamlet would say "To Be or not to be…"

Well it's time to get breakfast. I snigger with a comic dastardly face. The leftovers are mine Tyson.

* * *

' So is your older brother going to university today…I told him I'll give him more details on Dragoon…I hope he went today. I thought he was going to come yesterday but Tyson seemed to forget that I was going to be around…' the hyper sort of voice belonged to an older acquaintance. His extremely shady glasses reminded me of Rikku's goggles from Final Fantasy –X.

' I s'ppose Kenny but…I wouldn't count on it.' I told the nineteen year old who I was a few inches taller than, ' Because he's been slagging sometime.'

' NO!' The young brunette seemed paralyzed by the terror of not meeting Tyson Kinomiya. Several other fifteen year olds were staring at his behavior. He was in my physics class after all. Even Serena looked piqued with interest.

' Chill man. ' I try to calm Kenny, though the poor fellow looked disappointed beyond repair, ' I think you should go over there. The university isn't so far away.'

' Ok, Ok…' Kenny calmed down and before I, or any one else knew it, he just galloped away like a wild horse. I knew the wild one's destination though.

' He's pretty unique isn't?' Serena has come over. Her shoulders on my desk; her eyes on Kenny and her voice sweetened by automatic observation and admiration; I can never dissuade the fact that she is beautiful.

' Yeah he is.' I smile at her. She is gracious in smiling seductive-like. I think her charm can be liked at times.

Then I see him.

Tala Ivanov

' I'm coming back Serena.' I get up and started running.

' Sure.' I hear her bemused voice

* * *

' So did you tell him Kai?' it was a demand. Tala seldom demanded in a very furious way. He mostly requested. It is his genius that astounds many – even me. I know Tala Ivanov and he mostly knows me – I'm proud of her subtle friendship.

' Tala, how can you tell Tyson so much about me?' my demand: I think he knows, my eyes are narrowed.

' That's not the point!' it's his outlook. He was frustrated. I really can't concern now.

' Yes it is!" I urged on my intentions, ' How can let Tyson get the fact that we know each other! That's a point Tala! I thought I told you that we must maintain our separate ways!'

Tala gave a look that showed meager interest, ' Well, its not my fault if your brother Tyson Kinomiya is World Champion. Thus a potential candidate for me to fight it, you know we will definitely crossed paths.'

' That's a lie.' My teeth are somewhat gritting, ' You can't be so assured of that Tala. You confronted Tyson to know how I was doing.'

Tala stared.

So did I.

Can I win this competition?

Or will be drawn towards this other man?

I admire him so much that I can't see him losing; that hurts me…but…

' Kai, I worry about you…' Tala's confession gives me the victory.

' Worry, about what Tala?' I wasn't emotionless but I cared that he worried. Though I know I'm alone in my fight to keep myself from seeing something useful.

' Don't fake healthiness Kai!' Tala was angered now, ' You look so distant nowadays I worry so much for you! I don't know where you're going! But…I don't want you to be alone…you are special to me. You said we were like brothers – I still believe in that.'

' Tala – I ' I was really unearthed from emotionless. Tala promised to look after me…but…I have to tell him that he can't help me…is that disastrous… ' Tala go away! I don't think you'll understand!' …yes…

I draw my beyblade

' Fight me **Ivanov**!' I cry out with such formal rudeness that I know I have hurt him, ' I challenge you to a duel.'

He looks disdained – in his own way – he turns to ice – slipping away from feeling: a mechanical piece of ice. The one I call Cyber-Tala.

Tala readies himself.

I do too.

This will be a good battle.

Soon he launches, ' Let it Release!'

Release?

The beyblade goes right out the building to the grounds below. We were in a renovating classroom.

' I'll have to go…' Tala drowns his voice in a mechanical sea, ' My beyblade is out in the grounds…'

' Tala!' I shout as he seems to be leaving, ' What is this! You are insulting me by not accepting my challenge!' I was more than disappointed. Why wouldn't he fight me? It was unnatural. Actually it was natural.

' Well so did you.' He seemed to want to escape. Escape from me

I hurt my best friend Tala Ivanov.

* * *

' Kai! Buddy! Go to the grocer! I need you to buy some things!' Grandpa was telling me. Was I listening? I guess though I think I feel asleep as I came home. Serena was worried about me. When I said it was a "beybattle gone wrong" she understood. Well partially…

' Sure Grandpa.' I bid well-off to my grandfather Akira Kinomiya as I step out. It's funny I love him and listen to him. I never could listen to or love Boris or Voltaire. My teachers: or monster-makers: both I suppose in the demented ways of parallelism.

I guess I can feel the pain of living in yesterday and today at the same time. It feels unbelievably wretched if your memories are not euphoric. I was tired today. I wanted to apologize to Tale but…he seemed to be off to challenge Tyson. He was in the cafeteria having lunch with a friend. I was going to approach him then…well, Tyson caught his attention then – poor brother, Tyson must have come by the request of Kenny. He wasn't expected a redheaded opponent to be so nearby.

Tala made a dash leaving his friend behind flabbergasted.

Friend

What was it like? To have a true friend…you can be uncensored with?

I have a beautiful friend in Serena, Tala and Tyson – but I cannot be naked in front of them. It feels like pornography – why does it? Am I scarred that badly?

I am scared.

I don't wanna be – but it comes naturally – but I have expertise in putting it aside – like a worn out doll.

I have done it so many times

Done it when my biological grandfather was rough on me with his insults on my mother; Matoko Kyosato.

Done it when Boris told me I was the perfection which could seize the powerful darkness of that trash Black Dranzer.

Done it when that gunshot was meant for me

Done it when I told Tala we must go our separate ways

Done that again today…

History can repeat itself when one allows it too.

' That'll be…' the cashier gives me my vegetables and spaghetti cans which I have bought.

I hear someone behind me very feminine saying (I presume the person a girl), ' So are you going to come back?'

At first I thought she was talking to someone on a cellphone because we were the only ones in the store. Then I slightly see her reflection. I was bemused and hypnotized.

She was talking…to a pencil…

Uh…that was amusing and…strangely cute…the pencil too…

That's when I heard someone call me.

We both turn.

I look outside the store.

Yet her eyes – they were looking at me…I feel it…Why? Why do you stare like you know me?

* * *


	5. Camouflaged Dream

**Disclaimer:** I know I own Beyblade paces around Yes! I'll assassinate Aoki Takao! In prison – failed attempt Geez why does he still have to own the original story! The inmate Gal, you need to come back to reality.

**Author's Note:** Thank-you to all those who reviewed! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Yes I've listened to the request of Angel of Suicide and put this in the K/H section. Well to note two or three of these current chapters will be mentioning the recent past – somewhat necessary. So bear with me k. Ok, Angel Of Suicide asked me how I update so fast: Firstly, it's the **love and support** of Angel Of Suicide, Nubia and .Hilariberri, Secondly, I have been using my writing as my lovely present recreation and Thirdly, I am focused on this story **_Thank God_** for the ideas I'm receiving for it!

To the fic we shall go!

* * *

" _Your_ _heart may be untended;  
A soulless void to which you feel never inserted,  
Do not think you are so dead and decayed in the requiem of sins  
Your forgiveness God will reward whence you are in belief that thou is not effortless_."

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
V  
Camouflaged Dream**

* * *

Wired and programmed **is** a very confusing thing. With each new vein of inserted duty you become more into a trance. I feel that way too many times. Still do, how uncertain and certain is the whole feeling I really can't understand. My confusion leads to suffering – that is very much clear. Why do I care? Why do I push myself? Why do…do I still live? Maybe I had planned to die convincing myself that it would be right. Definitely a bad choice for an eight year old but I decided on it so suddenly that it became like an obsession: a subtle one – it was just too graphically insane to me now. It really wasn't a good idea and I really was idiotic beyond normal stupidity to have thought it was an answer. Really immature – something a person of my upbringing and natural prodigy thought could never happen. The enlightenment is that we are all human beings and that perfection is a camouflaged dream. Was it really? Yes – I realized the "yes" – everyone has their own fashion of limitations. I never was happy to be "perfect" as Boris called me – it was a sad affair to me. I wanted to run away with a mistake and gain an education from it. 

I, Tala Ivanov, want to have certain excuses; certain flaws that's add to the usual concoction of being a human. In the mortal dimension beauty needs flaw to be beautiful.

Guessing that was always the right thing to think of. However I see it it's just like that – limited but unlimited. When I first saw pain; I think I had just opened my eyes and learned locomotion. It's hard having to see such a disgrace to yourself; why do people defile and disintegrate things that are actually important.

I was once completely human. Then became partially human; now I'm mostly human – except a few bugs here and there that makes me somewhat incomplete as a human being. I really can't feel sorry for myself. Judy Mizuhara, a great scientist, did all she could. Hmmm, I wonder what Max is doing right now?

Mustard freak

* * *

' Tell me your name.' she asked me so beautifully in a plain, comfortable way that instead of being happy and fine I became tediously nervous. I was already exhausted and her questioning lips made me irresistibly on a guard that I knew I couldn't abandon. It's hard being human. 

' You already know it.' My bluntness made it sound like a retort. My brows were too much frowned too much narrowed that my eyes could see her as an x-ray or try to. Damn, how does that Superman character do it?

' Well a file can't talk to me.' She became like a judge of philosophy; carefully showing how a living being was more than a miracle comparatively to computers and other mechanical or electronic devices, ' You have a voice, tell me.' I was only half the miracle – her softly toned words made me become too melancholic.

' I'm project T-2type 21.' It became impregnated in me that before I was able to get my grip I became emotional.

' What…?' she was so bemused; the pen she was holding fell down from her hand on to the desk. A soft thud and her eyes and heart mimicked it – it is a growing volume to a pinnacle of transfixion.

' That's my name – ' it was true in its right, my voice cooled as an air-vent. The robot in me came alive, ' Tala Ivanov was a human being existing to be a game or shall I say a sort of a medium to reach a state of accomplishment in science.'

' Right,' she picks up her pen again and writes in a nice looking diary, ' Tala Ivanov – it says here you're eight? When is your birthday?'

This time I am bemused. Can't she see it? I'm not really talking in riddles! I'm freaking telling her **who** and **what** I am! How dare she ignore this! What the fuck is her problem!

' Fuck you! You American slut!' I get up from my chair and grab her collar. She seems unnerved, ' You are stupid and definitely idiotic!'

She manages (though my grip was light) to take my hands off but then she looks at me through reading glasses, ' American Slut isn't a month Tala. Stop joking around and tell me when and which year you were born.'

I think she got me in her spell. I returned to my seat. I was too much…too much…perturbed and…ashamed…

' Madam I –' I was too nervous to look at her, I was feeling degraded for my own actions, ' I was born on November fourteenth: nineteen-ninety.'

' Really how nice. So you are eight.' She smiled and wrote that down. ' By the way I think your birthday is very near – do you like vanilla or chocolate?'

' What…?' I guess I sort of mumbled. My voice is drowned.

' Well my Maxi's birthday isn't really near but cake is ok for you right, I think we'll celebrate it – oh yeah – I think you share a birthday with that other boy: Kai Hiwatari – isn't that nice.' She smiled and noted that down in her nicely furnished journal.

' He says he doesn't want to meet me anymore – he says…he says we have to lead separate lives now…' I think she looks at me upset, don't know why, ' I…I can't take it…I can't I…I…am afraid…I…'

Before I knew it…she was right there for me…hugging me…I hadn't realized…it's just been too long…I was really crying…

' I need Kai – he was my best friend…' I sobbed because I felt someone close to me had died. In fact it was true in a way: could I never see Kai again? Could I never pick apples with him again? That's how we started becoming friends – I was five he was four. I was a prodigy – so was he – but I can't believe…he was going to lead a different life now.

When Kai came to the abbey – he was beaten. He was crying – Boris said he must endure spiritual pain as if it were physical pain. So he was beaten. I remember his agony – he felt humiliated and so much in hell. I saw him when the boys were having lunch – he couldn't eat his food: the poor kid was too much in shock – it was horrible. Later on in the field when we were picking apples: I told him he could secretly eat one – he was afraid. I told him the only thing that mattered was that he was hungry. He ate his fill of three apples, and then he hugged me. I hugged him back then he said his birthday was months away and that it was going to be lonelier now because he was in this abbey. That's when I found out that he had my birthday – I said the best present would be if we grew up and survived together. He was so overjoyed that he cried – saying he never had gotten a present. I said I had – the last one when I was three. That's when my mom left me.

' He still is your best friend…' the young lady hugged me, ' He's afraid as you. He's afraid that you all might get into trouble if you stayed together. The BBA wasn't really successful in keeping Boris for long in prison. He got a short sentence and he'll be out soon. By that time however we'll monitor him and you'll be no longer project T-2type 21. I'll de-cyber-nize you. I know how you have those alterations in your body. The only thing that may not change is that your emotions can be a bit limited. Yet your will may destroy that. Then you can live with me and Maxi.'

' Why?' I cried, ' Why are you helping me?'

' Because you remind me of Max. You can also be my son – besides everybody needs parents.' She hugged me.

' I want…I want to just go away…' I think I had still that dream of suicide.

' Now that'll make me unhappy.' She tucked me under her neck like a mother does with her child.

Judy – you really saved me. You are my mother…really…

* * *

Kai was always so self-assured. I feared for him; it was wrong of him to always lash out directly. He was punished and repeatedly and I saw him boil with determination. He smirked and sang, " You never gonna bring me down." 

Smart ass

Until that day came.

He was going to be shot.

I was quiet – Bryan unnerved; Ian in disbelief and Spencer, well with respect. Brooklyn was in glee that bastard. He wanted Kai to die – I'm the only one who knew. Kai had beaten him once. Not so great were you, you stupid ass prick.

Honestly, I was the prick. I was quiet because I was in a debate. The bullet was meant for Kai. I could take it for him. I could save his life. I am the asshole. Honestly, I was doing it for **myself**. I wanted to be the Angel of Suicide. (**A/N: I hope that person knows I'm writing it because it's the respectable penname :))**

Tired, so tired, in living in a place where you were an experiment; I was no longer human, not entirely anyways: Boris had fixed me up with robotic parts. Guess what, Frankenstein is real – Mary Shelley would be proud.

Voltaire died instead. Brooklyn was upset – that was guaranteed. He was always jealous of me – he thought I had it all. Physically, I must say we are the same design – he was a redhead so was I and some of our facial contours were alike. There was a difference – he was in his own world where he reigned and was alone – "Brooklyn Land" Population: one – he was definitely in sparks with me. He hated the fact that I had a friend. He had none.

When Kai said he wanted to leave everything, including me, I thought Kai maybe knew that I was planning on doing suicide with false bravado. That actually made me realize how sick suicide was – where is there anything in it? If you can't respect your body you can never respect your soul.

That day I made it my job to live in the way life should be lived: righteously.

* * *

' Are you telling me to…?' it was her way, her eyes, her lips, her thighs – ok too much of Knocturnal's Muzik – yes, that guy knew what he was talking about. She was perfection. I got too straightforward with her – it was her. I never was this much confident in anything – well it's her magic: I love the sting from this cute bee. 

' It's an invitation…' I smirked at her. Hilary, I want to kiss you one day – any day – that'll be a day to say "MY BEST DAY".

' Well ok I will have lunch with you if you want…' **OH THANK GOD YOU ARE THE BEST!** – I had such a huge crush on this girl though she was older than me. Well everyone thought I was nineteen so it was ok that she thought it too – I guess.

I had to lie about my age. I hated being "the genius/the prodigy" because I wanted to be a camouflaged entity. It was a dream I guess.

I started to talk to her – When, the worst time – Tyson! I had to catch the guy!

Guess what, I did.

He told me to fuck off for I was creepy.

I tried to punch him for that – he got nervous, apologized, ran, then turned around and yelled 'FREAK!'

Well…Hilary will never have lunch with me again…

* * *

' Your blade looks busted…it fell from the building…' 

' Hilary!' I gasp with a scream. I was in my own world. She was the dawn that made me rise.

' Tala…are you ok?' she was so concerned: So beautiful…

' I'm sorry Hilary I – Tyson – Kai – ' I was in a muddle. Then I returned the favor ' I'm leaving.' The one Kai gave to me…

' Tala…I think…you should know…' she smiled at my emotionless face, ' I care about you…'

' Whatever…' that was harsh – Squall Leonhart ain't Mr. dickhead anymore – Final Fantasy VIII could use me as a lead rather than that guy. I hate myself.

' Don't hate yourself…' she is telekinetic; ' You are great Tala don't forget that…'

I smile at her.

She smiles at me…

I go and I embrace…her…

We are motionless for a few minutes…

I guess I realized the chemical reaction…boy, I should give myself an **A**

I was in love with Hiromi Tatibana.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I gave a dedication to Angel Of Suicide – the first reviewer to this story SALUTE. Yes you know Ice Archeress the hostess of the former site Destination Beyblade told about cyber-Tala and how maybe by G-Rev he was no longer cyber. Inspired from it I gave my decision. About Tala's past of his mom abandoning him that was canon – Aoki Takao's manga has it that Tala's father was an alcoholic and that his mom deserted him. He later ran away from home with Bryan – he must have been someone Tala knew since childhood. Oh Yeah I'm doing Frankenstein for A' Levels – Mary Shelley rocks. I had to copy Knocturnal's Muzik for a friend – that song is a bomb.

* * *


	6. Entwined Stranger

**Disclaimer:** You know Aoki Takao's successor is I – so when anything happens to him I'll own Beyblade – (in prison) – That Aoki Takao guy knows I'm on to him. I'll get you!

**Author's Note:** Thank-you to those who reviewed! I guess there'll be a love-square: featuring Hilary and her suitors Kai, Tala and Brooklyn – funny how two of them are younger than her! Kai, fifteen and Tala, sixteen – Brooklyn is nineteen, the only one older than Hilary. Well have any questions – please ask.

* * *

" _Let careless eyes give caution to the sleeping dream;_  
_Tell the snores of the heart to dream to keep a sense awakened,  
Your heart snores out – yet in a dream,  
What is thy cocoon? Why thou heart so beloved by the rare beautification_."

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
VI  
Entwined Stranger**

* * *

Life has some sort of unexpectedness – well actually it is unpredictable. I still think it's seven in the morning when my eyes just fluttered…wait is eight! Oh God Miss Kikai is going to do damage! This may the seventh time I'm late in addition to last week's records and the week before. Why is that I'm always so late in her class? Oh, I must groan because when Miss Kikai gets angry…she is all hell and heaven…well she is extremely cute…I'm always so flirtatious with her. She hates me for that – telling me how immature I am. Well she is twenty-nine; she thinks I'm young. Okay maybe I am still very young in some ways but that doesn't really make me that infantile. Well, he says I'm infantile – I bust his brains out every time – okay maybe he being younger is more matured than I but hey that is wrong to make it so very implanted on my face – this ain't cosmetic surgery you know. Well I really don't mind; he is always too "perfect" for his own good and I end smoothing and cooling down the liquid metal that is artistic skin. Well I have always done that for him. I was always appreciated for the job also – he is too timid to thank and too aggressive to thank. "Perfect" in what real way? No one is exactly perfection. 

I, Tyson Kinomiya, am very agile in correcting Kai's silences. After all I'm his guardian. Though it is true I am very dependent of him it is a mutual faction, a bond truly.

Is it really alright? It was never okay – but I tried, always had. It's still very difficult. I know he'll never completely trust me or trust anyone. That was really funny – ironically sadistic. I felt bad, The BBA chairman – Mr. Dickenson never told me where he came from. This prodigious seven-year old was given to me when I was fourteen and he told me to take care of him. I was bemused, yes, but when I saw his eyes I realized the slashed up orbs of sadness which were illuminating softly. Hitoshi – Hiro looked like that at times. He had an unfortunate accident when he was a child – it was the car he was trying to fix. He was a genius – he really could help dad with everything. Yet, mom died in that same car; trying to help a drunken client compose himself – she was a graphic designer too and so before she died she inspired my brother to be a graphic designer. Funny, my brother is so multitalented. My mother would be really proud of him – I wonder what she wonders about me. I hope I can make her proud of me. I don't even know if Kai is proud to have me as a guardian.

* * *

' Well if it isn't my favorite person…' the man knew to make someone feel comfortable, I guess I was being very happy that he thought I was his favorite person; it was funny, ' Beyblade champion – come here. I have a very important assignment.' 

' Assignment?' well he never really gave me those professions. This truly must be important.

' How would you like to be someone's guardian…?' he was being precise and cheerful when I got flabbergasted; he was teasing me surely – I was fourteen and he expected me to hold that obligation? It was so serious that maybe I could be lost.

' Mr. Dickenson…' I stuttered slightly, this was difficult and I was trying to be quite precise as well, ' Are you sure? Can't you ask Hiro – he's legally an adult – eighteen. I'm sure he can do a better job. Besides I am young and legally I don't believe a fourteen year old has such a charge…'

' Surely,' Mr. Dickenson fixed his spectacles; he was smiling with assurance, ' The legal documents won't have your name but your dad's and believe me you can be a better guardian than Hiro can…'

' Uh, this kid I s'ppose you are giving me to – he isn't a fan of mine is he?' I was quite nervous – I hate to admit but my fandom was critically high and young people respected me a lot to the point of idolizing: geez that was kind of silly – you may idolize no one in my book – get inspiration from him or her but I'm not perfect or so isn't anyone.

' No, I don't believe so Tyson.' Mr. Dickenson became too serious and his smile was lost, ' He is a very different sort of person.'

' How different can a kid be Mr. Dickenson?' I say it with a sort of impish sarcasm, kids were kids and all they cared about was food and games and not liking vegetables, kids were like that.

' Well, I'll let you discover that by yourself,' Mr. Dickenson was being extremely confident that his information will be solidified, ' But before I start this – I must tell you something – I'm not telling you who or where he comes from. If he trusts you enough – you will find out.'

' **What!**' I was flabbergasted and rapidly showed it, ' Mr. Dickenson How can you expect me to take charge of some kid without getting his basic-info!'

' Send him in.' Mr. Dickenson wasn't paying attention to my squabbles he was busying himself with the priority of me talking care of this unknown person. How bitterly amusing and my confusion with frustration grew. I wasn't talking in Martian code!

Appeared was an extremely fair boy, he was wearing baggy jeans and a light blue t-shirt and he was putting his hands in his baggy pockets. He looked about five or six but he seemed to have powerful arms for a kid – muscle formation was there. His hair was a unique sight – bluish and with two distinctive levels as armor – lighter then darker – he seemed like armor also with a taciturn look. His eyes were crimson balls of liquefied lava in suspended perimeters, they were so intense. Everything about him was so intense. Mr. Dickenson was not being comical – he was a very different sort of young man, a puzzling boy.

' I'm Kai Hiwatari. I'm seven years old.' He spoke it as a sort of bitter slang – his voice was too coarse and I had to shudder. This child was all attitude and it did scare me; his young face broke to a mature anger. It was indeed something I thought impossible.

' Now Kai,' Mr. Dickenson was being understandable, he has seen the weird verbal communication of this boy called Kai, ' That's no way to speak to your new brother. This is Tyson Kinomiya; you'll be living with him and his family.'

He stared at me with a very rigid emotionless face. Something told me was disappointment and definitely very agitated. Guess what I was correct, the impression was that he didn't like to dedicate manners to me, ' Oh Really, he looks old enough to be my father.'

The intense shock sent to me was beyond the normal limit of believable. Mr. Dickenson nervously smiled and tried to avoid his words but I was struggling to keep steady. I didn't know if I should be angry or numb. I was fourteen…I was in my second year of teenage-hood…he thinks I deserve to be a dad…yup I'm definitely dreaming…

' You know I'm only fourteen…' I say slowly with annoyance. He needn't be so rude.

' Geez your complexion says your prehistoric…' that mocking tongue can never stay quiet.

' Kai be nice to Tyson – this isn't fair you –' Mr. Dickenson was being reasonable – I kind of snap that off – interruption isn't really polite.

' Well at least I don't try to act tough!' I screamed at him with fury whilst our chairman seemed nervously perspiring.

' Geez,' he mocks me, ' Believe me you couldn't try it out even if you wanted to.'

I hadn't meant it but – SLAP

' Oh dear me…Tyson…' I recollect Mr. Dickenson's huge horrific face of utter disbelief.

I had just slapped Kai Hiwatari.

' What the hell is wrong with you kid!' Yes, I was furious but I had forgotten that being physically abusive to a child was unquestionably cruel and deranged – he was a bit spoiled with mutinous conducts…yet…I must have put a limitation, ' This isn't a contest on "who can insult each other better." Why are you doing…this…' I realized by the stare of Mr. Dickenson that I had just slapped the poor kid. His face was still facing sideways.

' Oh…I'm sorry…I…' I was really apologetic – this isn't like me – but something inside me told me **this** was **alright** and an object **he wanted**.

' Thanks…' he caught his cheek's red stung portion that made me cringe in shame – at that point I did not notice his weird gratitude but Mr. Dickenson noticed it and started because it was anonymously delivered, ' It's nice to know you are really adopting me – it's good to know this isn't a dream.'

If there was any kind of shock that paralyzed you both mentally and physically then I think I'll call it temporary coma for now. Mr. Dickenson wasn't being funny when he said Kai was definitely different.

' Mr. Dickenson…' he asked our flabbergasted chairman, ' Should I leave right away?'

' Uh…Yes…Yes…Kai surely you must…' he got out of his confusion and then looked at me, ' Is that alright with you Tyson?'

' Yeah…sure…Kai follow me…' I was out of being stunned but not completely.

:  
:  
:

' Tell me something  
Anything that isn't a lie  
Isn't a dream; for if it is, wake me up  
I would like the dream to die.'

I was just singing a song made to me by my friend – I memorized it and he was paying attention to it.

' If it is very slow  
Slowly softly done like a ripple  
Then wake me up gently – so I may live again  
This is how I want my life to go.'

He stared – I felt him though I was sitting in the front with Mr. Dickenson's chauffeur.

' A dream is a dream  
It cannot redeem  
Cannot be so flawless  
like a diamond but do I want it to be so perfect?

Being flawless forever is a dream…a dream that'll stop one day…'

' Do you have many dreams…?' he asked me suddenly as I finished the song.

' I'm only fourteen now. I really don't know if I should be in a dream so seriously now,' I smile and look back at him with my tone very gracious, ' It could change but I still dream though. It's good to have a dream even if it's bizarre.'

' My friend he is older than me by a year had a dream also.' He looked at me so seriously that it got me very uncertain, ' He had a dream to die. Do you think that's a good dream to have Mr. Kinomiya?'

It was then I realized that this child in front of me was never exposed to anything normal. The chauffeur besides me got uncomfortable, who wouldn't, I decided to shift his mind aching in this to relax elsewhere.

' He must be sad.' I started, ' You can't stay sad forever especially you – you are only seven. Besides call me Tyson.'

' Will I die tomorrow or today?' he looks at me questioningly, ' How can you be certain that I'll live beyond seven. How can you be so sure I didn't die yesterday?'

That was truly mature – he wasn't so much of an infant but still he was an infant.

' I know because God is not cruel.' I answered him.

We became quiet towards the rest of that journey.

:  
:  
:

' You said your grandfather's name is Akira.' He looked at a kendo stick in the dojo, ' Does he discipline you with this?' he took the boken and was definitely trying to hold the handle properly.

I took the boken and looked at him angrily – he got scared, I intended him to be, ' Stop talking stupidly!' I know I was sounding scary, ' Why would my grandfather harass me? I don't know where you come from but this definitely ain't juvenile hall.' I softened up and he looked numb, first time I saw him truly vulnerable – he was sneakily trying to hide it, ' Here, this is the way you hold a boken.' I showed him, ' This is the proper stance – it is good to use both your feet as propelling agents.' I did a forwards slash with a swift side-steer that was powerful. Powerful enough to break my grandfather's vase – he painted it for eight hours yesterday.

' That was very skillful.' He saw me fidgeting over the broken vase, ' I'm really amazed though I think you got carried away.' It was a genuine compliment. ' Will you teach me someday?'

' Yeah,' I looked at the broken pieces – it was disproportional and extremely damaged, ' But Grandpa is the actual teacher…you are going to receive lessons from him.'

' MY VASE! TYSON!' unfortunately Akira Kinomiya had arrived home from his luncheon with his friends, ' MY VASE! MY VASE! I was planning on giving this to your dad for his birthday!'

' Sorry Grandpa I…uh…got sidetracked demonstrating…' I knew this was embarrassing – Kai started softly laughing. That was the first time…

' Demonstrating…uh…' he noticed Kai, ' Uh…who is this…?'

' Grandpa this is Kai Hiwatari – he's your new grandson…' As I spoke this Kai became truly nervous. He didn't like the word "grandson". I had wondered why.

' Grandson?' he looked at him, ' Oh – you must be Kai Hiwatari! Dickenson called me and told me – wow – it's good to have another little man around. Hitoshi isn't always around being eighteen and everything…'

' Hitoshi?' Kai looked at me.

' Yes,' I smiled at him, ' Hitoshi, or lovingly called Hiro is my older brother. He's older than me and he is doing senior level in high school. Due to his academic superiority he doesn't really stay much at home. No problem you'll meet him at dinner tonight.'

' Oh.' Kai seemed discomforted about something.

' Well Tyson – I hope you know –' Grandpa started very evilly, ' You and I have to repaint a new vase together.'

' Grandpa!' I looked at him and groaned.

' You don't mind helping do you Kai…' he smiled at the bemused, ' It'll be fun.'

' Fun is so right,' I stared sarcastically at my elder, ' It sucks big time with you with your overbearing hundred revisions on details.'

' Language Tyson…' he narrowed his features as he looked at me.

' Sorry…really…' I apologized to both of my companions.

' If it is a duty sir I shall do it.' Kai was absurdly obedient – he formed a robotic monotone – both I and my Grandpa were truly amazed not in a well way.

' No Kai,' Grandpa explained, ' I'm asking you if you want to do it or not.'

' You are asking?' he looked confused. Kai must truly been in some awful home. The way he looked at us as if nothing was requested of him before.

' Yes Kai,' Grandpa looked and smiled and patting his shoulder. He got nervous at my Grandpa's gesture, ' You don't have to do it if you don't want it. Tyson however ignores anything if I'm too nice to him.'

' Hey!' I was being chastised so unfairly – though I knew, it was to relieve Kai.

' Sure,' Kai smiled so angelically, ' I will help.'

We both smiled with him though we were secretly nervous – Kai must have never had the simple privilege of a request. It was perturbing, we both knew it, what madness did he survive from? We really didn't have an answer. The chairman restricted us our curiosity.

:  
:  
:

' This is my mom.' I show Kai a picture of her, ' Her name is Yumiko.'

' Well where is she?' he asked, he was in my bedroom. We were going to share it until a storage room could be renovated for Kai.

' She died when I was young.' I spoke softly.

' I know how you feel…' he began very unnerved, ' I never got to know my mother – Matoko Kyosato – she died giving birth to me…'

' I'm so sorry Kai…' I immediately felt horrible, ' Is your dad alive…'

' He drank himself to oblivion after she was gone…' he was being very cool – it was easy for him that way to hide his sadness. ' I then lived with my Grandfather – my dad's father – I don't know much about my dad - Afanasei Zinoviy.'

' Your dad's last name is Zinoviy – your mom's is Kyosato – how come you're called Hiwatari?' The was perplexed information.

' My last name is by choice given to me by my parents after my mom's stepfather.' He replies very casually.

' Oh that's cool – so is your grandfather around. He must be sick am I right?' it was just a question. Though I had a feeling the answer wouldn't be pleasant.

' He's dead.' He said that casually also.

' I'm sorry…I believe you lost everyone…' how horrible it truly was.

' Not really, ' he smiled, ' I have you. You and your family.'

' Yes you do,' I hug him for the first time, ' You always will…'

I feel moisture on my back.

Kai was crying.

So he was a regular kid. A regular human: who was the monster that told him to change? There was another question – Kai said something about a stepfather – where was that man?

:  
:  
:

' Hiro this is Kai, Kai Hiwatari…' Grandpa looked so happy as Hiro came home exhausted, ' He'll be living with us. I think you either got your father's or Mr. Dickenson's letter telling us of him…'

' Yes, I have…' Hiro was looking so fatigued. Must have had a rough day

I realized that everyone was signified suddenly as I had but I was the last possibly due to my training.

Then something strange happened.

Hiro dropped his chopsticks – he looked strangely, ' Do I know you?' he looked too freakishly at Kai and Kai responded with a cold fuse of a blanket. There was a trace of recognition.

' _No, there can never be this possibility_…' the words spoke by Kai had a significance. It seemed like a prophesy far away.

I had never seen Hiro so nervous. Grandpa was worried. He was bulging out of his seat – each eye and limb seemed pressurized…

' Hiro…?' Grandpa questioned. Kai looked down as I stared curiously.

' Grandpa…I'm not hungry anymore…' he left before we could stop him.

That midnight I saw Hiro eating furiously the leftovers. He was too tremendously hungry but ignored dinner. But he seemed to know Kai that was unusual, he was trying to avoid something…

I had never seen Hiro so afraid…

After a year he had left…I knew it was related to Kai, I just knew…

* * *

' I'm very sure…I want to Beyblade professionally…' she was young around nine and I was fourteen; she had just written me the song she was singing. A pretty talented lyricist, ' How did you get Dragoon Mr. Kinomiya?' 

' It's Tyson,' I gave her my nicest smile for she was extremely sweet, ' Well I acquired it from my grandfather, Akira Kinomiya, the old Beyblade competitor – he was around when the first blades were being invented. Hey I'm sorry but what was your name again?'

' It's Hi – Tatibana.' I couldn't hear her so properly. Someone had just made the music get escalated to the maximum. I saw Kenny trying to persuade the green-haired boy otherwise. It was Kenny's party – with a few friends – he was elated beyond reason for creating something called Dizzari.

' Uh what?' it was difficult to hear. She realized like that too.

' HIROMI!' she yelled.

' Hilary!' I responded back, ' Hilary Tatibana?'

' Wow so cool Hiromi!' a young girl yelled, guess her name is Hiromi not Hilary, ' You just got nicknamed by the Beyblade World Champion!'

' Selima..' Hiromi seemed uncomfortable. She was being way bouncy.

' Well I guess it is a good nickname…' I raised a hand over my head nervously. I wish I heard her name properly.

' Yeah I guess…' she smiled sweetly. ' It really is nice. A rhyming name to my original…'

Well Selima thought it was a bomb and she exploded it to everyone in Hilary's school.

Wait, it still is Hiromi.

* * *

' Hiromi…' I think that was the first time I mentioned her name out right with "Hilary" being so popular. She was having lunch with Tala Ivanov – that guy has just seen me. This was going to hurt… 

' Now as you see Dizzy mapped out – hey Tyson! I'm telling you something!' Kenny realized I was in a stare-fest with Tala and was telling his notes to go home. I was terrified and that guy determined. Ain't this a great day.

' Kenny I'll talk to you later!' I screamed as I ran with Tala in hot pursuit…Geez I never saw Hiromi so surprised…

He circled me around in a desolated place and was looking determined, ' You can't escape from me Tyson I got you now…'

' Man – the championships are like in a month.' I was reasoning with the cat – never been a mouse before, ' Fight me then!'

' Why are you so determined to avoid me!' Isn't he the one to question?

' Why are you so determined to blade with me!' I was really frustrated.

' I have my reasons.' He was being adamant, ' But **a true** **champion** never lets down a **challenge**.'

' That's true.' I try his technique of persuasion, ' And **a true opponent** has to be **honest**. What do you know about Kai Hiwatari?'

That got him as a mouse who gets the squeeze from a cat or snake. Guess I'm no longer the mouse.

' Well tell me!' I demanded.

' I believe you know him better,' he was truly skilled, ' he's your brother after all.'

' I'm leaving…' I felt hell as frustration burning on top of me.

' Wait! I challenged you!' he was crucial to his desire.

' Well I don't fight liars!' I was extremely frustrated, ' You know about Kai's past. No one told me and now you are gonna leave me in the dark! You're not only unfair but a creep who is creepy!'

Okay, I shouldn't have said that – dodged that fist by a miracle.

' Don't you dare call me a creep or a liar Tyson Kinomiya!' he yelled, ' What makes me so creepy anyway!'

' Ok I'm sorry!' I found my chance to run and I did but then I turned around and cried out, 'FREAK!'

That was childish but necessary. Something mysterious is there in Kai's past – in Tala's past – **In Hiro's past** – I've been quiet but no more. I must know.

I'll help my brother in any way God allows my strength to.

I'll never fall down the cavern blind; I will not be the entwined stranger without knowledge – **so God help me**.

* * *

**Author's Note:** A very long chapter! Hope you enjoy :) I changed something I believe - Tyson is Kai's guardian since fourteen.

* * *


	7. Scattered Vision

**Disclaimer:** (singing in prison) Beyblade is too sexy for Aoki Takao! Too sexy for Aoki Takao! He doesn't deserve to own it! No way! I'm a model! Beyblade is a gem! Beyblade is all mine! Tyson and Kai go do the catwalk! The catwalk! Dragoon and Dranzer ain't flapping sexiness for nothing (inmate speaking) Girl shut that ruckus! You don't own the original Beyblade! Not if you donate your kidneys! (Author thinking) Hey…that's good idea… (Inmate's knock out punch) You just have to be satisfied with your fic!

**Author's Note: **Thank-you For Reviews! To answer Angel Of Suicide's question of names – they are real Russian names. You see I looked them up in the internet and I chose the name appropriate for the grandfather and father – though Matoko Kyosato came into mind through fandom. In _Rurouni Kenshin_ there was a mention of a Kyosato and Matoko comes from Matoko Kusanagi, the headstrong female protagonist of _Ghost In The Shell_ and one of my favorite heroines since I was thirteen, Kenshin as well has been a favorite character since I was thirteen – a subtle showing of my liking of them. Yumiko came into mind also though I had introduced to this Japanese name in someone's original fiction and then I found out it was as an authentic Japanese name. Afanasei means "immortal" (it is a variant of the word Afanasii) in Russian and Zinoviy means "life of Zeus" in Russian. I thought Afanasei worked well with Voltaire, as he believes he himself is absolute in power and so naming his son that, Zinoviy follows the same suit.

Also the song posted here was inspired by "Could you bite the Hand?" a song in the brilliant anime _Wolf's Rain_. I decided then to write it, so sorry if it's rotten – it will also be present in my FullMetal Alchemist fic, Metal Vision. The song here is going to portray the need to know something and that something will turn out to be dark – I gave it here to subtly signify a character's hidden shadow and his past which has individuals gathered around in lust. The character is…Zeo.

* * *

**_Special Note: As of now, this fictional story becomes a dedication to a woman who had cared for me as a mother for seventeen years of my life: meaning that she had been present in my life since I was born till I was seventeen. Last Saturday, 26th August 2006_** – **_she died of a heart attack suddenly and passed away. She was my guardian and she loved me a lot and I her – She was a good Christian lady and though I'm not Christian, I'm Muslim actually, she took care of me as if I was her own daughter. Please pray to God that she receives heaven. I know I WILL ALWAYS THANK ALLAH ALMIGHTY FOR GIVING ME SOMEONE THAT SPECIAL IN MY LIFE._**

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forgot  
VII  
Scattered Vision**

* * *

" Some People live without  
Some People live within  
in sin; such a pain  
such a loss – blinded by avarice.

Eyes Of Storm Collapse  
Eyes Of Storm Begin  
To wipe out sin  
A living tissue in the soul of man

Avarice awakes from want  
Want is not enough  
Bloodlust in passion's helm  
Does the deed.

Your tongue has lied to you  
Your soul hides from you  
What is that stranger?

What is it that stranger wants?  
Can you look within?  
Can you look at sin?

It's Avarice playing dice

Trying to cheat death  
Trying to be something else by breaking the ties.

So, some people live without  
So, some people within  
Not in sin  
Avarice cannot grow  
if sin stops growing from within."

* * *

I am Hiromi Tatibana. I am sometimes called Hilary – but it'll always be Hiromi. Though I am seldom called that, I love my original name better and when Tyson says it I am very happy. Tyson will always be a good friend, someone to share everything with you. I have seldom seen people like that who are willing to share everything, one of them is Ray. Ray has too much of an insecurity that is why he couldn't never tell the girl he knew forever that he loved her. I understand Ray's condition, he must be unhappy if there was a chance of him getting rejected but when the girl loves him also couldn't he just tell. There are no real need of official dates just love. Though stereotypical teenagers believe that is all that is needed, important and required. It's funny but whoever gave stereotypical a throne must be bashed – there are only some ground rules and that is only the ones you have to follow. I mean is it really that hard I mean "yes" usually but their case isn't so difficult and truthfully I believe Ray is doing a dumb thing in being silent. 

:  
:  
:

I am Kai Hiwatari. I am sometimes called "Mr. None-of-your-business" – but it'll always be Kai. Though I am called that frequently by Tyson when I tease him, I like it when he calls me Kai genuinely without any mimic-tones and laughable rings. Serena stresses my name too much; in fact she stresses a lot of things that I do not like. She'll be egotistical and unfeeling whenever it need be and I believe that's true "none-of-your-business" attitude. She reminds of me of myself at times with her tendency to hide things and believe that is absolutely fine. Things those aren't as censorable as sex. Little white lies roaming around and making you feel jumpy as if insects are getting stuck in your toes. That is why I dislike her behavior at times. I know she may have never had it pleasant and that is why we are similar but acting immaturely about it isn't going to resolve you. Usually, I tell her as her attitude gets feisty and childish – as Mr. Knightly to Emma – the book respectably. Yet, she lingers on and it is dumb if you are attached to illusion.

* * *

' Putting down the volume would be a good thing to do.' I was looking at the boy younger than me, he was a green-haired rebellious kid somewhat ruining my mood and completely destroying Kenny's, I screamed at him, he was someone's house and this was a party though you didn't need to put the volume up max, ' You know I don't wanna go deaf nor does anyone else.' 

I don't know if he heard me but the volume was instantly lowered, ' Say what?'

That decides he didn't hear me, ' Listen.' I was a frustrated wreck, ' Kenny, whose house you're in and you are guest to, requests you keep the volume down. He is showing his progress of the program-type device called Dizzari so please quiet it down.'

' It's not a program.' He started at me knowingly, ' It's a silly bitbeast trapped in her master's computer and that in actuality is dumb. This whole reason for the party is dumb. I mean people came here to see World Champ Tyson Kinomiya.'

' That's not true!' I was furious and retorted to his insult, ' Kenny is a young prodigy. Unlike someone who is dumb enough to risk getting deaf over music! You have the nerve to insult Kenny at his house and in his party!'

' Listen girl.' The green-haired boy with his jade eyes looked at me wearily, ' Do you suppose there's anything that fantastical of a bitbeast? I mean almost everyone has one. Mine is Serverus.' He flashed out a beyblade and showed me, ' So if this was a party with a reason I wouldn't diss it.'

' Who are you kid?' I demanded; his sharp tongue must be sliced – unfortunately not literally.

' You first for you approached me…' he, that little kid, was being flirtatious with me! I was nine and he was like what…seven! Truly, I must be the last generation.

' Kid, this ain't a first date…' I was angered and he looked amused, ' I'm Hiromi Tatibana.'

' Don't you mean Hilary…?' he looked extremely wicked in his own teasing fashion, ' Tyson, World Champ, I heard he gave you a nickname but both are sweet as candy. I'm Zeo, Zeo Hiwatari.'

' Will you stop trying to act cool – what are you six?' I looked at him with an acidic stare.

' No Seven.' He stares at me and smiles, ' It's seems Tyson has left – I thought he would come along to stop my abuse of the volume being Kenny's friend and everything. Instead you came, though I'm not disappointed. Seeing you are now nicknamed by great Tyson Kinomiya – it's nice to know a celebrity.'

' Are you trying to tell me you wanted Tyson's attention?' I ignored his comments and dove into the prominent mystery, ' Why?'

' Wouldn't you wanna know.' He came closer and I got nervous for the kid was weird, ' But…it's a secret sweety…See you around…'

With that he was gone.

The mysterious boy: Zeo Hiwatari.

* * *

It was then I realized who the two layered-hair boy was: Kai Hiwatari. 

We were at a grocery store and he was in front of me and I realized who the boy was. I was momentarily busy, thinking of my friend Brooklyn, who had been so distant from me that I wasn't sure if he was ever going to return to Japan. Brooklyn Kingston, he was a foreigner, but he was so close to my life, I couldn't perceive why he left but truthfully Brooklyn was an odd boy obsessed with winning and perfection. When he visited me he seemed to want perfection out of himself for every single thing and that struck me strange. That attempt at perfection was imperfection to me. Yet Brooklyn cared enough to give me his favorite pencil, a pencil he rarely used and I followed the same tradition to respect his emotions.

Someone had called out to Kai. It was Tyson Kinomiya, a friend of mine and also the older brother to Kai Hiwatari. I wondered what the fuss was for he screamed quite loudly and Kai was – distracted? Kai had been seeing something – hey, was it me? Oh, I guess it was a bit silly but I was talking to the pencil. A habit I can't get rid of – truth is that when I talk to the pencil I feel closer to Brooklyn. We haven't talked in a while because he seems allergic with electronic or mechanical ways to contact me – though I have a feeling he isn't trying to ignore me because he told me himself how his father is strict and only lets him have limited times with his friends. I find that kind of parent falling into the "bad" category. Obviously never sufficient in being a guardian to anyone and only thinking what they feel is positive for a child – a foe to good parents and generally children everywhere.

' Hey Kai, ' Tyson was breathless, he approached his brother who looked reflective rather than worried. Some people called Kai Hiwatari "Mr. none-of-your-business" and, or, "Stone Hiwatari" though I feel his emotionless image kind of promotes it, ' Listen Kai, ' Tyson continued, ' Grandpa didn't know this but I did shopping earlier.'

' Well,' Kai didn't looked bothered or confused, not even irritated, ' I got extras. That's ok I guess.' He took his parcel and was about to leave when a groaning Tyson stopped that. Evidently, Tyson thought otherwise.

' We really don't need the extras.' Tyson seemed to protest, ' I got enough you know.'

' Well, you can never have enough of food. **You** are a person who is supposed to know that best.' He was being subtly teasing, it made him look charming, something I thought and adolescent boy in his early teens wasn't able to accomplish, ' Besides, I ain't making a trip for **no** reason. It sounds ridiculous to me.'

' Alright, alright, ' Tyson became aware that Kai adamancy surpassed his own adamant groan, ' You and **your **discipline; c'mon let's go coz I'm starved!'

They were exiting and before they did, he looked at me – my apple-eyes met his crimson paint-cusp-earth ones. I couldn't help being descriptive because the manner in which he looked seemed to try to be in my own form. That was an amusing and unusual scrutiny coming from a fifteen year old.

:  
:  
:

I saw her as she was attentive to what Tyson and I was doing, I realized I knew her: she was the girl who was sitting with Tala the other day.

Truthfully I don't know her name or who she is exactly. Yet, there is something really magnetic about her. I have never found myself this interested in a person – even with Brooklyn's obsessions and crudities I have never found him that attractive to my penchant nature. But, her, she was definitely someone different and wanting to know her became very impulsively large and itchy – not a rash but an atmosphere that was really enigmatic and comfortable. The pencil connection was beautiful than…than strange…it was beautiful because she connected with it so perfectly that though it may have its flaws, for a pencil was inanimate, it was perfect to me.

So I stared at her, instinctively, as I was walking out. My scrutinizing, curious eyes met her wild, independent ones; they were perfect also. They connected with angelic-etherealness. Something very rare and alluring and so I decided to glance at the pencil she had a penchant to.

Hmmm, that pencil…looks strangely familiar – is that possible?

* * *

Firstly, when I look at the pencil I truthfully see Brooklyn's face – he has this iridescent quality favoring him like a rain-cloud's dimensions of grey showing unique beautification done by God through a different channel. When I see Brooklyn I remember that he is quite strange, but, but casual and friendly with me, like a perfectionist. Yes, he actually is a perfectionist, always, largely, trying to strangle himself to be at the optimum level of this competitive order. I don't know if he's human or projected phenomenon. It is disturbing to a degree but at the same time reassuring. Reassuring that he just won't be openly rude or really silly to get my answers; not to be completely unprepared: reassuring, yes, because even if he tries to be "All That" I guess it works with him in some ways though it stops. Reassuring, yes, because it shows that he might change when he understands that it really shouldn't be centralized – his need for perfection one day will stop. 

' Do you, have, anything to say to me?' I asked this question to the pencil I carry – originally Brooklyn's pencil – because he stared too often at me and that got me worried because I thought he wanted to confess something to me or maybe he wanted to change.

I expected the pencil to say "no". It was hard for Brooklyn to say "no", he thought the word was there to symbolize failure, a bitter thought. He usually would answer, ' Well…I think maybe we should…' or ' Did you really think…" : though those were relevant, I don't think he really wanted to talk to me about those things at the time.

' Yes I do.' This unknown voice answered my random question, ' I want to see that pencil.'

Before I could see the boy he took the pencil out of my pencil and announced, ' This looks familiar.'

' Excuse me.' I was slightly irritated, ' Could I have my pencil back. It's rude for you to take it.'

' I'm sorry…I, please forgive me…it's just you seem to take it everywhere… and talk to it…' he gave it back with a nervous touch to his voice and looked embarrassed. I was bewildered.

It was the legendary Kai Hiwatari.

' I really don't take it everywhere but recently I suddenly started…talking to it as well…' I seemed to respond directly while giving him a friendly smile to assure him everything was alright and his actions were acceptable, ' You are Kai Hiwatari aren't you?' I wanted to let myself know him. After all he seemed to be a prominent figure in my school. Also, he sounded amusing. I had never envisioned to see him so meticulously stopped from his usual quietness.

' Yes.' He relaxed his nervous attitude, he seemed quite friendly, ' And…you are…?'

' Oh, sorry,' I guess I blushed, ' My name is Hilary, actually, Hiromi Tatibana. The nickname Hilary comes from the fact that your older brother Tyson mistook my name for it – he kinda gave it to me.'

' You're that girl…' he looked at me pleasantly bemused, he was indeed excited, could that be possible, ' You are the one who wrote this song:  
Tell me something

Anything that isn't a lie  
Isn't a dream; for if it is, wake me up  
I would like the dream to die.

If it is very slow  
Slowly softly done like a ripple  
Then wake me up gently – so I may live again  
This is how I want my life to go.

A dream is a dream

It cannot redeem  
Cannot be so flawless  
like a diamond but do I want it to be so perfect?

Being flawless forever is a dream…a dream that'll stop one day…'

He actually sang the song I had written to Tyson. I did not believe it then. He had a good, strong, refined voice and he shared it with me. I think he realized it by my hypnotized expression.

' You know that song – I written that when I was nine. Hard to believe I'm seventeen now.' I was hypnotized – did Tyson actually give the song to him.

' Yes, actually, it is one of my favorite songs.' He suddenly became nervous and then in a second he looked up with a certain disbelief, ' You are seventeen.'

' Yes…' I was a bit surprised seeing him so dazzled.

' But you look fifteen like me.' He seemed astounded. I did not know I looked more like an adolescent though I am closer to adulthood.

:  
:  
:

Definitely, it was not a positive thing to say. I believe I was astounded as her when the words leaped out. It's not like she looked like a child but…but she looked more basic than a stereotypical seventeen-year-old. Basically, this means she is my senior – though she is two inches shorter than me. That is normal I suppose as boys are usually taller than girls but girls are rumored to mature faster. I think that rumor applies both by her face…and…and…her body…I guess I usually am not an audience to the opposite sex but her uncommon trait to talk to pencils makes me, shall I use the word erotic? Don't know. That sounds too corny – talking to pencils and erotic – please God let me not thinking something sexual. How embarrassing!

' I'm sorry.' I apologize, because I don't think a seventeen-year-old likes to listen to someone who thinks she's fifteen, ' I guess that was weird.'

' It's ok.' She takes it playfully, ' I guess my pencil-talking doesn't really add to maturity.'

' I actually think it as abstract-maturity, relative to abstract-art.' I meant it and she looked surprised. Her cuteness is magnified, ' It's really cool.' Her cuteness was too. Was I really calling her cute? I suppose. I'm attracted to this uncommon girl: In what way exactly?

' Thank-you.' She bows down giving me a royal way of showing gratitude. I must say, that's cute.

' Uh…Hilary…who gave you that pencil?' I asked casually, ' It just looks familiar – I mean you know that pencil is kinda custom made with its own design. I think I saw it somewhere.'

' Oh well you see…' she was about to answer.

DING!

That was the bell. It ruined her chances to answer me. It kinda ruined my pleasant feeling…in…being…close to her. Is this normal?

' Oh I have to go! See you Kai!' she rushed off and then I noticed it.

Someone was watching Hilary.

That person saw me and…ran…

I recognized…him…he was here…?

I chased after him…

We ran corners…

We ran sections…

But, I was fast…

I caught him…

This was a unpleasant surprise in a way…

' Zeo…' I see him smile as I have caught his wrist.

' Well hello there my dear step-cousin…' he smiled and I frowned.

I think we both were suffocated by a milieu of curiosity.

So Kai Hiwatari meets his step-cousin Zeo Hiwatari after eight years

This will be a good drama.


	8. Ragged Blindness

**Disclaimer:** If I'm right the last time I checked, Aoki Takao was being accused of stealing Beyblade! Hahahaha! (in prison, inmate talks) girl I think you should listen to **Sabam's **character Corealie and take valium!

**Author's Note:** Thank-you for all those who reviewed and Thank-you for your wishes for my friend's afterlife. This chapter will not be consistent with the events in the last chapter, well, this is required so please bear with me **Also some Extremely Mature language and** **dialogues will be here – very much obscene at times- please do not be angry at me**. Well let's look at the story!

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
VIII  
Ragged Blindness **

* * *

I am Brooklyn Kingston. Actually, the full name is Brooklyn Masefield Kingston – it makes my name sound empirical, royal and refined. That's powerful and I love it. I was always the one to be idolized like some ancient spirit, far superior than a bitbeast, which is because I'm _different_. Not in a retarded way; not in the way that you call the asylum; in the _perfect _way. _I _possess everything and _everything_ possesses me – I'm infinite in this world and shall always be even after this mortal body exhausts its final limitation. Yes, I brag a lot, I'm quasi-narcissistic in reality but then again I can't really see why not. I have never truly practiced Beyblading; it comes to me as breathing, so I hate people who try at the sport. Hell, it's not even important. I can do it without trying. So, why the hell is it important anyway? 

Boris says its important, screw him twenty times and he'll say that's important. I hate that guy; love that guy _only_ when he praises my innate prodigy.

' Brooklyn, Baby, we need to talk…' she asks my permission for it in an indirect way. She is so nervous I think she can piss her pants and that can't be converted to euphemism. I don't like her at all.

' Yeah.' My sharp answer is very much me. I'm a soldier, always have been, I smile as I see her nervousness.

' You…never finished my portrait and you never apologized to me.' Her tone is forceful but shaky. In reality I am disgusted though I look at her somewhat agreeably. Apologize for what my dear Kristen, you are the traditional harlot reincarnated, you are a woman of flesh not of soul, you are the craver of sex not of intellect.

You cannot catch the slightest silhouette of Hiromi Tatibana. That is woman of soul. The craver of intellect: the one who adorns respect, mine to the highest. She is my love.

' Kristen…' I start teasingly, ' You did sleep with your school's principal, was that a lie?' I kind of challenge her to argue but she is but lenient and complies to me very willingly. In this absurd game I win the match.

' Brooklyn.' She warns me firmly though unsteadily.

' Kristen, Baby, we need to have sex…' I mock her initial sentences by making mine a universal truth. I know she wants me, every girl does, and no one is inescapable to my sexual perfection. I may not aspire to be "the best lay" but it comes naturally. So like me. I never need to practice.

She agrees to the degrading courtship and later we do it again and again and again. Then again; hell, it's simple to fuck a whore but I love doing it. When she wants me I win. So I win every time.

Every time…

The word nags at me. I am not sleeping. Kristen is lost in sleep because of our consuming activities. I should follow suit but it bothers me. The word or phrase every time – I was beginning to hate it.

I never surrendered to my lust. I never gave a teasing move. Never produced a flirtatious, concrete, voice to imply "Have sex with me.": Because I was afraid when it came to her: I loved her.

She was true perfection.

I wish I could make love to her. I dream about it often. My ultimate sexual fantasy, my ultimate dream of love, is to be yours Hilary.

I am Kenny Kinomoto. No one is certain about the "Kinomoto" bit because usually it is just "chief" – that's a nickname I inherited due to my intensive time I had encouraged myself to know more about Beyblades. I guess it started with the fascination with physics – Newton and his apple, me and my beyblade. It seemed all too simple and then the beyblade became a rotating apple of sorts. I wanted to know more. Application of physics in it, on it, all around it, it was this perfect device. Though, I could never truly perceive the joy of playing it – my passion is a limitation, it is only studied and yearns to be more developed in the structure of beyblading but not of its arts. I'm a painter designed to be in constant study of his tools then his creativities. Yet then again I slowly, started, to know, of the art. Beyblading is a sport – it is a fascinating subject. I still love it a lot.

' Hey Kenny, I see you actually made a program that _she_ operates in. **That's amazing**!' she was so purified in the way she commented me I think I could be the apple's cousin. I blush deeply.

' Thanks Emily.' I don't know what else to say. I talk to her quite meekly, all the time, it's my habit. I guess I really can't correspond efficiently with girls. I'm older than her but I'm seriously pathetic. She was nine and I'm eleven, but, I like her. She's too cute. And smart. I blush when I realize my crush for her, she is too young but I ain't too old.

' Well, Dizzari finally knows she's some use to you. I never heard of a bit-beast being contained in a laptop, So cool!' she is intelligently displaying her excitement – meaning, not restrained and that makes me happy. She is cute when she is excited.

' Thanks for everything.' The party was a success, large crowd, something I didn't expect and I knew some came…to see Tyson. That got me feeling…envious. Emily did you come to see Tyson too?

' Cool, no prob, Kenny, I'm proud of what you did. Tyson is here too. I'll be honest. I never saw him this cute before. I think most the girls are spellbound…' she was dreamily reciting her thoughts, ' …including me.' That ended in a blushed-pressed giggle.

Romeo must die should be a figurative title. I don't feel dead. Mitigated in happiness is my case. Kenny Kinomoto Vs Tyson Kinomiya – that is surely a pathetic versus application.

' Well I'm glad you are having a good time.' My heart's-crush feels suffocated as I saw her dream-haze expression towards Tyson. I am weak in my praise of her emotions, how can I be strong? I look at Tyson's muscular body of utter male perfection and maturity whilst mine too emaciated even for my age. Definitely a flawed framed of physical construction. Well, to be honest, I feel it to be slightly sufferable because I am still a kid. I am in the stage called prepubescent development. I have no sexuality whatsoever now. Do most eleven year olds think like this?

' Hilary is my age…' Emily seemed disappointed, ' Tyson is sucking on her as if she were a honeycomb!' that was an expression that wasn't really nine-year old like.

' Uh, don't you mean Hiromi?' I was trying to rectify the error – the whole jealousy itself was one. Hiromi may be Tyson's type and Emily may not be. Who knows, I may not be Emily's type either, I guess I have to live with that. Uh, do fourteen year old boys date nine-year old girls? Uh, that sounds…weird…totally weird…

' I hear Selima telling her name is Hilary now…something about Tyson renaming her…or whatever…I think she'll keep it like that…like a nickname…' it was her response that meant much out of something that was nothing.

Could Hiromi really like "Hilary"? It was weird, Tyson being a celebrity was not but could he have that kind of control? It was meaningless, or am I just terribly jealous? I don't wanna be a Ronald Weasely to a Harry Potter – that guy Ron seriously has issues. Or am I the one that has issues?

' Hey, that kid, the green-haired imp is really turning up the volume…' Emily is warning me about some unknown party-crasher, didn't really know him to invite him, ' Are you gonna do something about it?'

' Yeah.' I listen obediently but I drone as if I was a worker-bee. I don't really enjoy parties much – my idea was small, with music, low temperament. Due to the fact that my Bitbeast is stuck in a computer and Tyson's around those key elements are gone.

I'm gonna do something about it. Maybe. I don't think I can stop the kid. Truthfully, I never could do much when _something_ was involved. I am depressed or mainly spineless.

* * *

My world is filled with fuck. Literally, Kristen meant more in the morning, meaning, if she hasn't told me about her departure that means she is not departing. Her mind is like a separate sex-drive. I'm enjoying the ride. 

' So are you gonna finish my portrait.' She is a nagging bitch. I'm polite to her and she me. Yet our fuck-buddy status is revealed when we swear, hurt each other, by reminding ourselves what we do for each other, most of the times, that comes from me. Ain't that love.

' I don't like painting whores first thing in the morning.' I really am a great cynic. I drag a cigarette and tell her that without giving any attention to her face. I am truly _cool._

' Fuck-you asshole!' she screams, it isn't alarming, she can be a banshee, hell, must have been one in a previous incarnation, ' I give you good sex you dick! You might wanna treat me nice!'

' Kristen. You know the tricks of the trade…' I smile at her, she is confused, this is perfect, ' You can be a prostitute you know. I mean you already are, but, I mean _professionally_. I don't mind paying you back for last time. Hell I'd ask for your services any time.'

' Fuck-you Brooklyn.' She is extremely rash when retorting, ' Your dick ain't the prime vessel of any army.'

' Oh Really then why doesn't it sink easy? Because its impressive and loaded. It's loaded with prime artillery.' I smirk as I coincide with her sarcasm. My win again, ' Do you wanna have sex again?' I am a bastard.

' Well…' she eyes me seductively, ' You are in the mood for **more **of _me_…' she touches me in my most concealed place, ' I don't mind…'

' Neither do I.' I jump on her.

Here we go again.

I am a bastard.

I wish Hilary was here. Instead of this slut, instead of me being a bastard. I wanna be her lover. Hilary, if I could, I would make love to you the entire night. It's not like I don't. I fantasize about her – hell I even do that by myself while thinking of her. Hilary, you are just ethereal.

If there was any coin – I'd flip it. I wanna chose heads as chivalry and tails in being a perfect fuck-up. Years pass and I'm nineteen now. This isn't a big deal everyone grows up

We need bigger clothes to fit us. Go high up in education. Get lost from toys. Wanna know the opposite, or with some people similar, sex. That's the way life is. Perfect in it's way of saying "Renaissance" – I think that's great.

Only, only, I think crushes, some, don't dissipate – "The girl next door" fantasy is Emily. She is literally my neighbor and, guess, what, she is quite beautiful. This is something I tell myself. She is seventeen, now. She still wears glasses, still wears polo shirts and flaunts intelligence with a good, clean capacity that can never be called arrogant, her petite frame. Need I explain that the stuff I said is the very definition of sexiness? Because a man doesn't need a dictionary to know that it is. Even I, Kenny Kinomoto, know that.

I'm not the only one. That's expected. A friend of hers, Michael, is sometimes, mostly, flirtatious with her. It is friendly. I want to kill him. Why? Just gets on my nerves.

Then my stupid emotion is gone. It's just male jealousy. I'm still emaciated to an extent. Michael has six-packs. Any girl would want him. And me: Dizzy is unsure if she would want me sexually if she were a human female.

Dizzy is gone now. Don't know what happened. One day I switched on my laptop and the program was empty. I yelled her names. Literally banged my computer, but, she didn't respond. My Dizzari was gone. Possibly, the power surge was reversed, was that possible? Either way since sixteen to now I'd lived without Dizzy. It hurts me she is gone. She was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend. That is a joke to me, terrible one actually.

When Emily talks to me she slightly pouts when a topic really matters to her but I disagree. It looks cute so when I even start seeing the logic I continue disagreeing. That pout is a tattoo of sexiness.

When she calls Michael over I get to see sometimes. There is, or might be, chemistry between them. Sometimes it's midnight when Michael goes home. At an interval the bedroom curtains are closed. If I assumed anymore I might need a cup of black coffee to pull out a migraine.

In those days, actually the aftermath of those days, with the interval, I seriously ignore Emily. She becomes frustrated and disappointed while I am selfishly feeding jealousy. Emily, the girl I had a deep crush, who is seventeen, might not be virgin. I am. Virgin is my middle name – ok – that was a stupid thing to say.

Yet, I am happy I am virgin. I sometimes see Michael and Emily bickering and arguing and realize that maybe they are not the perfect couple. They seem to be regretting their physical intimacy, which I presume they have. I don't need a frown on my face just because I felt I lost my virginity to the wrong person. That'd be really sad.

Well, I've got Physics, she's clean, always keeps me company. Though, I love Physics, it is really lonesome as people liking sciences or literature deeply are conceived as nerds, belonging to the planet "Nerdia" – or whatever – it'd be nice to know someone who can be passionate without worrying that his/her passion being education.

After a while, crushes go somewhat crushed – as some people say, Emily, though beautiful, became lost to my fascination. Though I still thought her great in many ways, I saw a gleam of love sported by my eyes for her start to dissipate.

' I blade and sing with the same passion.' I couldn't figure out how _she_ won, but it was beautiful, Daichi Sumeragi, a seventh grader, looked, appalled, disgusted by his underestimation of her. _She _just started singing some weird verses, though her voice was heavenly, ' If you ever wanna Beyblade! Start the revolution now! Hey! Hey!'

' She is a fruit-cake.' Emily witnessing the Beyblade match looked and commented.

I thought differently.

That gleam, a spotlight on the girl called Ming-Ming.

* * *

' _Bang, Bang, you shot me down  
Bang, Bang, I hit the ground  
Bang, Bang, what an awful sound  
My baby shot me down_.' 

I sing the lyrics of the music that featured in one of my favorite movies, _Kill Bill;_ it's inspiring in some ways. I wish I sometimes can see someone dear to me shooting me down. Boris has shot me down a million times. Everyone had. Except Hilary, never Hiromi, she would never shoot me down. She actually protects me.

I think this is the fifth time I finish off on Kristen. This is ecstasy for her. For me, a debate, let's see how evil Brooklyn can get.

' Hit me baby one more time?' it's comical but I insult Britney's song title, c'mon, it's a good way to ask someone for sex, bet Britney Spears didn't know that. Kristen gets it. Britney Spears ain't degrading, Kristen is.

' Let's…' it's funny but the bitch has got the stamina of a rabbit in heat. Hell, so do I, it's like we are making bunnies. How absurd.

Knock. Actually a bit more like a BANG!

' Who the hell is that.' She seems perturbed by the sudden echo of violence and also forgets that she accepted my offer for repeated sex. Hell, its noon now – we'd done it all morning.

' Daddy.' I act innocently, smirk, and give a gleeful smile that makes her nauseated, or is it excess sex?

I bounce off naked and run and open the door, ' Hi Daddy.'

Boris looks enraged, pretty understandable, ' What the hell have you been doing all morning?' it's stressed to the point of suffocation. Yup: pretty angry.

' Fucking.' I say it simply. It shocks him mostly. I smile. ' Have you been getting any lately daddy?'

' Stop fucking calling me that!' he hates being reminded of his age, ' You have wasted training sessions for…for sleeping around with that Kristen bitch!'

' Hey!' I believe the bitch heard that. ' Keep your dirty shit to yourself bastard!'

' Well, well,' I tease him, ' Boris, ain't she a Venus fly-trap.'

' Brooklyn…' he stared at me in disgust, I wasn't exactly clean, ' Do whatever you want today.'

' Sure.' I smiled at him.

He left immediately.

' So…' Kristen started, ' Hit me Baby one more time.' She accentuated it.

So I did.

'Ow!' Kristen clutched her cheek, slapping someone is easy when they are distracted.

' Well you wanted me to.' I smile.

' Bastard!' she punches me and I fall to the bed, it feels like suicide, I know what will happen, shall I slash myself again? Or will I just bleed to death? ' Now.' She hovers over me mischievously, getting ready, ' Let's really hit each other one more time.'

It is suicide. Sleeping with her, I'm happy she punched me. It is reminding me – this is a whore. Your princess is somewhere else.

My princess – how I met her, Hiromi, it was when I saw her sketching. Painting, she was doing abstract art. I read the meaning though. The array of colors – she called it ' The Nomadic Rainbow" – the symbolism of hope being found anymore. I was just walking around when I saw it. Actually, I was seeing where a woman called Judy Mizuhara was going. It was in Japan. I heard she knew Tala. Tala knew Kai. When I saw her, it was simple – hello and goodbye which then became hellos and goodbyes. I didn't attend any school then. She wanted to know me and I her. God wanted our friendship – I became angry for losing Judy and expressed it. She asked me if I was ok, got me coffee. I thanked her and told her how I was new in town. She could tell I was a foreigner. It was nice. I never really had a conversation with anyone.

Hilary, I love you.

' Get the fuck out!' I scream midway of sex, she was close, and I was closer. I felt sick.

' Wh-what…?' she was removed from her pleasure without knowing it.

' You heard me!' I was enraged, ' Get out!'

' You want that bitch don't you!' she is furious, ' You slept with me today because you were hot for her! Weren't you!'

' So?' I looked at her with the way a snake looks a rat: I'll devour you immediately.

I go – it happens – I slap her. This time it's more than playful.

' Fuck-you Brooklyn!' she hurts over her admission to me. The fact hurts me too –I'm submissive to her also.

' Already did.' It's very precise, the bullet wound is irreparable, ' Well I hit you baby one last time.'

' Is that a truth?' she is deviously cunning. A vulpine demon, a succubus, of infinite proportions, her definition: she awakes to call tempests.

' For now.' I feel mute, blind and I know this is a predominate thing, sex with her is flexible.

' I'll call you, when I want you.' She tries to hurry off, feeling victorious, I slash it off.

' See you tomorrow then Kristen.' I solidify her intentions. She looks wounded, stampeded by my horde of my study of her behavior, she leaves like a little fawn, trampled by the bigger herbivore – me – but in actuality, we are more carnivorous in nature.

I go to the bath. Fill it up. Go down. I think I may drown myself. This ragged blindness that I suffer from. I think that the water is cleaning it out. For now.

* * *

**Author Note:** I mean no insult to Britney Spears – it's my character's thoughts. Not mine.

* * *


	9. Paradoxical Recluse

**Disclaimer:** Bang, Bang, I shot Takao down – Bang, Bang, I own Beyblade now Bang, Bang, my cellmate wants to kill me now Bang, Bang, my cellmate shoots me – ah! (inmate speaking after author falls swirl-eyed unconscious) Finally, God, she still believes she owns Beyblade. This girl seriously needs narcotics.

**Author's Note:** Thank-you to everyone who reviewed. Last chapter's focus was sexuality; in fact chapters following will probe some mature concepts such as that. Because it is a fact of life. I introduced Brooklyn's sexuality as ambivalent – he considers sex his ultimate suicide but also his ultimate pleasure – this is due to Kristen. He knows this is damaging to him but he does it because he prefers it as a daydreaming-sort of thing. With Kenny, he is focused on intimacy, he still has a crush on Emily, but it dissipates when she presumably has sex with Michael. It's not because he thinks she's cheap but the truth is that Kenny begins to realize he might not be able to commit to Emily his feelings (this fact has nothing to do with sex though Kenny wishes to avoid it and decides to stay virgin), seeing the ideology of her as his perfect partner starts to stop – this is not because of her assumed sexual preferences with another boy just the flexibility of emotions on Kenny's part. In The Beyblade series this is depicted in G-revolution, Kenny, though still obvious adoring of Emily consumes his time and interest for Ming-Ming. Though it is a teenage fantasy (Ming-Ming being a celebrity) he doesn't do much for Emily either, signifying shyness but somewhat a lack of interest which now dominates him. This in no way shows Kenny as a bad person – he has matured and his emotions have definitely followed.

Ok I've written a song again – It's called "Try". Please judge it in any way you wish.

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
IX  
Paradoxical Recluse**

* * *

_Try_

" You are not telling me;  
You're hiding again  
Destruction needs no name  
Every time, the words slip out "I love you."  
Does, it, mean – anything, or are you using me?

Lust has no other, lust is to blame  
Finding out your shame needed eons it seems  
Lost in a carnage, bleeding for despair  
Your heart aching- your heartbreak bleeding me more  
You are not alone  
You make me feel alone  
Don't stay alone  
Too long.

Try? Can you do that?

Try!

Try to break out  
Try to break out  
Try to break out  
Try to break out  
I'm listening  
Listening to you  
I'm listening  
Or else I'll try to.

You make me feel the dawn of sin  
You make me feel the dawn of love:  
Can you calm down – can you forgive yourself  
Or are you holding the past as your ultimate future  
As your thirst, your cup of wine  
Would you do that?  
Can you?

Suffering, Beginning, end, Love  
Trifling, Obsession, deception, worry,  
Touch, decay, heart, soulless  
Why are you evolving into something you are not  
Find out what you are!

Try? Can you do that?

Try!

Try to break out  
Try to break out  
Try to break out  
Try to break out  
I'm listening  
Listening to you  
I'm listening  
Or else I'll try to.

I'm waiting,  
I'm waiting,  
I'm waiting,  
now,  
I'm debating, and waiting  
The time goes by  
I try  
I try  
I swear I try

Believe me  
Believe in me, I'll try."

* * *

Before I know it, it, just, comes out: preferably, he didn't listen, but, hopefully, he might answer: ' Have you ever had sex before?' 

He stares. Yup, he thinks he definitely needs his ears examined. He looks at me to repeat it. I don't comply. I keep looking elsewhere. He'll dominate probably and hear it again. It's his room to begin with.

' That's something you never asked.' He kind of smiles, it is really annoying, not teasing though, ' What do you think?'

' I…' well, it was absurd, I was nervous, this isn't right.

' Well…?' he comes on me with a uptight force. I wanna swear at him for making this difficult. It's like sex-ed one-o-one or something. Am I that virginal?

' Forget it.' I say it without blinking. With my form becoming settled but truthfully the vulgar acting is much noted. It is but stupendously insane.

Face it Mr. Kai Hiwatari he knows you want to talk about it. And yeah, you are that virginal.

' Well, Kai, is there something you want to know?' he asks me with skepticism – it's like this suspicion on top of me working as this bizarre, deadly mistletoe. It has fangs. Or I am definitely afraid.

' Never mind.' I am dumbfounded by the weak emitting of confusion and fear. It's like this weird smell on the air. I wanna die seriously.

' I'm your older brother,' Tyson seems obligatory, ' You can ask. Though. I won't be any help.'

What?

' You mean you're virgin!' I feel saliva going to be spitted out. It was a joke, seriously, a joke, or maybe he wasn't that experienced, but virgin? No way. It's like Dragoon singing opera.

' Kai. I may be Beyblade Champ but sex, let's say is a sport I haven't tried out yet.' He does it slowly, stressing each input as electric surges in silicon circuits. This was the most bizarre phenomenon I have ever experienced in my fifteen years of life.

' Tyson – you're twenty-two…' it's like a questioning; hard, screwdriver going into nothing, nails pricked and doors flying off – I can't understand it. I mean nowadays the stereotypical male or female want to easily engage into a sexual affair. Why not Tyson?

' I'm not a loser nor am I stereotypical. You think I care about insufferable fan-girls with their "blow-outs" and invitations. I got a dick but that doesn't mean it's this lodge I want any girl to stay in.' Tyson was incredibly expressive and concentrated, ' I have my pride. If I can't even tolerate or like a girl I won't sleep with her. So far, no girl who really liked me aside fame has come along. I mean, romanticism included, I've got friends but if I look for that kind of friend material it'll take time.'

' You sure are patient.' All I can say. I gotta show respect for this man.

' Well, all good things for those who wait.' Tyson was finalized. It usually isn't his way – slow with softness lingering in a private resolution.

There are many sides to a person – hence many angles to the degree a thing is composed with. Being virgin isn't unlucky or totally an uncensored fact that you can't lay. Private choices, some people are nymphomaniacs, some are erotic, some are intensely passionately sexual, some are virginal – others are rapists, pedophiles, molesters, perverts and frigid – those are the categories that ain't right. Being Virgin certainly is right. To many sexuality is a respectable thing even if they aren't virgin but to others, sick-minded bitches, who think sexuality is a fucked-up game.

…  
…  
…  
…

Later onwards I sat down and asked him, it was difficult, I was really not sure if I should but then, again, it seemed alright: ' Have you ever had sex before?'

He doesn't really look. It must be his mind is elsewhere. Yet, but, I wan him to answer. This is insufferable curiosity. Damn the probing sensation, yet, placidly I think he might answer. Maybe this is rhetorical questioning? I mean I know the answer already. Do I? A handsome man, perfect body, thinks he's perfect. Usually, the answer is –

' I've had sex more times I can count singularly with my ten appendages – both hands and feet.' It just came out from him. He wasn't directing his eyes to me.

' Oh.' It was something of a shocker – _what ya expect Hilary the man thinks he's equivalent to God._ And in the moment the universal truth is said through him: **_NO ONE IS_** **_EQUILVALENT TO GOD OR EVEN EQUAL OR EVEN CLOSE: IT'S MORE DISTANT THAN A THOUSAND LIGHTYEARS AND A BILLION SOLAR SYSTEMS_**. The perfection of earth is doomed to be a flaw. That was a very good thing.

' What are you thinking?' this was the time, his eyes, looking at me, he was probing now. ' Are you a virgin Hiromi Tatibana?' he is after a second inquisitive, his eyes bold in the way they scan me. From face to feet, but the funny thing, he looks more at my face, he does look maybe twice at my chest. Is that possible with a promiscuous man?

' Well, I'm not sure – but, is that healthy – to have sex so many times…uh…' definitely a newbie on the topic, I was nervous, too much exactly, ' So what's her name? Is she alright with you and her doing it a lot.' My naivety felt a bit insulting at that moment.

' Uh…Hilary…' he comments, ' I sleep around, a lot, definitely a lot, with many girls.' He seems _shameful_, Brooklyn Masefield Kingston _ashamed_, he never has been, though he should.

' Brooklyn, why?' I retort to his behavior, ' Why do you have this attitude in you? It's not right!' it was my principle.

He chuckles to it, ' Hilary you're still a kid and possibly virgin.' He seemed stressful at the "virgin" bit.

' I am virgin.' My resolution, ' I don't wanna be "a sleep-around" girl.'

' Well, that makes you better than me doesn't it.' He becomes infuriated, he growls, literally.

' Well, maybe, it does. There's nothing to be angry about.' I was being temporarily bitchy. I mean why was he being confronting?

' Fuck-you you're such a kid.' He exclaims with a very cold attitude. This was the first time Brooklyn behaved like this with me. It was definitely insincere.

' Brooklyn, I'm being truthful,' I didn't know how to answer back to an older teen, for he was older,he was being unreasonably angry, ' Being multi-engaged isn't really a way to solve sexual longings. That kinda messes up things.' I was more soft than heated; I really didn't understand why he needed the urge for fury.

' You know what?' he stated, and silently a sinister glow of defense emerged, one nothing could prepare me then, ' A real whore is definitely a stupid girl-kid. Who believes in la-la land and that sugar is the actual high. Someone, like you…'

That was very unpredictable: nothing, nothing could explain the tearing feeling inward me…Brooklyn actually said that?

I think he realized what he just said, ' Hilary I –' he looked flabbergasted himself. He looked extremely apologetic. I wasn't going to be nursed at that moment.

' I have to go…I really do…' my tears of sadness came out and I didn't feel them rushing. I felt humiliated.

' Hilary wait!' he called after me as I ran through the corridors of the hotel, out fast of his suit, into the elevator.

I rushed home.

Brooklyn called several times.

I didn't answer to any of them.

Just lied down on the bed, a wounded deer, I felt my inability to certain cases.

Unable to move, unable to see properly, unable even to breathe properly, my soul had ignited with unlimited sadness.

I was unable to rest easy.

Brooklyn stopped calling after a while.

His messages were all indicating and pleading: sorry.

Am I really a kid?

What am I really?

What had I done?

Brooklyn, I never expected your cruelty to be this sadistic. You are not perfect! I hate you!

You hate me too, don't you?

* * *

' Are you angry with me?' it was not really a reflex; it came out with natural understanding, because I, was, truthfully concerned. He seemed pretty disturbed after the sex-ed one-o-one conversation. 

' No, you don't seem to think I'm angry because of our conversation?' Tyson is placid and he shows it by revolving his attention around. It is needed because in some twisted dimension of appearance he is nervous.

' You seem nervous.' I show him I'm aware. It is needed.

' I think I should try…' it was all he said.

' Uh, what?' it was my dumbfounded-ness that really got both of us pretty surprised. My expressionism usually maintains a sense of philosophical quietness. Stoic in plain words, this is interesting, what is his aim now? What was he cognitive about?

' You know Kai I usually don't try. I mean…' he doesn't know how the places should be rotated, he's a confused young man, '…you know a girlfriend; I haven't tried many dates. I mean I'm kinda scared…'

' The same way Tala scares you…?' that was an insensitive, playful, tease. I almost snickered, for the evil temptation to. It was extremely unusual. Too bad he caught the almost, wasn't thrilled actually.

He looked somewhat quasi-irate, ' Maybe an adolescent won't understand my problems.' This battle has been won by him. Was there a battle to begin with? He almost does the exit with the storming effect…

' I was kidding.' I reply plainly, feeling searing candle-stick burns of his statement, ' Adolescence suits _you_ more than _me_.'

' Really,' he looks more than the semi-irate, ' Believe it or not Kai you are fifteen so please cut of the bullshit that you are all maturity. It's not because I'm twenty-two it's because you act this lame teenage wanabe. You will have your limitations so will I.'

Limitations: I was taught to forego the complex of it in the Abbey. So, I think I am more matured than I'm supposed to be. ' Please Tyson,' I'm irate now, mostly because flashbacks proves my decisions inactive of reasoning, ' **_It's more like_** **_I take care of you_**. **_You can shove your twenty-two years back to the cradle!_**'

' Really?' it was the disappointing thunder in his voice that keeps it and converts it to reason: I have transcended the limitation that is emotionally valuable, _you may pass the_ _abbey Kai, how will you pass lif_e? ' Well it's nice to know I have a constant babysitter then doesn't it. Tell me Mr. Hiwatari are you scheduled to visit your boyfriend Tala. I'm not s'pposed to know right what goes on in the bedroom at night between you two coz I'm like eleven, can't destroy my virgin mind. Besides, you are always taking care of me so I should look up to you right Mr. Reasonable-Hiwatari. It's not like I'm worth the time for explanations and truth, I mean I'll eventually understand you're homosexual and how you enact sex in different positions so why bother with your time on a kid you're just babysitting. Hell, you can even spare a few pounds from the old man who takes care of me, but you're having a ball of a time with your private world and well history.'

' Tyson.' I hurt him with the mallet, to the skull-bound cavity of patience; I have never told him about my past but his love was unconditional, he never accused me of secrecy but now, I opened up an internal bleeding, this was wrong, ' I was joking – believe me, it came out wrong –'

' Save it.' It was the manifestation of hurt and failed conception, he never meant to see my sadistic side relishing in his quiet fears, I have suddenly become the tabloid. What was worst it feels like I always was, living next to him – this was a horrendous discovery indeed, ' You don't to feed me milk and cookies.'

' I hate being called adolescent!' my rush, my panic, I love Tyson, he's my brother, my friend, my family – he slapped me once for my attitude, he cared enough to hold me when I cried – I can never, I never-ever want to lose his love and trust – he is the man I will always respect, ' Tyson…I do know Tala…it's just – I mean – Tyson I can't explain my past…it's dreadful – Tala is involved in it –' I was stammering. It was if I was subconsciously fainting. The Valkov Abbey has the effect of all the drugs in the world – it's this hell laced with the venom of human want.

' Did he ever hurt you?' Tyson held me seeing my unsorted behavior, I see his fear, his anger – this man loves me as a little brother, ' Kai did Tala ever hurt you physically, _sexually_…' he realized he might have jested about my presumed ordeal, it got him strapped to the struggle of the calms, the storm rising, ' If he ever did…' the anger of a sibling, the anger of love, is this protection that is celestial, ' I'll fuck him up personally, God, that –'

' No Tyson.' I explain as I hugged him back, ' I did injustice to Tala. I told him to fuck-off when in actuality I wanted him close by…I…I'

' Stop Kai,' he soothes me, ' Kai I'm sorry. I demand too many things from you –'

' No Tyson.' I know it is starting, the rainfall of confession, ' Tyson, you have been quiet for eight years. I should explain some things…'

' Kai, are you sure?' he looks disorientated, not sure if he should encourage, this is Tyson Kinomiya – the aggressive blader yet the golden-hearted, how remarkable of a man is he?

' Yes.' I let go of my embracing.

Eyes close as that to a lizard's, rotating inside my vesicles of memories.

Tyson draws a sharp breath. He knows, as I, he'll need it.

' Tyson.' I begin the fable, the one with is the sadistic-gothic kind, with the softness that crawls on your skin in the fashion of a lizard, coldness, utter coldness, of a body not devisable by a mammal. The feeling is foreign, ' My past is in a place in Russia called Valkov Abbey… where I lived until you rescued me…'

…  
…  
…  
…

' You hate me don't you?' it is his demeanor that alters; gazing, fiddling of his eyes, a passionate bouquet of flowers, Scarlet Roses mixed with Velvet ones. This is the romanticism of sadness and I am amazed. His perfection allows it.

' I don't know.' The soft, voice in my throat utters cruelty in truth. Do I hate him? It is plausible, is the strength heavily down? Is it incurable?

' I won't say goodbye to you…' it happens with the flash of lightning – he drops the flowers he's holding me – embraced in a cloud? I find it plausible, his softness is remarkably, verily unique but it does diminish his masculinity it just strengthens it, literally, the voice deepened by soft, stressed but tamed to some relaxation. Is this sexuality? I'm feeling funny – is that feeling sexual. Brooklyn is this your way of wooing the stand of the night – do you believe this form of lust does the trick? NO – you are not so vulgar it's me, I just wish I can know you beyond the façade of perfection. You're holding me still, you want to kiss, your breath is hot against my neck – so near, your tongue is tempted to lick. You seemed so sexual, how do I know – uh, it's your manhood it somehow moves, uh, this is strange – I don't understand, ' I…I can't, won't, please forgive me love. I'm a scumbag I know. But, I s'ppose you won't, can't, rectify me.'

' I thought you were troubled.' I say my honest feelings, my head lying on his shoulder, he was so expression, so naked behind his clothes – at that moment, and I felt his right hand on one of my hips. It was unusual but not…annoying… I was confused…He seemed genuinely affectionate, but it was romantic, I was confused, ' It was wrong for me to push you. You are right I'm a kid.'

' No, Hilary, you…I am troubled.' He confesses but it seems so sad. I have never heard him sad or seen him sad. Even now I can't, my head is facing the other direction. Yet, I bold breaking the harmonic embrace slightly – I look up. The gems of green become unripe dead fruits. Oh Brooklyn.

' I wanna help you.' I don't know what intensity urges me but I put a hand on his cheek. He looks at me, the look is fantastical. He moves closer. The extempore revels as God-gifted talent: he wishes to kiss me.

' You don't need to waste your time with me.' He puts his hand on my cheek. This is the first time, the first time, _he_, **we** have been bold. Do I want him?

' Brooklyn you are not a scum bug! You're my friend!' And, maybe more, his eyes are like the tomcat in heat. He looks at me, so intensely.

' Hilary, I need you.' His voice becomes so leveled with deepness I think I could've squeaked; his eyes pour down something, ' I want you.' He was beginning to touch his nose with mine, ' To be locked with you…badly…' he was moaning, I felt his something brushing against me, ' _I want to make love to you._' He whispers, moans, into it.

I see it then. The fantasy he had. In his eyes, it's scary, bestial, refined, lustful, adventurous, fluid, and lovely – he wanted to make love with me. I don't think he planned it.

It became his passion for the moment, had it been his passion all along? I saw the fantasy in his eyes – him taking me, closing the door, locking it. Eagerly taking off my clothes, taking off his, I was not left untouched by him. His eyes say: I can touch him and I do with experimental hands, nervously, he moans, he can't take it anymore – he wants our flesh and souls to be united. So we start, rushing like tides, I'm moaning uncontrollably as he kisses and says things that make me feel lost – He is an expert, but not with me, he becomes virginal, loving my body, saying Venus De Milo wasn't anything compared to me. He says he wants to do it, again and again, so I let him – when I can push no further – when he too has pushed his furthest – I moan out his name! Scream it! I've clawed his back – He does as well – he has never yelled this high – never felt this alive – he thinks he loves me, no, he says it "I love you princess. I love you. Please be mine. You have already enslaved me whole!" – I can't respond though, I don't know what to answer. He cradles me, kisses me, " I love you."

He goes awkward. Am I back in reality? He looks afraid. What is wrong? Was that real, I mean the fantasy? It was so detailed. I thought I was dreaming. No, I'm here – Brooklyn is still holding me I feel his uh -hum. Uh, what's happening?

' _Zeus…_' it was almost an angry scowl, though a whisper, what happened? I felt I was in Brooklyn's mind. Was I really?

He gasps and breathes loudly, He was sweating as if…we had…we had…sex…I feel his private place loosen itself from the heat. It took more than ten minutes. It was difficult because he felt he was close to his orgasm. He was breathing rapidly. It was as if he was angry and frustrated. Did I really feel his fantasy? Was, he, really…I mean…did he actually fantasize about _me_…I mean…me…I'm not that spectacular…_what _was _happening_?

' Hilary…I…' for the first time in his life the man looked frightened; his limitations all were bounded and bonded with me. The careless disarray makes me feel…apprehensive? No the sinew of the this emotion is unparallel to any pre-directed sensation. ' I think…I have to tell you something…'

Three little words: meaning largely the whole portion of memory will shift into it and lock it up.

' I am leaving.' Those aren't the exact words of enunciation which bring forth tears of joy and harmonious embraces – though sappy at times it is actually very beautiful.

What of these new words? What do they mean?

' Hilary…I am leaving after a few days…I'm going away…back to Russia I think…' he stammers and the whole flesh is exposed. Brooklyn acted more truthfully today than all the days of our meeting combined: I knew now he could be naked in front of me. ' I don't know if I can keep in touch with you that much either. I don't think it'll happen at all.' For a moment he got composed to his original façade yet it was only little lived because he became sentimental. Was I altered as well?

' Why?' it were my tears talking, rushing in undulating masses becoming some object of twisted pain and deep reflection. Brooklyn is my friend. He shouldn't leave and he couldn't. It was not possible.

It was immediate. He grabbed me. This was an embrace, ' You know I never loved anyone as much as I love you.' It was the first time he confessed. This was real and the whole message made it clear, ' Darling, I have to go. I will explain things to you one day – I mean I know you deserve to know things now but…but it's difficult…but know this…that I will always be by your side…'

He produced it then. The pencil, his favorite one, the one he uses for sketching. I took it, I cried on his chest. I knew it wasn't going to change and though I demanded inwardly why this was happening I couldn't do it to his face. My vice I believe. I didn't want to see him hesitant.

So Brooklyn left. He went away, left Japan. That was the last time I saw him.

I believe Brooklyn a man of his word; he'll come back. I don't understand what happened that day. I knew I was attracted to Brooklyn but love…? Did…I… love him? Do I?

What if the answer is "no"? What if it is "yes"? What will both mean? What do I have to do? What will he do? What can he do or I do? Whatever happens…whatever is the outcome…I just want to see him again…I have to…because I've loved him as a friend and still do. Yet he – he always loved me more.

I hold on to the pencil. Wishing it to be a magic lamp with a apparition of a genie inside. Brooklyn's half telling me if his love was actually romantic. Even if I see the genie not coming out I still want to hold on to the pencil.

The pencil is him miniaturized. It is somewhat of his persona.

* * *

' That much happened and you didn't tell me…not up till this moment…but I always knew…something was always different about you Kai. From day one to now, ever since you became my little brother I always wanted to know what it was that made you different from the other kids. I had a feeling Kai, it was a violent past, I had a feeling Kai that it must do something with your grandfather…but after what you told me I'm glad that jerk-off is dead…' he was unusually quiet and cool. Tyson in a unique form, ' Tell me have you ever track on this guy called Boris?' 

' No, not really,' it was painfully truthful, obvious to boot, ' because I really didn't care. Boris is this bastard I can do without.'

' Sorry bro but…' Tyson all of a sudden knocked me on the head, ' What the hell Kai such a sly character, despite your pains you should keep track of him!'

' Well,' I knocked him back, ' It ain't easy Tyson and truthfully I don't care! That guy is a maniac! Why should I waste my time on him!'

' Kai, listen.' He almost pleadingly told me this, he grabbed my hands in the process, ' Don't you think it's absurd that this Boris hasn't really shown his face yet? I mean this guy mostly resembles a slippery character who is impatient so why this much quiet. He is up to something.'

' Tyson I know that, BBA's Dickenson is worried and so is the rest of the world who knows him. You see Boris must be in America, living in this mansion-type-place. Security is hot there and though surveillance is authorized Boris is definitely more advanced in his steps then they are. Also because of him being titled a side-character to my Grandfather's plans BBA and the police really can't do much. Boris will definitely complain if there is any friction in his way – he is a citizen, believe it or not and he is rich, he can buy anything.' The explanation was done.

' Hey Kai did this guy inherit some of your Grandfather's fortune?' a very good question.

' Yes, also Boris had dealings in the Black Market and also now has many more in the open market. His progress has weakened slightly but he has more subtle black market trading jobs now – seeing the fact he is a beyblading scientist he can offer a lot to people who have an interest in blading or properly bitbeasts.' I assessed to Tyson the information.

' Tell me Kai, aside from that freak of nature you called Black Dranzer, have the other genetically modified bitbeasts from that abbey been seized? If so did Mr. Dickenson tell you what exactly happened to them?' Tyson was now gold-digging information and it was high-time this should be done.

' I'm not sure about that. Mr. Dickenson told me that project was being handled in America by this scientist called Judy Mizuhara. Progress reports are classified and to be honest I didn't delve into it. Those bitbeasts are mostly insane due to their memory being encoded in violence. I think I didn't want to remember that they were going to be used for warfare and making soldiers out of the abbey children.' My truth exposed at last.

' That's understandable…' Tyson patted my back assuring me care though his face with a seriousness devoid of any other emotions, ' But I believe we should ask him now. If some of them are alive Boris may try to repossess them, hardly something we want. Besides I've heard Judy Mizuhara is this great scientist, though I forgot who told me that, I wanna know what she is doing with the bitbeasts. Hey Kai you haven't told me something yet, and it's really important?' he stressed it with a lot of capacity.

' What is it?' I became nervous, I had a feeling this was coming.

' Kai, you knew Hiro and you knew him – what exactly happened? Is he a part of Biovolt? Because it'll be hard I mean – it's not right…' he was almost subconsciously falling from the pressure.

' Yes I knew Hiro and he knew me but this thing regards Tala and I can't tell you it now.' I knew that was the right decision.

' What the hell do you mean?' he was slightly angry, expected and accepted.

' Listen Tyson Hiro will be back in a few days I want him to tell you this. We'll confront him together.' I reasoned, this was the best way because even I didn't know the complete story and so this was necessary.

' Fine.' He looked at me understandingly, feeling my incomplete knowledge, ' Listen, about this guy Zeo, you say he's your cousin?'

' Yes, Zeo Hiwatari, he is the son of Zagarth Hiwatari – my mother's step-brother.' I recalled the fact that was true. It's surprising, like a paradox – Zeo my relation in some ways. Definitely not by blood but an impression still counts.

' What does that kid want exactly?' Tyson was pondering of it – me too, actually.

' You know Tyson,' I started reflectively, ' He asked me a very weird question.' Before he could utter the importance of it I said it, ' He asked me where Black Dranzer was? Like I actually had it with me even now?'

' But isn't that impossible?' Tyson got immediate response; a certain confusion – like mine, ' You told me you destroyed that!'

' Yes…but Zeo kept on asking me about it – I'm not sure why he asked about it too much…' I was thinking on it, it was really strange.

' Kai.' Tyson became intensely seriousness, ' I don't need to tell you this as you know something fishy goin' on and it now has included your step-uncle Zagarth. Also, I think the pieces are set.' Tyson walked and looked out the dojo window, ' Boris has finally made a move it seems.'

' Yeah. I think so too, though I wanna know what those pieces revolve around exactly…' I think Tyson and I were thinking with the same mind.

' Kai we need to go to the BBA. We need to talk to Mr. Dickenson. I think we definitely need to ask him about the scientist who researched on those bitbeasts. We might find clues from him.' Tyson was suggestive and I got clarified we were thinking with the same mind.

' Yeah, let's go.' I got up urgently but he eyed me.

' I think we could use an appointment – you know Mr. Dickenson could be busy.' Tyson got formally inclined; I sometimes wish I could smack him.

' Tyson you've been beyblade world champion over a zillion times!' I screamed at him and definitely took him aback, ' You really won't need an appointment!'

' Really,' he eyed me again then started grinning like an idiot, ' I almost forgot that.' He became so cheery that I was taken aback – he forgot his title – so Tyson-like, ' But I still think it would be polite if we called him.'

' Fine, fine…' I put a hand on my forehead and stressed my boredom.

' Good, but before that.' He placed the phone back and looked at me.

' What is it now?' I didn't know why he was killing time.

' You knew Hiro from the very beginning didn't you? How is that?' Tyson and his seriousness was something to deal with.

' I'm not sure.' My annoyance became more like nonexistent; I became quiet.

' Not sure – or not sure how to tell me?' Tyson really does have perceptive – whoever thinks he only blades and eats, and really can't do anything more is a dumbass. He is secretly capable of a very special kind of understanding that really avoids other people.

' Well you got me.' I tell him truthfully.

' Well I hope you tell me soon,' Tyson picked the phone again, ' Because I think Hiro was or still is involved with Biovolt somehow and I don't like the idea of it, I hate to think my brother a criminal, if that is what you are trying to protect me from, I think you are only going to hurt me more in the end by not telling – but I respect your silence, hopefully you'll tell me very soon.'

' Don't worry – I will. It will be personal though,' I smile at him, ' My anger with Hiro isn't really justified. In truth, he's more of a bystander in all those things that happened.'

' That's nice to know.' Tyson's smile of relief was my relief and secretly I imagined how Tala and Hiro were – after all that is where the connection lied. Zeo, he was also in my mind. I am remembering ghosts from the past who were never ghosts but breathing phantoms.

I think I am paradoxical recluse. Someone who prefers to stay quiet, someone who wanted to protect people by not telling them about my past – in the end was that justified?

It's funny that I used the word paradoxical recluse – because Brooklyn used it and defined it saying we are both like that, though I couldn't ever seeing him like that or us similar in any way.

Being identical to Brooklyn in any way was scary, annoying, disgusting – in the end implausible.

* * *


	10. Breathless Obsidian

**Disclaimer:** (Waking up in a hospital) What I'm outta jail? (Doctor enters) Well hello there Vignette, guess what you have been released from jail (Vignette all happy) Hurray! Hurray! (Doctor coughing nervously) Uh…miss…you were in a coma for two months – uh and that man Aoki Takao who owns Beyblade, that cool anime paid for your expenses – and, what are you doing! (Vignette trying to take out needles) I own Beyblade! ME! ME! (Doctor yelling) Nurse I think we got a loony one! (Vignette demented) Hahahahaha!

**Author's Note: _THANKYOU ALL WHO HAS REVIEWED! SERIOUSLY! I LOVE YOU GUYS! SERIOUSLY! I GIVE YOU HUGS AND KISSES! LET ALLAH BLESS YOU ALL!_ _SERIOUSLY! I AM SO BLUSHING RIGHT NOW! THANKS!_**

I must tell something important. The second portion of this chapter will have some graphic content so please don't get offended. The song "Hostility" Is something I wrote. Emilene's comments on Kristen inspired me in this chapter also – Thanks Man! Also I can't believe Moonlight Serenity's comment (blushes) Thanks!

Angel Of Suicide I will be honored to be added to your C2 (smiles and gives hug).

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**_Special Note: As of now, the dedication to this story will also be shared; I dedicate it to one of my best friends, Nadia. Nadia, my friend, is immigrating to another country and left as I was writing this chapter. The news was very sudden and I was very sad. Nadia is very close to me like a sister, also she is the only friend I had in my country who watches Beyblade (seriously)._** **_WELL, I'LL PRAY TO ALLAH ALMIGHTY THAT NADIA SETTLES DOWN EASILY TO HER NEW HOME AND THAT WE ARE ALWAYS GOOD FRIENDS TILL THE VERY END. _**

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**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
X  
Breathless Obsidian **

* * *

_Hostility_

" You can punish me beyond reason  
I won't mind  
You can be cruel  
But I will smile

This is how I'm sardonic  
This is how I mimic

Your love, your hate, your rage, your gaze  
Oh how demure can you be  
With your hostility

Free me from yourself  
You're this hell

Encompassing everything I believe  
Watch your back  
I'll stab it for you  
Betraying me is what you always do  
So I'll do the same!

Watch out, you're vile, watch out for yourself  
Take that claw you call your hand and bruise yourself

I hate you not, I love you not  
But can you call upon me when you are hot  
Just let go

Of the thing you have for me  
Your Hostility can't abide  
Can't let you shine  
So just let go!

Feed me poison – is that your goal?  
Your soul: tormented, wretched, from what I don't know  
Hell-bent on what cause? You are too foolish  
If my hostility could kill you  
I'll surely let it

Now I find no ascension  
Only depression, only descent  
No more arising  
No more the phoenix-effect  
Watch out for me  
I have the bigger hand on the cruelty, on the malice  
I'm hostile, I'm an animal  
Will you beat me before I get to you?

* * *

Leisurely my lips open: hypnosis occurs in a paradoxical and I just surrender to it: 

' _Blanc_ _ou noir comme toi je parts au loin,  
__avec l'espoir de changer le destin.  
__Bien que dans le corps l'âme embrase,  
__dans_ _l'obscurité la distance devient infinite_

_Avec des jeunes vêtus en peau de bête,  
__on_ _danse ensemble au milieu des tempêtes.  
__Un_ _autre horizon se dissout  
__dans_ _la lumière des yeux qui veulent se reveiller._

_Et, j'attend là,  
__où_ _rien bouge maintenant._

_Même_ _si je ne te vois pas  
__Je_ _peux retrouver ce que l'on cherche dans la nuit,  
__même_ _si c'est très difficile  
__je_ _danserai mon chemin avec les loups_.'

Trying to stabilize the tunes in English, part of Ilaria Graziano's _Valse de la Lune_, translated to _Waltz of the Moon_:

' _White_ _or black as I depart beyond you,  
__with_ _the hope to change destiny.  
__Although in the body the soul blazes,  
__in_ _the darkness the distance becomes infinite._

_With the youths dressed in the skin of beasts,  
__we_ _dance together in the middle of tempests.  
__Another horizon dissolves  
__in_ _the light of eyes that want to awaken._

_And, I wait here,  
__Where nothing moves right now._

_Even if I don't see you  
__I can regain what we seek in the night;  
__Even if it's really difficult  
__I'll dance my path with the wolves_.'

I finish, the syllable to the songs in English cannot sway as smoothly to Yoko Kanno's brilliant composed music yet that was expected as the song was Italian, _Face it Hilary Tatibana you may not know Italian but this **Wolf's Rain** song is one of your favorites_, I gain an inhalation and soon I exhale as I say that to myself. I sang the song a couple of more times – it has this alacrity; I believe in it. It's soothing and at the same time melodiously stable and profound.

I'm in a good mind right now. Luckily it will not change, either for homework pressure or any sort of pressure. My dad and mom are downstairs. They must be doing something like watching television. I'm just here in my room. Sketching; with Brooklyn's pencil.

I usually don't do that.

I never really use it.

Is this a bad idea?

Stroking the fine lines of the figure I'm drawing I really help my drawing with markers and dark ink fountain pen. I love the blackness of the pen, it's exotic and demurely places its hands on me – meaning the fragmentation of its beauty. I get swept away by a literary ambiguous terms at times – perhaps my attempts to be an artist? Sure, I guess I fix my own question with a sustainable answer. I keep on sketching and soon I finish – it really isn't something I'd known I'd draw.

Brooklyn Masefield Kingston

Nowadays I think more about him. I can't really understand why, why do I think of him a lot? A sudden alarm to something I s'ppose. What was it anyway? I sometimes dislike the jigsaw puzzle fate tells me to play. The pieces are abstract and I'm mending an ink-blot it seems. Very felicitous I can say that to the purport of it. Very charming – I'm definitely not being sarcastic. Why Brooklyn anyway? Do I have a sixth sense? Do I feel he's coming back? Why is it so important to me?

Stupid: I know the reply to that, genius, really I am a dumbass – Brooklyn is important to me? Friend or not, Supposed crush or not, Brooklyn will always be there in my life. I guess we are bonded together, revolving around the same solar system. Yet I feel sad at times because I don't want to hurt him. What if my feelings are just simple magnetic attractions? What if it isn't magnetic romance with God's Blessings and intense touches? Will Brooklyn define me as a crook, a deceiver – wait, how can I be all those things. I have never told him I loved him. Did it simply spell itself out, the impression of it? I hope not: I am not sure where this emotions are guiding me and so I won't be fast – I won't leap to a design thinking it's the one and only. If I do love Brooklyn, it'll gradually show – I need my faith in God to help me through this.

I guess it is this hard when you are seventeen; hell, I guess it is this hard when you are eighteen; nineteen, twenty – love is a simply complex solution soaking your heart. It is stable, unstable, refined and spoiled – it is a very different organ with no perfect specialized tissues or function. That makes it so perfect. Right now my feelings for Brooklyn are fluctuating; it can be deep or just shallow. Either way I'll scan my emotions whenever I can. Brooklyn isn't going to regret whatever I chose because I'll be honest with him.

' Hiromi! Hiromi Tatibana! Please answer me! I've been calling you for five minutes! What are you doing!' it was my mom who allowed herself to step into my room after ascending over the stairs, she didn't seem happy, but more concerned than unhappy, ' Hilary?' a very tender approach now.

' S-sorry,' I really was, ' I'm in a drugged-up mood – not that I'm doing drugs.' I explain as she seemed dumbfounded, ' It's an expression mom!' I laugh as she relaxes, ' Is there anything I can do for you?' I ask, lifting myself out of my desk and stretching.

' Uh, yes, your friend called, that Kenny boy – seriously he said "Is Hilary there?" and I was "Who is Hilary?" then he says your proper name "Hiromi please". Hiromi do you use that nickname, seriously I hope this popular trend fades – I don't really enjoy it that much. Tyson Kinomiya superstar blunders are considered infamous nicknames – really…' my mother doesn't really like "Hilary" much.

' Mom…uh…the phone…' my hand outstretched – I really hadn't spoken to Kenny in a while.

' Oh…here…' she gives it to me and heads outside, only reappearing as I put the phone near my ear, ' Please make the conversation brief honey dinner is served and you haven't eaten lunch. You can call him back after you finish dinner, tell him that.'

' Sure.' I smile and she gives one in return as she exists, now to the phone, ' Hi Kenny how are you?'

' Hey Hilary – long time no see, I just called to chat…yeah just that…without Dizzy it gets lonely around here…' he seemed very confused with his own actions as he spoke. I really felt compassionate, he really feels weak in socializing with others. I don't know why – he really is a great guy.

' So Dizzari hasn't come back…' I mutter it, ' Do you have any clues to where she went?'

' Bitbeasts sometimes leave their partners,' he sadly explains, ' Though mostly it is because they need thinking space like we humans do…but…but…other times it's because they just fade or want to become nonexistent…or look for someone else as a partner…'

' Why does she need so much space?' I steer the subject slightly, Kenny can get pessimistic, ' I mean she is a spirit – her whole existence channels a pretty satisfactory energy doesn't it?'

' Hilary, you don't think Dizzy really abandoned me do you?' he was sad, my attempt has failed.

' No, truthfully I don't…you are a great partner…she loves you…you must believe in her love to believe in the happiness you share with her…' it is true advice, I can believe it so should Kenny. After all he never mistreated or abused Dizzari – there isn't a true facet to why she left. I believe it as a temporary leave.

' I wanna believe that…but…' he is pulled by the ropes of suffocation; Dizzy is very important to Kenny.

' Tell me…what do you think?' I have to hear him out, my tone is lowered to a breezy effect, he must know I'll help him.

' I'm a weak blader!' he suddenly bursts it out, ' I mean…scientific stuff aside my Beyblading is terrible! Believe me she left me for that!'

' So you think of yourself as that.' I'm annoyed.

' W-what?' he stammers; I growl.

' Stop being condescending!' I scream and he gasps, ' You are Dizzy's friend! Not her pawn! Kenny Kinomoto she'll come back if you believe optimistically; don't be a cynic and think you are so fragile…God…you are strong, believe me…not weak…if you ever thought otherwise it's because you must've been high on drugs…' it was said with a heavy admonishing tongue.

' I don't do drugs…' Kenny almost squeaks it out.

' Well you do loads of "I'm a dumbass" drug and "Kick my ass" grass – geez Kenny you are a dignified man. Stop forgetting that…' I'm slightly sardonic; I want him to know the potency within him.

' It's not easy Hil!' so he enunciates, ' I just…was so used to her presence…she is gone! Without telling me too! What does she think she is "Miss I-am-so-great-you-are-nothing" I will kill her I swear!' he amplifies the stress.

' You can't kill her you know…' I tease, ' She's a spirit…'

' Well…oh I can torture her can't I…?' he seems restless, ' When she comes back I'll do that!'

' So you know she's gonna come back…' it is like a reverse-psychology thing with my playful voice.

' Yeah! I mean I'm her partner right? Surely she'll come back!' Kenny reconciles with his belief.

' Good…' I say it in a flowery way, ' You believe she's gonna back!'

' Yeah…well…' Kenny almost grumbles, ' I wonder what's taking her long…'

' Well, good things for those who wait…' I smile as I brush my hair – an example of the phrase, I was trying to grow it and in time it will be illuminant hopefully. ' Well, Kenny, have you actually called for MingMing's number or what?'

' When…did…I mean…I…' he stammers so uncontrollably I laugh.

' C'mon Kenny you can try talking to her more…' I know of his crush besides it could be love though I shouldn't blindly encourage him.

' C'mon Hilary,' he exhales as if he is intimate with something, ' I'm not exactly the type she prefers…'

Truthfully, I couldn't dissuade Kenny from that thought because he wasn't really physically appealing – it was not cruel judgment that made me call it like this but it was truth. Kenny was adorable but somewhat more emaciated than he should be and tiny in his expressions. Though he lacked confidence his shyness was not really admirable because he was adept at acting more immature than concerned. Though in actuality, Kenny needed some pointers to sharpen himself. Dizzy was a constant tease to it then helping. It wasn't the physical body but the physical aura he got wrong: it showed more of a apathetic look than it actual intention.

MingMing thought that herself; she told me. Good news – she _actually_ noticed Kenny Kinomoto.

To be honest Ming-Ming doesn't have a good taste in boys when it comes to commitment. Either she's non-committal or the guy is, it turns out to be a ruckus rather than a relationship. She seems to emphasize physical perfection and never see the mind. When she does and if she finds herself in a loss with the fluffy-kind of romance she likes, she'll break up with the guy or dump him or vice versa. The guys she dates are all cuteness and thickness – they are intelligent but narcissistic and spoiled. When I mention to her of their rude attitudes she believes I'm trying to compete with her or am extremely jealous for I have no catch like the current beau but truthfully it's just because I know secretly she's unhappy with them. Secretly, I get mad when she gives me the "Shutup" stare – thinking I know nothing. Secretly, I become evil and think how all those are second in looks when it comes to Brooklyn – ok, that's transcending the line – I just care for MingMing, she's my friend. And, as Mariah and I predicted, the so-called relationship disintegrates before any solid interaction can happen – I don't know about sex though – Ming-Ming admits more than frequently that her sex-life is ardent and enjoyable. Guess she thinks it's funny that Mariah and I are still virgins – she thinks that's old-fashioned stupidity. I smiled and told her truthfully that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of not being a virgin at the moment. Mariah, however, wasn't so happy – she rewarded MingMing with the middle finger and yelled, a lot, unpleasant words were poured.

I had to settle the two before a _real_ cat fight could happen: after all Mariah and MingMing have _very_ favorable feline talons one can say.

' Kenny you don't eat much do you?' it pops out.

' No…I know I look anorexic…' he says quietly.

' Are you?' I dared it.

' No, but I don't eat much – don't like food that much.' Another quiet confession; another thought organized.

' Well what do you like to eat?' I ask, trying to probe, no luxury of mystery for him.

' Junk food mostly – that's unhealthy I know…' He sighed and I gave tsk-tsk.

' That's having a negative effect on your body – you may have a high metabolism and you eat less all the time and work all the time. You are punishing your body beyond its limit – what are you a slave-driver?' I kind of chastise him, discipline him to be more aware, ' What does your mom do about it?'

' Well she is always at me about it like you are right now…' he seems somewhat agitated.

' Good.' I firmly command a tone of high admonition, ' At least then _someone_ takes care of you…'

' Take care of me…? Girl I'm nineteen – I'm two years older than you…no one needs to care about me…' he protested through a tight reassurance of what his age was: Very Typical really, very typical, something to help to defend.

' Oh really…' I kind of mock, ' Last time I checked you're nine – c'mon Kenny start being more vigilant about yourself or else you'll fall sick!' I request it and command it at the same time, ' Besides, parents always take care of their kids because that's one of their primary functions – you can never be too old for them. That's the beauty of it.'

' Fine…Fine enough lectures…' he seemed to be jubilant, ' I understand…you're right…I definitely need to reorganize my priorities…number one eat like I've never eaten anything in like one thousand years.'

' That's the spirit!' I smile as I tie my hair in two ponytails – A la _CardCaptor Sakura_. ' So what are you going to do now?' I question, I look through some of my text books – I need to do a book report on a play – I can't seem to find it…

' Go and Eat!' he chirped it, ' Mom will be surprised though.' He stresses it jokingly, ' It's been like ages that I went to the dinner table.'

' Well,' I talk to him slightly distracted, _Where is that book?_ ' Surprise her – it's not a bad thing.'

' You seem preoccupied…' Kenny chuckled as I sought my possession,

' It's not funny my friend…' I pout though he can't see it and teasingly portray anger, ' The book I'm supposed to do a book report on just vanished…though it isn't due until like next week…Hey I'm gonna talk to you later – see you Ken – bye.'

' Yeah bye Hil, thanks for everything…' he sounds elated and he clicks off the line.

I slowly put the phone down and look everywhere in my drawer, _Did_ _I leave it somewhere?_

The phone started ringing but I didn't answer it – too busy looking for my book – then suddenly my mother calls from below the stairs, ' Hiromi! It's for you! It's Mariah!'

' Thanks mom…' I click on the phone, ' Hey Mariah…can I call you back I'm looking for –'

' Your book,' she finishes it for me, ' Genius it's in my house with me – remember you lent it to me – because we are going to do the report together tomorrow with MingMing – oh yes I think you forgot.'

' Oh yeah…' I make a silly expression, glad she can't see it, ' So uh MingMing is coming tomorrow? – Isn't she?'

' Yup, after shopping…' she makes an annoyed noise like a "hmnn" - wait isn't that Hiwatari kid famous for doing that, has that become a trend – uh anyways.

' But that could take ages!' I protest – MingMing and shopping – if it were a mathematical equation it would be endless.

' Does she care…?' it was told in a knowing way, Mariah definitely understood the nature of MingMing in these occasions, ' Listen, we'll call her if she's late – she'll come over then – she's a good friend and tries to remain that…' it wasn't sarcastic, MingMing is a good person underneath all the popularity and denied depression – Mariah respected her a lot despite their arguments.'

' Hey what about Ray? Won't he come?' I ask timidly as I reorganize my desk; I went crazy over finding the much coveted book.

' Oh him, he's got Beyblade practice with that kid called Daichi so he won't come…I hear Tyson's coming also so whatever…' it was more like a snort than a explanation – definitely Mariah pissed off.

' Uh, Beyblade practice? You didn't go?' it isn't really healthy to probe the situation – like junk food personified – but I take a bite – see where it leads to…?

' Oh screw that!' I'm seeing where it leads too – I'm not liking the rage of it, ' You know Ray isn't exactly the most important in my life so screw him!'

' Mariah, you know him…since you were kids…' I mutter almost mutely. It was stupid but needed – I guess I wanted to see where the anger was coming from.

' Screw that! It's not like we are best friends because of it! Hell, Ray wouldn't care if I died or whatever…' she seemed colossal in her anger and I was probed by the last line. That was never Ray – no way.

' Mariah you're over-doing it…Ray does care about you and all of us…he surely would care if anything happened to any of us…to you too…' I explain, it is defensive to Ray and to be honest I think I shouldn't defend Ray at all.

' Oh really well hurray for me…' she does sarcasm and soft anger follows, ' Ray pretends I don't exist…' an exhale, ' He's pretty good at it…I don't think we were ever really friends to begin with…why does he do that anyway…?' a question to me, a question to herself.

' I'm not sure. He probably is nervous I guess…' my meek answer is highlighted with bumps – she loves him – she wants to know if it will be requited or unrequited?

' Well…I don't like forever you know…I don't…' Mariah surrenders to it, the sadness of being ignored. Seriously, Ray spends time Beyblading but never thinking – he loves her too – why make someone special wait when destiny gives you a string to pull at anytime? Seriously, Ray is an idiot! ' Uh Hilary…' she finally regained her voice, ' When I was browsing through some of the penciled notes of in your book – uh – this page fell out…I'm sorry I couldn't control my curiosity and I read it…' it was said like an apology.

' Oh…' the page, my soft voice realized what she was talking about.

' Uh it's a poem – called "Breathless Obsidian" – you wrote its meaning too – uh – the beauty of the night – I read it I'll read it again:

" Unbinding Itself; Night releases his reign over sky;  
The illuminant hair strands – the stars and the moon  
The illuminant whispers – the clouds floating of dreams.  
There lies this paradise drunk by ink – intoxicated by slivery light  
Souls of old floating through invisible channels on the black skin;  
Luscious – it's universal beauty, that silky flesh of inky curves  
Beauty hypnotizes eyes – people slumber with dreams and visions  
Beauty hypnotizes eyes – not in slumber but frozen to gawk at beauty.  
Soon dusk comes to wake up the nigh; his empire once again in ruin  
Saluting the new leader: the fashionable golden beau of another element:  
Yet night is still living – Night cannot wither:  
The Breathless obsidian he is – breathless for he is immortally preserved."

I'm sorry if it was a personal poem. I didn't mean to read it.'

' No that's ok…' I smile as I unconsciously take the pencil, ' …the person I wanted to give it to has gotten it already…'

* * *

Playing it on my lips is never difficult: it is personification to this existence I lay down so I never kick out the need for it: 

' _Something's missing and I don't know why  
__I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you  
__Is it me or you that I'm afraid of  
__I tell myself I'll show you what I'm made of  
__Can't bring myself to let you go _

_I don't want to cause you any pain  
__But I love you just the same  
__And you'll always be my baby  
__In my heart I know we've come apart  
__And I don't know where to start  
__What can I do, I don't wanna feel blue _

_Bad girl drunk by six  
__Kissing someone else's lips  
__Smoked too many cigarettes today  
__I'm not happy when I act this way _

_Bad girl drunk by six  
__Kissing some kind stranger's lips  
__Smoked too many cigarettes today  
__I'm not happy, I'm not happy_.'

Classical, utterly, classical – Madonna does me justice with her _Bad Girl_ lyrics, the ballad to my life, the song to my life, _Face it Kristen RedHart, you can_ _fuck a lot and sing well – your talents in life_. I sing that opening part of the song – I like the video too, Madonna's character gets caned – I light a cigarette. That video was released when I was five years old in '92. Geez, where's five and where is nineteen? I smoke my cigarette – I live in a nice house. Pretty flowery curtains – Pretty mattresses, beds – the works: yeah, my pretty house, like my pretty fucked up life – God, I could use another cigarette after this.

Bad Girl through and through – Madonna knows her people psychologies man.

Yeah my pretty house – like my pretty face, like my pretty waist, my pretty legs – hell everything about me is pretty! Pretty fucking stupid! I look for the ashtray as I dramatically crush the cig I smoked. Pretty good actress too – golden globe for biggest whore on the planet goes to – me. Ain't that a surprise? Oh gosh I'm blushing like if I am on my menstruation! I'm fucked up I know.

My house is pretty nice – because it's always quiet. No Dad, No Mom, No sister – Only Jezebel, yeah only Jezebel – my stupid cat. She is this Persian-Siamese mix – she is actually beautiful with her grey-cloud painted paws, face and ears and her whitish-gray body. Her eyes are cerulean rain – she is pure beauty that's why I named her such a sickening, twisted name – because I can only dream to be like her.

This pretty house isn't really my home. No way – my original birthplace residence is in California – not New York where I am now. I wonder what my parents are doing now?

I haven't spoken to my parents in five years. Ever since they kicked me out, hmmm, I expect anyone can get the picture to how it is. No Dad, No Mom, No sister – oh yeah, I had an old sister. She was four years older than me; if she were alive now, well she would be twenty-three now. She died when she was eighteen – tragic. A real Romeo and Juliet kind of thing – no, actually a twisted version of it; I really don't care that much about it anymore. Why should I? She's dead and gone – I'm still alive, hell, am I? I look at myself in the mirror and look at my face after I seem pale, ghost-like. I question myself in my head, _Am I_? Inside another voice tells me_, You're not happy_, I reply, _Fuck-off __Victoria_.

Victoria – that's a very regal name. There's a queen comprising of it – a famous lingerie and clothing line named after "the girl's" secret – and my sister was Victoria RedHart.

What was she like? I try to smudge her out of my memory – as if she were a fly – dengue fever fear I suppose. There is a fever, a fever in my heart, always have been it's burning me up like a volcano. What are the magma contents? Rage, despair, love and loathing – this is a weird red stew I suppose and I guess I eat it everyday. God, I miss her, I miss my sister Victoria – her pageant-queen face and her lovely words. Big Sister through and through: that's what she was, untainted but tainted. Like the weird stew that is broth to my heart, there is something weird in hers – a subtle drink blending Romeo and Juliet contents.

Only in this case Romeo Must Die was a phrase not to be disused. It was terribly going to be used.

She had to get pregnant. Eighteen, pregnant, alone: yeah alone because the bastard who banged her left her. That's what men are like. That's what men are going to be; child-like monsters practicing hypocritical slang they memorize from trashy romance novels. Hmph, she had such great dreams with him, such big hopes of love and parenthood, well they got fucking washed out of his mind with the orgasm. He really didn't abandon more like accuse her of being a whore. My sister was a virgin; it was the first time she ever committed: it was to her love Sam. Sammy boy really did like her much – he likes her ass and tits that made his testis go all whack. After the flood of pleasure dissipated there were other chicks to screw; hey, there are like many chicks around – damn, that really fucks up the schedule doesn't it. He stopped talking to her, coming to see her, it was nothing new, guys jerk around like that all the time. My fourteen year old mind, still virginal, wasn't adept at understanding that. My sister's eighteen-year old mind wasn't either.

Breaking the news is like a "timber" sort of effect. You don't scream it but the news screams itself. It's this poltergeist that comes alive. My parents thought so anyway.

Victoria wasn't ready to tell. She had waited three months. Those three months could amount to three-thousand years. She tried, she protested, she adjured, she was in the heap of all desperation but Sammy boy wouldn't yield, no, he was too good for that, he told her 'Fuck-off Slut! Tell daddy to come and baby-sit!'

' But…Sam you are the father…you know I was virgin before you…you-you have to take this responsibility, what's wrong with you!' she had tears, so many, so many, if they could be crystallized I think they could become diamonds, real ones, a mother's tears for her child is something valuable – more than the Yu Yu Hakusho series maiden stuff.

' Babe, who said you were virgin…' he was sardonic to her face! That rat bastard! ' I didn't hear you scream that much…'

That was the answer he gave her. Three months suffering in a pregnancy – that can be hazardous. Our father was furious, our mother too – they became accusatory rather than aiding. I hate them. I hate them a lot.

Pressures piled up. It's hard to be a single mom at eighteen. It's hard to see the man you loved screw around with your friends. Humpty-Dumpty isn't the only one who can crack.

She wore a serene face the day it happened. The doctor telling her how it was necessary that she remain calm, it was pressurizing. Mom, Dad, had been notified, but I was there. Romeo and Juliet tragedy twisted.

' I lost her didn't I – I lost Anne, didn't I Kristen?' the baby had died, she was still fetal in some ways, only sixth months, it was a miscarriage. I just stared as the little body was taken away and my sister stabilized. My mouth could never be drier, my nerves never colder. Teardrops were far away, but the explosion of the sadness wore my young heart down. To be an angel in the womb: to be angel even when exposed. Let God protect you and nurture you little one.

' Please…please…don't think about it…' I didn't know how to console her. I was numb myself…

' I…I feel…I am…slipping away…' she closes her eyes. She wore a serene face.

She died of excess blood loss. I felt empty. I see her hospital bed empty and I wait. I wait for the illusion to fade. To me her death was the ultimate illusion to me. Sadly, it wasn't illusion, it was reality. Something I wasn't prepared to face.

I carry the magnum; it's my father's – it has blood on it because I just shot one of Sam's friends on the arm. He was howling so loud that even werewolves can die from it.

He comes out, the bastard, with a redhead, who he was going to fuck. He saw me, I see me – it's a match between emotions. I fair best here; he is an apathetic beasts.

' This bitch is crazy!' the slutty redhead screams. I shot her on her knee – now she's screaming, not at me anyway.

' Anne's right man!' he scrambles towards the door, ' You are crazy!'

' So…' my silence is evil, the pause is evil, ' This whore's name is Anne…' he trembles as I approach him with the bloody gun, ' Do you know? Do you know…?' my breath becomes ragged and I growl like a wolf of carnage, ' Your baby girl was going to be named that? Did you know that…? Victoria chose Anne…This slut's name is Anne too…It seems you can fuck up anything can't you Sammy boy…' we have gone to the living room of his home now, I look dangerously at his private spot, ' Well we can fix that…'

I shot him, I shot him where it hurt the most – his manhood – as he howled like a monstrosity I return the verbal sardonic favor, ' Well, I guess you are definitely virgin – you are screaming as if you are bringing down the house…'

Many trials followed. I was locked up in juvenile hall for a year. That was a miracle. Yet no one died or miraculously lose any appendages. That guy I shot in the arm came out after two months same for the girl. Sam, he had it rough but the bastard was able to save his stuff though he was hospitalized for a long time. I guess six months. When I came out from juvenile hall my parents didn't greet me. They weren't even home. I realized they were ashamed for what I done. So I was – I went overboard by shooting the friend and the girl. I didn't feel sorry Sam. I heard he had turned a new life. Wonder when the bugs are gonna eat it. I knew where my parents kept some good healthy stash of greens so I took the cash and came to New York. My kinda town – well, not really, I wasn't really prepared for it. I wasn't really prepared to be a whore.

I guess I wanted to control them, control men. They were controllable as long as their dicks were satisfied. I wanted them to feel used and mortified. It actually was a suicidal procedure. Something I didn't expect or aware of. I have done jobs to keep me afloat. I have an uncle in Sydney Australia who knows where I am. He is well off so he helps me too. Well, actually, I told him to sod-off because I didn't need his greens. He said he cares for me because I'm his niece. He doesn't want to lose me because he has lost Victoria. He has no children of his own and is unmarried – I believe he's either not interested or is homosexual or bisexual. I think he is bisexual because he told me once about a girlfriend in a letter – then talked on how he made a new boyfriend. Pretty Classy I guess.

I had sex with the boy who lives next door.

I had sex with the boy who lives a couple of blocks away.

I had sex with the man who is drunkard.

I had sex with the man who does drugs repeatedly.

I had sex with a drunken man's bisexual boyfriend.

I had sex with the boy who is a Goth.

I had sex with the boy who is a nerd.

I had sex with the boy who was the football star in my high school.

I had sex with my English Teacher.

I had sex with my Biology Teacher.

I had sex with my Math Teacher.

I had sex with my principal.

Then,

I had sex with Brooklyn.

' Is it that you love tequila so much that you drain it in like a pipe or am I seeing things?' Sixteen, at a bar, having tequila shots like crazy, this guy thinks he's funny.

' I don't talk to losers who give lame pick-up lines…' I take down a tenth glass and almost hiss at him with arrogance.

' You just talked.' Well, what ya know, busted, ' Besides…' what the hell, I wasn't paying attention, ' I don't pick-up drunken ugly bitches…'

That really got my attention, ' What do you think of yourself!' I scream and turn around to meet jade-forest eyes and flaring sun-hair. Adonis reincarnated, 'Casanova…' I stumble with words. This guy was beautiful, literally.

' Yeah you got me Casanova.' He winked, I think I blushed. Was there any virginity in me left? I knew I was no more innocent. So why the blush anyway?

' Well, I'm not a bitch.' I snarl it softly – my teeth bear only seductively.

' I know that…' he apologizes tenderly, playfully, so sexily, ' Yet that caught your attention.'

' Worst pick-up line.' I address as I consume another shot – my eyes narrowly closed – sneaking his body line in. God, he was a beauty.

' Who said it was a pick-up line.' He says it with ignorant sexuality, meaning dully, platonically, he leans in and speeds up a fire in me. Luckily, the rise is in him, ' Do you, want to be picked up?'

' Well…' I allow the proximity, dropped the glassed drink obsession, ' I don't get pick-up by losers…' I smile, so does he, he can predict it, Love his smart senses, ' Only Casanovas do the job…'

Yes, they can. Four times in one night. His place, first time with him – it was going to change many things in my life. It was not going to be another one night stand.

_You're not happy_; I recall my sister's gentle tone in a dream. Funny, it was always said the same way. When I was seven and broke my leg, when I was ten and got a deep cut and…the time I was fourteen, in the hospital, after she lost Anne. I answered her, how could I be, my niece was dead. We both held each other and cried.

_You're not happy_; the voice is always on a repeat, always, always when I sleep with Brooklyn. Every time I do I commit murder. I do suicide. I hate being this dishonest.

I wanted more. From Brooklyn, from the path that we were going, I wanted something special. But, I never told him that, I never established it. It was just sex right? No, Brooklyn was someone special. The three years I've known him, I wanted him to be mine – Brooklyn was uncontrollable.

Brooklyn was a real man. I realized it, a man isn't someone who panders to his dick. He respects his mind and his heart. For Brooklyn I strayed away from the pessimism that all men are monsters. I just got hurt because Sammy boy was a loser trash. A true individual is uncontrollable. I realized I was – though I know I was a whore I couldn't be controlled by anybody neither could Brooklyn. He never wanted me to like him but I started anyway. I first thought it was because he was not committing to my charms – but, it came clearer as time passed. Brooklyn understood me, I did understand him too.

We were fuck-buddies. No shame in it. I know I can call him when I don't get action. He can do the same. I hated him because of it. So linear in this situation, it was as if he was secretly hostile. It suffocated me and I choked up residues of my sentimental self. I hated the fact he could see me brought out of apathy. He hated me for I saw him naked like that as well.

The man called Boris governed and still governs Brooklyn. Funny that the situation is bizarrely mutual – Brooklyn is perfection in many things: he is Beyblading incarnated.

He seems to be one with the world

He seems to possess no weakness

He seems to betray no kindness when he settles with cruelty

He can never turn away from the love he had for Hilary.

Hilary

Hiromi Tatibana

She is a Japanese girl Brooklyn loves. I am jealous of her. I believe she has stolen something that is rightfully mine. I hate her. In the end however I admire her because she hasn't really stolen anything away. I am coveting a person who has never cared for me to begin with. He does but not romantically. Our relationship is mixed with sex and friendship, with sadism on who can hurt each other. This is because every time Brooklyn sleeps with me he commits murder as well. He does suicide slowly as I do.

' So this is **Wolf's Rain**…' I look at him, ' Let me guess…this is one of Hilary's favorite animes isn't it?'

' Yup…' he smiles as we watch it together.

' So, I guess you sometimes in some ways can keep an eye on her…' I brush my hand against his hair. We are at our friendliest now.

' Yes, Boris has contacts and she did write to me…I just can't really write back…' he seems irritated for it.

' Boris doesn't want you mixing with her I guess…' I take a sip of green tea, ' I guess he knows you like her…'

' Yes…but he really can't do much…' he keeps on looking at the anime, ' If I want I can bend the secrecy rules…I can leave and get Boris to a lot of trouble…'

' That's good…' I smile at him and drink my tea.

' Breathless Obsidian…' he purrs it out.

' Huh?' I look at his sound. It's alluring to the words.

' Kristen wanna hear a poem?' he smiles at me

' Ok, sure…' I smile and he immediately, eagerly, recites.

Back to the present, my mind leaves memory lane. I draw a puff out of my second cigarette and look at my cat – she's staring at me, ' You want to say something to me?' I question my pet who just tilts her head and meows, ' Come here Jezebel…'

He doesn't come. She lies upon the couch. Soon she seems to want to cat-nap. I get irritated.

I take off one of my sandals and I throw it at her, ' Silly Cat!' it hits her, not strongly though, she immediately gets up meows in panic and runs off, ' Typical.' I laugh sadistically, that was mean. I really didn't know why I did it actually.

Breathless Obsidian – the beauty of night, Brooklyn personified. I mean his uniqueness can take your breath away but then again he can be suffocating if he wants to be. I know. Hilary is lucky she has earned Brooklyn's love.

Outside the window I see the boy next door. I smile mischievously and flash him upper skin-shot. He seems to melt.

Stupid Kid

Still, maybe, I'll fuck him later.

I guess for fun. To humiliate him: Bad girl, through and through.

* * *

**Author's Note:** The CardCaptor Sakura part was there because many fan-artists like to portray Kai coupling with Sakura. Simply Ingenious!

* * *


	11. Colossal Imprint

**Disclaimer: **(Waking up in the padded cell) so uh, what happened? Uh, uh, where are…a…am I? (Doctor Steps forward) as long as you don't stop the misbehavior I'll keep on drugging you (author confused) what man, I own Beyblade (doctor looks frustrated) Nurse! (Nurse comes in) I think we need to pick this up one notch (Author laughing) Let it rip! Yeah!

**Author's Note:** Thank you to all who have reviewed.

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XI  
Colossal Imprint**

* * *

Whispers for somewhere came forward; I sensed something. I was not in need of correction: 

_Hello Kristen,  
This cat can't play tonight. Have to beyblade – maybe, we can play if you come around midnight. My performance will still be in its zenith. You know how perfect I am. So what'll it be?_

My reply to the arrogant asshole:

_Hello Broklynie,  
No, maybe no sex tonight. You need your rest and maybe I need to do less sex for the time being. Maybe this Tuesday, that's my choice. _

After a few minutes; the reply, the email:

_Are you sure pristine Kristine? _

Arrogant little sexy predator:

_Yes, Sexy. I'm sure._

Then after a few minutes the new email:

_Ok :( Could have loved to do you today – well see you later honey._

Honey, I am its opposite. I am never truly honey. I can never be. It is very funny he calls me that. Typical flirtatious Brooklyn; I wonder if he is going to blade incessantly tonight or will he get on Boris's last nerve and play dumb. Either way, Brooklyn will vie to be the perfection he is.

' Who are you typing to Honey?' his hands are crawling cockroaches with the fingers serving as antennae. This was absolutely frustrating. God, he can be annoying.

' To my boyfriend.' The plan just engulfs me and I feel more transfixed than him. His fingers loosening indicate his shock.

' Your…what?' he stumbles with his words as intimately as the bat to light.

' Bill…Bill…' my voice approach is of the "tsk-tsk" variety and he crumbles with a wounded look, ' Why so surprised?' my edgy voice is apathetic. I deliver the best; an actress could not rival this handicraft of sure vocal talent.

' You had sex with me three times today!' he started yelling, with a healthy dose of internal fury, ' We had sex so many times before this…' he cries this statement, rushes and grabs me, not harshly, ' Tell me the boyfriend is a mistake. Tell me that you may have made a mistake.' He pleads with his eyes, ' You know, we are going…great…Kristen…let's be together…'

' Stop…this…right…' I raise my hand, ' NOW!'

I slap him very hard.

He almost falls to the floor.

He is surprised at my strength.

Good.

' You little bitch.' I spit the obscenity and my insincere face shocks him more, ' What the hell do you think! We are going to get married! I knew you were coming on to this! You little idiot! You imbecile! You are a pathetic loser! Just because I have sex with you doesn't make me yours!' I mark down my territory, ' You grunt of a man! You knew this whole deal was about sex! You are trying to play games with me! Thinking as she's great in the sack she's gotta be a keeper! You sick son-of-a-bitch! I knew this is what you were planning!' my growling rage overcomes all normalcies. I win through this without effort.

He clutches his cheek and composes himself to stand, ' Well, we do have a great thing going.' He looks more serious and puppy-dog eyes don't come in anymore, ' Well, I know you are a whore Kristin. Hell, a great one. Doing one person isn't bad – you and me. Forget those other guys – they are losers, be with me. It's simple. We both benefit. It's not like we both are looking for love or anything.' He caresses my cheek as he approached me, pathetic indeed, ' What'd ya say whore.'

' I say.' I reveal no emotion yet close my eyes, ' That, you do your best to keep your manners.'

' Or what will you do Kristin. Fuck the boy next door to hell.' He snickers, he caresses more and more, and his hand places itself on my right breast.

' Fine.' I reveal my sadistic eyes to him and he stutters due to my carnage, ' You're choice.' My nails are elongated to talons.

Scream.

Beautiful, glorious scream.

My nails have grown some inches and they are serving as talons. I have just slashed his right arm with furious velocity. There were five imprints of crimson imbedded into his skin. They were adorned with slivery bone exposure, blood, sinew and veins: Such a lovely image to savor.

' As you can see, I am able to elongate my nails to talons. This is the gift my bitbeast has given me whence we bounded.' I tell him with my eyes scanning the nails dipped in the crimson glow of his substance.

' Bitbeast…?' he clutches his wound. The cut is severe yet the damage isn't.

' Yes, you know her – Jezebel!' I call to my partner and my cat rushes forth and comes among us. She grows to a massive size, a close analogy to her whole size and bares her fangs.

' Jezebel, the cat, is actually a bitbeast…' he murmurs with strained effect as he lingers in pain. He can see the cat transform to a more massive feline body though she is still her mixed-breed self. My bitbeast is truly magnificent.

' I love beyblading…my bitbeast however does not always stay in a bit-chip. You see bitbeasts are preserved in bit-chips yet some do not have that much of an attachment to the chip and can stray away in other forms. My cat Jezebel is actually a spirit, a bitbeast, and, as we bound, we share our powers and strengths. The fury you see in Jezebel is actually my own and these wicked talons that grazed you are hers. We are purr-fect in our affections for one another.' I speak seductively as I pet Jezebel, ' Now leave Bill. Unless you want to bleed more which will bring your demise. I suggest a good wrap of bandages for your wounds.' I say it mockingly as he glares.

He exits and Jezebel transforms to her cat form whilst I can go back to my normal nail inches. I see the blood floating on my fingers, my hands and on the floor. So grotesquely messy yet narrates accomplishment on my side.

' We must clean up this mess Jezebel. It is bad manners to leave one's place untidy.' I softly, sultrily announce while she both growls and meows as an response. This day was surely exciting. Surely, it was.

I am no innocent. I am a whore. Yet bizarrely, I still vie for respect. I know I've got some remaining. Somewhere and it will remain there.

Forever; Jezebel and I shall ensure that.

* * *

Inspirational sunlight aided me in my portrait. I can only add flares to the painting of Brooklyn. Life is God's duty. People are God's portrait. My work a layered paper enviously, competing a futile battle with skin. Skin its predecessor will win forever. I, Hilary Tatibana, know that. 

This is the colossal imprint. Beauty lies in the real through any medium.

I am a mere copier. A sculptor to which that has been perfected – the fleshy, sinewy, blood-vein craft of God is too beautiful. Paper is only a channel; it cannot imitate the warmth of the living individual; it may but show that it is a copy. The flares are the addition to represent warmth. The real body represents its with its own blood-soul currents. The waves can lead you to hypnosis. It is passionately intertwined with vague stupors of iridescent rainbows that color your eyes with ecstasy over infant fantasy. That's why I love it.

Yet do I love Brooklyn?

That is an answer I'm searching for.

That's the answer I'll forever look for.

If, I must, then I will.

I eat sandwiches made of salad-chicken and a bit of sauce. I contemplate my meal with my muses on Brooklyn. The dressing of chicken: blending beautifully with salad, melting away with sauce. An attraction: your appetite is stirred and you want to devour it with fervor; an immediacy. Is that love or lust or both?

The variables depend with people. Sometimes that too is in a stir.

Tyson and food is more dominant on love than lust. Kenny and food is more dominant over lust than love. Yet, not all lusts are sinfully grabbed and mutilated and not all loves are quite nonchalant and in tides. Tyson's love comes as fury but Kenny's lust beckons a gentler mouth. This shows some people's lust – which I sample here as necessity – with another's love – I sample as desire – comes from different wavelengths.

So, the product of this experiment that is it more lust than love; or love than lust?

Brooklyn's enigma even inspires my feelings to act awkwardly; ' What am I doing?' a monologue, seriously needed to have an answer, but the walls of my room are resonant and have no lips to give vocals expect influence a session of more thinking.

Then, what do I do now exactly?

…

…

…

…

' So are you going to write to him?' she asks me cautiously. It's not really a fear of outburst but rather a fear of inflicting miserable thoughts in me. I just look into spaces of imaginary galaxies. My mind went numb, ' Hilary?'

' Uh…what…uh…' I look fumbled with a face caught in illusion's stars and black pools of spacious matter.

' I said, are you going to write to him? I mean an email. I know he told you he isn't allowed the computer often with his dad being some restrictive bastard, but, you should write to him at times.' Mariah's point though stressed to a lethal point could not be accepted. Her vocal assessment must be there for futile reasons. This is because she couldn't understand.

' I don't wanna get him into trouble…' I say it with a certain soft tongue, my muses aid me, I feel romantically infused, what is happening to me, ' You know the perils of going against sadistic parents.'

' No, not really, only I can imagine.' She replies the truth with a confidant stare, ' My parents are never pushovers and they respect me and love me and I them.' She is optimistically flushed. It is good to have nurturing parents.

' I imagine the worst.' My pessimism is noted with the tremulous effect my voice had, ' Brooklyn is not the average kid, it's natural he won't have a natural foster father.'

' Wait a minute…' she scanned me intensely and I picked the vibe, ' Brooklyn lives with a foster parent?' her surprise was vividly carried, ' How come you never told me that? Besides, does he know where his real parents are? Or how he got adopted?'

' To be honest…' I recalled traces of emotions, ' Brooklyn was never pleased to talk of his foster father or his real family. That is when he almost lost his stoic touch and then requested me not to bring them up. I never probed much after that.' I recollected the tensions of such incidents of the past.

' Well,' she looked very confident, ' If I were you I could succeeded in mild probing. My overt operations never fail.'

' Yeah Miss Mariah Wong is Miss-bitchy-know-it-all!' I tease and throw at pillow at her and it hits right on the face! I laugh hysterically! Yet she pretends to growl then joins in. It's funny and special finding time with a friend like Mariah. She is one of my best friends after all. I look at the time, it is late, ' Hey where is MingMing?'

Mariah snuffs and seems to extinguish a rather heated growl; yup, she was pissed, ' MingMing can shop till she _really_ dies – _shop till you drop_ ain't a catchphrase, more like blatant reality! I knew this would happen!' her voices raises to a stronger volume and her arms are crossed. Yup: pissed.

' Mariah, call her on your cell-phone, she probably will pick up…I bet she got distracted by something…' I try my internal, mental hands at pleasing her mood. Her frown doesn't dissolve so I guess I have failed.

' Yeah, right, I don't have time for this Hiromi. We have to write this literature essay so please – hey, Hil, why do you think Romeo is misguided?' her attention goes to her books and she lightens down due to them.

' Misguided, uh, um…' something in the question frightens me, _Misguided? Am I "misguided" or really in love, I don't know_, ' I don't know…'

' Really, ok, well I think Romeo is, I mean Hil he likes Rosaline first then falls in love with Juliet. I think is more like a fairytale because seriously their "love at first sight" drifts to a syndrome rather than a reality. I mean I understand the "cupid arrow" which leads to the love of first sight but the details of love, true love even at first sight needs more things don't you agree? The catharsis of Romeo and Juliet serves powerfully the meaning that people's emotions can really provide justification to their feelings and actions. I think I undermine Shakespeare's views of love in the play. I mean love seems frail there despite the suicide.'

Mariah spoke and I understood without understanding, ' Wh-what…?'

' Uh, I'm talking about Romeo's misguided figure, is he or not? I kinda think the love element is frail despite the suicide inspired ending…I mean what do you think?' Mariah looks at me, obviously, she detects my nervousness and I don't think I can make a thesis on that emotion.

' Well, yes, Romeo is misguided – he serves as a model for youth to Shakespeare, I believe – young people are said to make hasty decisions on love mostly based through compliance between suitors and so-called lovers. Older people are esteemed more practical in loving in the sense they don't only go because their person of choice has complied with them but because they would like to see in themselves and their lovers the true essence of love. I believe the suicide of Romeo, as any suicide, is hasty and selfish showing the illogical component staying within wild youths in belief that all is lost when a loved one dies, this is what Shakespeare believes I presume and I believe it too because as Romeo opted to kill himself Juliet too kills herself – though Juliet too is a wild youth – I believe Romeo should have waited then he could have been reunited with Juliet. Their love in itself was a hasty process, "A fool's rush in" kind of love so it became empty and discordant of happiness at the end and death was all that was left.'

' Yeah that's exactly how I see it…' Mariah commented, ' And you said you didn't know if Romeo was misguided.'

' I did.' I look at her humbly, a dumbfounded expression within me.

' Yes, you did…you said "I don't know" when I asked you if Romeo was misguided…' Mariah explained softly then looked in the manner, ' Are you alright Hil?'

' No, I believe I'm stressed…' I reply to her honestly.

' It's about Brooklyn…' she looked softly, ' You don't believe, you love him, do you Hiromi?'

I gave a panicked look; how could I be so easily exposed? She looked concerned at my panicky stare so I averted my gaze to my hands which were folded. My eyes looked as if I was in a stupor. The silence spoke uncomfortable syllables and Mariah looked on, not fiercely in nature but it felt fierce allegorically, I guess I had to answer her, ' Mariah, yes, I think I love him. I'm not sure. Not positive if I love him. But, it's bothering me. I haven't thought of this for a while and so it has cornered me. I don't know if I know what to do exactly.'

She touched my shoulder, ' But, you have nothing to fear he's a Romeo for you I believe 'cause you told me he gave signs of liking you…' she winked energetically, yet I felt no sum of that energy.

' Romeo was misguided Mariah.' I say it silently because I think this whole affair of dreamy love was illusion in itself.

' Ok, Ok, wrong choice of words.' Mariah stumbles to gain some new advice seeing how the previous comment saddened me, ' You surely know how to be blue for no reason. Girl, look at me. I don't easily tense myself even when Rei acts like a jackass and might never tell me he likes me, which I know because he likes me as much as I like him, well, we do have an invisible romantic love between us and truthfully I get upset. Now, Hilary let God write the fates, ok, you needn't be worried about Brooklyn's attraction for you or vice versa because I believe it'll turn out ok. Even if the feelings you have go away you will still be friends. Though it sounds sad I think I'd love to have Rei **in** my life then **not **having him because we had a quarrel of feelings fading away. So be patience and let God write the fates.'

' Maybe…you…I mean I guess you are right…' I contemplated and realized the strenuous burden I put on myself. Not a good idea.

' **HEY** **GIRLS!**' a burst of energy and volume came into the room with loads of shopping bags. MingMing seemed extremely ecstatic; too bad we had more negative reactions. Mariah shrieked and I just seem to be dazed, more like transfixed.

' AH! Uh! What the hell is your problem MingMing!' a heated Mariah inquired a nonchalant and unfazed MingMing.

' I can ask you the same thing Kitty…' MingMing's eyes look unfocused and unperturbed and Mariah's boiling blood didn't get cooler, MingMing looked at me, ' Hey Hil guess what Tyson, Kenny, Daichi and this young yet extremely handsome guy are all having a beybattle! It's pretty wicked as the battle is intense! Let's go and beybattle with them!' she was practically bouncing.

' **KITTY** **SAYS NO!**' Mariah grabbed MingMing's arm forcefully and yanked her hard, ' **We** **are** **doing an important Shakespeare assignment while you are going around shopping!** **Now, you are telling us to beybattle! Geez no wonder you flunk so badly!**'

' **Hey** **at least I have a boyfriend nerditty!**' MingMing retorted created a neologism which is, as expected, unknown.

' **Really, oh I'm so J-E-A-L-O-U-S! I mean don't you fuck one each day! What the hell is "nerditty" anyway?**' Mariah was in her feline anger and both were voracious as wild cats with talons readying to strike.

' **Oh** **it's a combination of nerd and kitty! Suits you right! You are an unattractive, virginal, ice queen who can't score with anyone!**' MingMing's insult really knew how to break the "ice queen" she claimed Mariah to be.

' **Well** **at least I ain't a homely looking prostitute who fucks around to get attention**!' Mariah grew bestial and MingMing was occupied in the same emotion. I better stop this before it gets out of hand.

' **Who** **are you calling prostitute you loser! At least I got a man! You can't even tell Rei you like him! I bet I could fuck him and** –' MingMing couldn't finish her statement and I couldn't stop the action.

_**SLAP!**_

Hard and burning: MingMing clutched her hot left cheek. Her head askew and her eyes stunned. Mariah just slapped her.

' Don't you dare…' Mariah was breathing hard, ' Don't you dare condescend my feelings for Rei! What do you know! You only live to have sex! What would you know…? You know nothing: nothing…' Mariah eyes were truly narrowed but more for sadness then rage; I believe she was about to cry, be swept away by tears and frustration.

MingMing just crossed the line.

' **STOP** **IT!**' I screamed; I was now angry, ' **STOP** **THIS BULLSHIT! YOU BOTH ARE BITCHES!**'

MingMing and Mariah both turned; unlike other people I swear very minutely. Unless I am truly volatile I do not like to repeatedly use obscenities.

' Well…I guess I am a prostitute…I'm gonna leave…' MingMing slowly walked away out of the room and I heard the main door open signaling her retreat to somewhere safer. This surely wasn't great.

Mariah just stood. She didn't tell MingMing to stop. This got me vexed.

' Well, we can start studying again…we can just go through the characters again…' Mariah mumbled but she seemed too relaxed. I got infuriated.

' Mariah! What the hell was it that made you slap her!' I got extremely volcanic. My eyes personified to destruction and disease. I couldn't put out anger that was reasonable. This was needed.

' She shouldn't have spoken about Rei and me! It's personal!' she explained but her logic was weak.

' Oh!' I became sarcastic, ' So I just imagined that you calling her a homely prostitute isn't personal! I know you are bothered by MingMing's somewhat promiscuous nature but she isn't a slut! She doesn't sleep with every guy she meets! Though it is wrong that she gambled on her virginity you became less dignified by attacking her like that! You know I'm leaving! I believe I would like to beybattle!'

' Fine, go on ahead!' Mariah screamed as I closed the door.

After a while as I stood outside. I heard her sobs. I knew she felt guilty yet I couldn't comfort her. MingMing and she must reconcile.

…

…

…

…

' I know I'm a whore 'cause I sleep around…but I do regret it you know…it really isn't all that great being non-virgin. People find a way to hurt you.' She sobbed slight, MingMing usually never cried. She wasn't apathetic, she was strong and so was Mariah. Strong people, basically everyone cries and there is no shame for the liquids that show you are human.

' You're not a whore…' I soothingly say, ' Mariah was upset. She cares about you and thinks you don't take life seriously. She's afraid you'll lose yourself in all the negative sex that you engage in…' I gaze at her with a doctrine playing in my observing manner, ' I agree with her…' I say it with soft and gentle enunciation.

She inhales and a few seconds the only communication is between ourselves, internally, as we breathe. There is a lesser tension in the layer of air that circulates around us.

' I went overboard saying I'd screw Rei, I know how Mariah feels for him and – I know I said it all wrong…I don't know how to apologize to her…' MingMing is with soft reflections and I decide to converse her more.

' Mariah was wrong too and so you both should apologize…' I know this was the correct perceptive to the whole situation.

She breathed a bit heavily, wearied possibly and to be honest to myself I admitted my inner fatigue. ' Yes, I'm tired as well.'

The comment didn't twist any emotion or call any chance for a more permeating effect and so we sat still as the silent audience. The boys mentioned from earlier were continuing their beybattle and did not really notice us. Tyson did well with Daichi – in fact, Daichi was giving Tyson a good challenge. The fourteen year old possessed a similar bitbeast to Tyson's called Strata Dragoon – Dragoon's similarity was too was somewhat uncanny. Tyson was at first perplexed at the possession of such a bitbeast and the fact that the element it mastered was different to his own. He was surprised seeing that the young boy was apt with his bitbeast and Tyson had at times unleashed a signature wind move; mostly Phantom Hurricane.

I was truly impressed by the battle – Daichi used a move which allowed his blade to move vertically and launch itself as a chainsaw. Tyson seemed impressed but unprepared for such an attack. He gave a bit of an uneasy expression and Daichi smirked as if victory was close. Could Tyson be beaten by this young blader? – Dash, Tyson enjoyed the uneasiness it seemed. To see a blader launch a unique attack gratified him and so with the speed of his blade increased by a torrent of wind, he evaded and then opened a short execution called Storm attack. It was a miniature wind move but as Daichi swerved to the side it caught his blade and it lost the momentum of the fiery saw and dropped back to its original pace. Daichi maneuvered greatly after this lost effort yet he undermined Tyson's miniature attack as Tyson increased the level of air power it propelled the weary blade to be hurled out of the dish. It seemed though the attack was not so powerful Tyson mimicked the element of surprise he experienced from Daichi and hauled another victory. Daichi seemed depressed as he was sure victory would come to him but Tyson went and patted his shoulder commenting that it was an awesome challenge. It was most definitely the truth.

' So you beyblade right? Kenny just told me.' The voice shook both me and MingMing out of our reveries. There stood a young, handsome, grey-cerulean layered hair boy who questioned with his eyes and expression. It was Kai Hiwatari.

' Hey Hilary this one's the handsome one!' MingMing yelled. Both Kai and I blushed at her enthusiasm, ' You see he may be young yet his only two years younger than me and so exquisite!' she winked flirtatiously and I knew she was just playing a game to soothe her wounds. She knew it to be blatantly coquettish but the words Mariah told must be forgotten, ' I bet you got a girlfriend cheering for you here…'

' No, actually,' Kai's signature stoicism vanished at MingMing's unhindered remarks and he tried to maintain equanimity, ' No.' firmly spoken.

' Too bad, I got a boyfriend – his name's Garland.' She spoke seductively but then her attentions piqued towards me and her bouncy attitude alarmed me, ' This is Hilary, actually Hiromi Tatibana, she's my best friend and she's single like you!' she announced and I pouted in vexation and blushed at her revelation.

' As you said,' he turned towards me, ' Too bad, I guess.' He smiled and everything was visceral in nature. Due to certain shivers I absently detected by chance on his body, I believe he was acting chivalrous. Was Nelly Futardo and her _Promiscuous_ lyrics wrong then? Hey…why would I think of _that s_exy song now!

' Yeah, well anyways,' MingMing voiced her statements, ' Are you referring to me or her,' she pointed at me, ' We both beyblade you know.'

' Really, well I was talking about you, MingMing right? Kenny told me you blade so I want to challenge you as Kenny's blade, Hopper, seems to have gotten busted. Though…' he finished with MingMing after a slight confusion on the fact that I bladed, ' I would like to see you blade. Maybe, later…' he softly said it, almost unsurely, as if he didn't know what else to say.

' Sure.' I realized I was a bit unsure as well. This was an awkward meeting though we had met before.

' Alright! 'Cause I'm gonna beat you!' MingMing chirped with her confidence. I just crossed my arms and stared at her twirling body movements. She was a bit too over-confident. Not a good mood to carry to battle.

' We'll see,' Kai smirked, both at MingMing and me, yes, to me, as if to assure me of his victory, ' Won't we.'

They readied their blades – Tyson and Daichi had come across to see the battle. Kenny arrived as well to see his crush battle, abandoning all the worked on Hopper. I smiled at him and playfully tugged his sleeve and winked at him due to his everlasting gaze on MingMing. He blushed profusely.

' That broad looks annoying,' Daichi remarked cynically and I eyed him with incitement, ' The lip-gloss she wears is too glittery. I hope she blades decent enough. Though by her stardom appearance I guess she is an amateur.'

' No, she is not!' Kenny snapped before I protected my friend from Daichi's ignorant analysis, ' Don't forget she beat you once! You can't hide the fact that she won over you and so just shut up!'

' Kid,' I started slowly with seriousness, ' Don't be a pompous git and forget to respect others.'

' Ok, Ok, I know I'm being crude, but, this is Kai Hiwatari she's fighting and I believe she has already lost.' Daichi spoke distantly without any emotion except irritation, he looked at me suddenly, ' Don't you think you're too cute to lecture me as Grandma.' He was being flirtatious!

' Don't you think you're a little pest to think I won't protect my friend! Beat it kid! Go flirt with someone on your level!' I was vexed at his behavior but his answer was a bit unexpected I believe.

' Ok, cutie, I'm sorry, maybe, you'd like to date me someday.' He seemed ecstatic at the thought. I looked wearily at his impudence but commented nothing.

' Daichi, it's bad to underestimate people and MingMing is a fierce blader I think she will win.' Tyson looked at him and then to me, ' Don't you agree Hil?'

' Yeah I do.' I smiled at him and saw Daichi frown and overtly snort at Tyson. He wasn't jealous was he? Uh, this is a strange situation.

' Who will you cheer for then?' Tyson inquired and I looked dazed at the question. It was a good one.

' As you told me not to underestimate people,' I smile at him and reply, ' I'll cheer for them both. I know MingMing is awesome but I heard Kai is excellent as well! This battle is gonna be good!'

' Yeah, it sure will…' Kenny commented but he was distant.

The battle started and Kai immediately went on the offensive. Tyson, Kenny and Daichi gave a sort of look defining confusion. This indicated that Kai usually did not charge with such an attack. MingMing notably in confusion as well declared my presumption as fact. Truth, be told, the slight smile that was forming on both MingMing's and Kai's face showed one thing: one must manipulate the element of surprise to extend the pitch of battle frenzy. MingMing's blade was slammed hard at the offensive language Kai's blade was speaking. Battle Royale was the game and Kai did it exquisitely…I commend his workmanship – it's truly ethereal. MingMing's blade was buried at the offensive attacks and she sweated slightly at the pressure of simultaneous blows that could tarnish her blade. Kai paused, only for a moment, but then, the ram of fiery rush slammed MingMing's blade right out of the dish.

' See,' cocky Daichi got on my nerves, ' I told you so.' That annoying phrase became the truth. MingMing and her battle was heading to failure…or…was it?

' Daichi, shut up.' An experience voice rang through Tyson's throat and our interests piqued, he seemed quite confident and alert, ' Don't underestimate your opponents! MingMing is still in the game! Kai you should put out your other tactics!' his hands flung out furiously as he developed a seasoned form. A Beyblading champion through and through, this was Tyson Kinomiya.

' I knew it,' Kai closed his eyes at an increased gratification, ' You are not a weak blader and so you calmed yourself even at such an overwhelming turn of events,' he opened his eyes and solemnly spoke to his opponent, ' I applaud you Miss MingMing.'

' Yeah go MingMing!' Kenny couldn't restrain his enthusiasm and neither could I as I saw MingMing's blade hovering high above the dish using a defense mechanism called "Venus Flight." The blade hadn't stopped its rotation, so, she was still in the game.

MingMing smiled, ' You love to tease your opponents don't you, you sweet lad,' MingMing's seductive nature forced to her blade it seemed as the blade hovered rather to a musical aura that she exuded, ' Well, now I'll tease you back go Venus! Kiss!'

The attack was an offensive attack entitled "Venus Kiss" – it swerved musical aura and the power of seduction from the blade's master and enforced it as battle energy drowning the blade in a spellbound, suspended situation and expelled high velocity attacks with immense precision. A deadly attack that was surely fatigue the blade's defenses and power and MingMing doesn't use it often seeing its large power level. It reserved for opponents of suggested superior class.

The Kiss caused Kai's Dranzer blade problems as its rotations decreased and it was hit with the sharp attacks rewarding it with body damage. Kai "hmphed" to the utter realization that he was being overwhelmed by the Kiss MingMing had spawned. Body Damage to his blade increased as precise sharp blows landed on his Dranzer and the rotation was almost drained to weak knobbles. Kai's situation was severe as the spawned, deadly kiss was the rewarding poison to his flame. Dranzer limped in rotation as the last sharp blow increased further damage and then MingMing's blade returned to normal rotation. Still, she increased speed to give powerful blows at a pace to weaken the blade permanently. This strategy was slightly foreign to her as Kai blade's physical body was incredibly strong as the deadly kiss was impressively resisted. Kai possessed both will and raw power and so this battle was astounding.

' Wow.' Daichi muttered at the whole stratagem mustered by MingMing, ' No wonder she beat me! She's amazing!'

' Don't forgot it kid.' I feigned admonition as I continued to observe the battle. Kai had something planned as well.

' You are really incredible,' Kai now was hastening to his strategy as he too a serious stance, ' I should now prove my worth to you as you have done for me! Dranzer Flame Rush, pick up the pace do "Flame Duality"!'

Soon Kai's rotation increased and the knobbles were vanquished to a powerful fire defense sheen growing from his blade. MingMing's battle blows reflected and MingMing readied to the fact that the battle will now be prolonged. Soon a fire blaze came and attacked Venus from every corner and MingMing's blade took heavy Body damage. It was falling, its power lost in the scorching fire.

' Venus do "Venus Armor"!' MingMing went to another defensive pattern and now her blade slowed in rotation but covered itself with a powerful aura that would serve as a shield against the flame. It worked but not to perfection as Duality was repeatedly giving scorching scars to the blade but the body damage was decreased and the precision of the blows was minimized.

' You're an intellect and I praise you and your battle devices!' Kai commented and MingMing smiled at the appreciation, ' Though, I still have some devices under wraps as well!' Kai summoned a new technique and MingMing grew flabbergasted but managed to keep the fires of adrenalin from wearing out, her expression showed her lust to be at her best ' Go "Flame Trinity"!'

The duality doubled and the Armor shattered at its intensity. MingMing increased her blades rotation and swerved quite fascinatingly through the dish to weary her opponents attacks. However, the blade damage wounded her speed slightly but her fervor didn't get so easily damaged. She pulled at her controls and the blade's dodgy technique was powerful as all attacks could not permeate her with ease. Still, the intensity was magnificent in Kai's blade as he managed to keep track of her movements and soon began plummeted MingMing's blade with great volatility. MingMing could not flee with ease and soon Kai saw her blade plummet from power – one flame razor slap's earned him the win and Venus got permanently out of the dish.

' Oh man! I was sure MingMing would win! Her strategy was awesome!' Daichi was now, as it is hard to believe, sullen due to MingMing's defeat. He seemed quite upset by her loss from victory.

I believe Kai deserved the win and Tyson's smile assured me his acceptance of it. Kenny, however, was in a pale cloud. His crush losing wasn't really something he enjoyed but I believe both of them deserved applaud.

' **That** **was one of the most awesome beybattles I've ever seen!**' I yelled and I clapped my hands, the others broke out of their reveries and joined me.

MingMing inspected her blade as the body damage was somewhat noticeable and so, I believe, she mentally registered the need for its repair. Kai's blade too could require tuning and Kenny rushed forward, seized it, assuring him of his immediate tending to "recovery".

' You know your kiss attack was severe. I couldn't do my other heavier attacks due to the loss of momentum it gave me.' Kai praised MingMing with a solemn voice…it was very sexy – wait, a minute, did I say _sexy_? _Seriously_ did I?

' Well your attacks were awesome! So is your blade! No one has survived the Kiss and truthfully it overwhelms my own blade because it packs a lot of raw power.' MingMing's flirty explanation turned my eyes to the reality of everything around me, ' Believe me, it took time to experiment with that technique.' She spoke with an experienced tone of the pressures it must have exerted to develop the attack.

' Yeah, I know how it feels.' Kai answered as he suddenly looked to me. He wanted to say something but Tyson unknowingly interrupted.

' Well, now as I know your power, I believe we should blade.' He told MingMing and she grew excited, ' I hope I get an "yes".'

' Yeah sure!' MingMing bounced with joy, ' To battle with you would be a privilege! You have to know that I'm one of your biggest fans Tyson Kinomiya!' she was truly exuberant of the fact.

' Hey I know you beat me once but I think I'll get stronger and then ask you for a rematch!' Daichi popped up a finger and soon illuminated a very confident look. He was pretty exulted by the thought of the battle he'd foreseen they would have in future.

' Yeah, ok, sure, little man.' MingMing winked and in response Daichi blushed with strawberry scarlet influence.

Kenny, on the other hand, was silent. He seemed distorted and looked rather awfully dulled. It seemed MingMing's presence to his friends did strike him a certain amount of nervousness, or was it envy?

' So, you do beyblade right?' I looked at Kai, he looked relieved, possibly this is what he wanted to tell him before. ' Maybe, we'll meet each other and beybattle later? If…if…it's ok with you…' he seemed unsure and I breathed slowly. His question caught a very vague atmosphere of something.

' Yeah sure.' I say it candidly and smile at him. He seems confused and nervous and looks towards his friends as if to hide his face.

' Hey Kai! It's getting late! It's past sunset! Let's go home! Bye everyone, see you guys!' Tyson rushed off and Kai looked weary of his speed. He didn't like to run now as the battle was tiring in itself.

' Well…I guess…this is goodbye for now, we'll meet each other at school…' Kai was saying the farewell politely but the suggestion at the end portrayed the fact he wanted to be friends with me. I did not mind as I had the same intent.

' Sure, we can meet each other at school.' I smile and he flushes in a sense of confusion. I wonder why though?

' Uh, bye then…' he runs off and waves to me as he shouts for Tyson to slow down.

' Well see you cuties later!' Daichi runs off along with the two boys but…Kenny? I see him walking of in another direction with a gloomy expression. Obviously, he wasn't too keen on MingMing not talking with him.

' You know Rei was s'pposed to be here,' I realized and I inquire MingMing, ' Do you know why he didn't come?'

' Oh, yeah, I met him at a store today. He was buying something for a friend called Max – who I never heard of – saying that he is a kid who lives in America. You know I think Kenny might know seeing that Rei told me that he is a beyblader. I should've ask him seeing that he was here.' MingMing explained.

So, she did notice him, Kenny will be pleased when I tell him this, ' So, I hope you and Mariah become friends again…'

' She has to apologize first 'cause she started. I maybe a wretch but I didn't insult her.' MingMing looked annoyed and hurt. I commented on nothing but then MingMing spoke as we walked on towards our homes, ' You know, today at the store there was a weird green haired boy stalking me! Can you believe that? Suddenly he came out and asked me…if I know you?' she stopped as she remembered the awkward experience.

' What?' I looked at her bemused, ' Are you sure he asked for me. You're sure?'

' Yeah Hilary, he asked me If I knew a Hiromi Tatibana, also known as Hilary Tatibana. I asked him how he was related to you and he ran off, pretty weird.' She assured me as we started walking again.

' That's bizarre.' I commented ignorantly. My mind wasn't numb…a green haired boy, unknown to MingMing…could it be…?

' Hey, I'm home.' MingMing's grand house came forward. ' See you Hil!' she winked as she stepped inside.

' Bye MingMing!' I waved at her and began walking once more.

My mind wasn't numb. A weird green haired boy…? Aside from Kevin, who MingMing knew…who else could it be…? I almost recalled a name…but it was lost to me now…? What intention was it for this guy to ask for me…? Some aura of it made me feel uncomfortable.

' If I remember you live across the street…' a voice roamed into my mind from the outside world.

I turned and saw him.

It was Tala Ivanov. Smiling at me as usual, ' Hey, what's up?' I smiled at him.

' What's up with you girl?' he teased me playfully, ' You are going into the wrong street.' He pointed and I realized he was right.

' Oh! Uh…' I grew pretty confused and I laughed at my absent-mindlessness, ' I…my mind…was somewhere else…'

' Well, it doesn't matter where it was…you looked beautiful as usual.' He braved the comment. I didn't know what to do so I blushed.

' Hey, how do you know where I live?' the question came out before I could stop it – this is kinda crude.

' Well, I shop at the grocery store nearby and live around here. So, I saw you one day walking homewards from a distance.' He explained with a smile, suddenly he grew nervous, ' Wait! Don't think I follow you around!'

His hands were flinging around wildly and I giggled, ' No, I know that. It's ok, I'm sorry I'm a bit jumpy. Don't mind me.'

' Are you ok?' He came close. Too close. I felt his trained, hard body press against mine. If electric shots could be calculated I believe I reached a million in a second…an attractive guy was pressing against me so I blushed enormously.

' Yeah, I'm…ok…don't worry…' I blushed as I nervously replied. He realized our proximity so he too blushed and withdrew.

' Well,' he ruffled his crimson, fiery strands – reminiscent of the flame in Dranzer's element, ' Let me walk me home.'

He grabbed my hand and took me to my home.

His braveness made me blush.

Does Tala do this with every girl?

Or, is it just me…?


	12. Hate You Maybe

**Disclaimer:** (Groggily) I hate that doctor, why doesn't he believe I own Beyblade (Doctor angrily) Yeah right, in your dreams (hits the author's head with a mallet)

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry for this EXTREMELY LATE UPDATE but I was busy with my examinations. Thanks to all who reviewed! Especially Nadia, my immigrated friend, who has reviewed me from Canada! I love you Nadia! Ok on with the story!

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**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XII  
Hate you Maybe**

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Sighing I laid down. It wasn't good to move. I don't think I need to move, I, am exasperated. Possibly, it was funny meeting him again. After so long I guess it gets cold. To be distant from him hadn't affected me. To be honest, I don't ever think I ever fully got affected by anything. It was just me. Then again, when I was smiling at him I was affected. I was fearful to be near him. That wasn't a good thing. I don't know what sort of _thing _it was. It was awkward and bizarre. To be in front of him again – again; I guess I was dumbstruck and really uncomfortable. Instead, outside, I looked more mean: more sinister – it clawed out the irregularities of emotions. 

' What is it you want?' he was dumbstruck too, his eyes a bit wider; his lips a bit nervous, quivering; his focus a bit out of focus. Not like him. I liked this tensed, faulty, out-of-fashion him. It made me fiercer.

' Geez, you met me after a long time. Do you have to be rude? Where are the pleasantries; the acknowledgments, the non-superficial chit-chat? C'mon, hug me, do something. Don't just stand there!' I started teasingly, sinisterly, actually, it wasn't really sinister – mischievous, yes; I don't know why. I just sort of fashioned this style of confrontation. It wasn't really a confrontation, but, I guess to some extent it was.

He looked a bit suddenly distraught. He looked away. I released a breath. He clenched his fists. I grew nervous. Was he intending to punch me? To hurt me, do I deserve it? Do I?

' I'm sorry.' He produces some gift, extraordinary – why was he apologizing? It shouldn't be, can't be – I, I am useless. He can be rude but apologetic? Does he need to? He is not looking at me but then he does. Not warmly, not coldly, but candidly – as if a certain formal way. A gentleman- to-gentleman exchange; Please – I am a pauper who was following him around. ' I think I should ask you how are you doing. But, I guess, it's hard to say it to someone who is spying on you.' It's no mock-remark. No sarcasm. Plainly said as plain reason, he's so precise it scares me.

' I'm sorry.' I look at him, all the attitude gone, just a weak appearance. No weakness in my words. They were just and reasonable. Only I can't say them with valor and wit. I'm not like him. I envy his genius in equanimity.

' So, I guess I can ask you how are you doing? Why are you in Japan? Are you okay, or, are you in trouble?' he spoke very nicely. Elevated from being fifteen to thirty-five; how does he do it?

I was mesmerized by it, ' Uh, ' I started with dumbness and numbness, ' Why are you asking me all of this?' I am really wrecked.

He closed his eyes. He was thinking, then, ' You told me to be proper remember. I'm sorry but why were you spying on me Zeo?' He was thinking on how to approach, ' You are not happy seeing me are you Zeo Hiwatari? Or you are nervous at what I'm thinking? I don't know but, how is your father Zagarth Hiwatari?'

He read me. I don't know if I should hate it.

' My dad is fine. Sick a bit.' I don't say it right; actually, I can't say it right. I don't stress on the fact that he has been on a coma…for two years. Though he talks to me subconsciously, he is in a comatose state. His telepathic powers (suddenly originated) sometimes enables him to communicate with me.

' Oh.' He pours it out rather sophisticatedly. Kai sure knows how to envelope maturity very well. ' Zeo, What are you doing here: Where you spying on me or Hilary?'

He never leaves anything unchecked. It was a gift of observation, truly – I don't know how to manage it.

' Uh, both of you I guess.' I whimper inwardly, I sound so pathetic. I guess I don't know what to do about it. I sound weird and disoriented.

' How is it you know Hilary?' He doesn't notice my tone but he becomes serious. He yearns to know, to inquire about – suddenly I grow into a control.

' I've known Hilary for a while, I mean _Hiromi_.' Suddenly I'm brave again, ' Though we are just acquaintances actually. I met her once. She's cute, confident and definitely a good blader. I guess I am a fan.'

' Can't you be someone else's fan?' The equanimity somehow fluctuates or does it strengthen. However, I know it was no longer balanced. His serious looks catapult to a narrower countenance; something unexpected.

' Why can't I be her fan?' it was a simple question, ' You don't think I'll do anything to her do you?!' it was a bit of a shriek, positively, annoyed – c'mon I'm not a rapist. I'm not human to be one I s'ppose.

' No, forget it,' he somewhat hastily says it – so out-of-Kai expression, ' It's just, you can't Zeo – you – '

' I can't what?' I was a bit tensed. What does he mean?

' Uh, I was about to finish.' He looked a bit annoyed but his voice was pleasant, ' I meant you can't go around spying on girls Zeo – especially girls, they'll think you are a perverted stalker of sorts if they find you.'

' If,' I blush as I stress it with a capable tongue, God, this was a loser-statement, ' There are many "ifs" to many possibilities. There can be a impossibility they won't notice me at all.'

' Aren't you optimistic.' Kai became sarcastic: a typical trait in the house of Kai.

' C'mon Hilary knows me!' I reasoned, it did have some prominence, ' I'm not doing it to someone I don't know!'

' Either way,' he starts with a disciplinary tone, ' It's rude and **wrong**.' Two months older than me and so he can croak. Actually, he is six years older than me if the records are true. I'm still fifteen as he is though, how ironic.

' Whatever.' It was immaturely said. Dull and ignorantly balance,. I know I was wrong. I kinda hated being wrong with him right now. So, I pulled out the stubborn card. It was very idiotic but normal I guess with the stereotypes of "I am just about right with everything."

He looked away, ' Listen, I have to leave soon – class has already started. Is there anything you need help with Zeo?'

' Yeah – I –' I stammered, I whispered, ' Kai,' it was very implausibly said, ' I need your Black Dranzer.'

' What?' he looked confused, ' Zeo, what are you saying-'

I interrupted, I know he hadn't heard me, ' Kai, I want Black Dranzer!'

' Yes, I heard it!' Ok, so I was wrong – he was so very concerned, ' What do you meant give _it_ to you?! I don't have it!' His voice sort-of-echoed around; the school grounds were empty.

' Kai,' now I am all darkly chivalrous and coolly calm, ' Don't lie. You know something, If I can't destroy Black Dranzer I'll die.'

' Wh-at?' he was so stunned. It bore on his face. It looked sharp as drawn lines emphasizing something. A creative mechanism.

I had to turn away, this was painful to me, ' Kai, I can't explain it right now. If I can't destroy that thing, I'll die. You know it'll be my second death.' That was why there was that stern agony. To die twice, geez, it was fucked up.

' To die again.' He whispered it, ' I guess _I died_ a lot of times as well. In the abbey…'

' Well, it was _literally_,' I stress my frustration, ' I can't have that disappointment.' I clenched my fists, ' All over again…'

' You can _die_ many times without leaving your flesh – Van Wilder was so right.' He jokingly spoke the last part. The first half was the truth. I was too tensed so I slashed it off as "philosophical thinking of the stoic mind" Though I have faced the same syndrome many times before.

' Stop this spiritual, nonsensical bullshit and give it to me Kai!' I demanded. With every muscle in my body tightened and tensed.

Uh, he gave it to me alright. SLAP – a trademark bitch-slap.

' What the fuck?!' I cursed, the left side of my face felt acidic stings due to his hand. ' Kai?!' in his name I demanded an explanation.

' You didn't say pretty-fuckin'-please.' Wow, he swore, it sounded cool with his tongue but my mean face didn't dissipate. He looked more compassionate now and helped me up for the sudden slap got me crouched. It had force, but a calm one was in his voice, ' Listen, I care about you Zeo. I know I haven't contacted you in a long while but you know how reclusive I am but still, I want an explanation! What do you mean you are going to die if you can't destroy Black Dranzer?!'

' You know what, I'm tired to give _you_ explanations!' I screamed at him, ' You know what I fuckin' been through! I'm not even speaking to my father! I came to Japan to sort it out myself! It was hard but I did have to do it!' I recalled how angry I was with my father two years ago. Even before he was in a coma due to that accident I stopped talking to you. Even when he first contacted me subconsciously I only said ' I hate you.'

' Calm down.' I'm such a nervous wreck and he is calm, complex and never an easy target for the weird feelings, or is he? Sometimes I believe he is like me – ' Zeo, we are in a school ground. People will notice if you scream. Besides, I'm telling the truth, Black Dranzer isn't with me he is destroyed and out of the way as he should be.'

' No he ain't! I need to destroy it before it destroys me!' I shrieked; I was tensed.

He now seemed with a mixture of steaming shock and concern, ' You aren't kidding. That monstrosity is still – around…' equanimity has fazed out. Kai was worried and I could see sweat. Oh dear…

' Well,' I didn't want to give explanations, I became shall I say fleeting, ' See you around!'

But before I could pull it off he caught me – so much for immediate fleeting, ' Zeo, Black Dranzer is alive and you have to kill it to stay alive! I'm not getting this shit! Explain!' he was so consumed by seriousness I bet he'll grow wrinkles or pimples or whatever…

' Hey these are school grounds remember…' I defensively try to get his hand off my shoulder and sheepishly sprout a smile, ' Anyhow aren't you s'pposed to get back to class…I…um…you know…'

' Zeo…' it was this warning; a very deadly caveat. He hated being left locked in the closet in these matters. I know, who wouldn't…?

' Mr. Hiwatari – ' a teacher, wadya know saved by the bell of the high school hell, ' Mr. Hiwatari this is so unlike you – skipping class! I might have to give a detention! – uh, hey who are you?!' he notified with a pointed finger as me as he approached us.

' Well, I'm with him…' I released my shoulder and ran fast and jump on the school wall that divides it from the street, ' See you Kai!' I signify him with a hand, ' When I know more about Black Dranzer I'll come to you!'

' Zeo!' I heard him call, ' Get back here! Zeo!'

After that I had arrived to the hotel I was staying. It is grandeur and luxurious – feels like home. That's why I hate it. I recall my father's honesty and I recollect my anger. I hated him for his selfish prognosis of wishes. I feared meeting Kai because he knew my truth and also this was the first time we met where I knew my truth as well. I wanted to know if he would tease me of it, say something of it or remark about it. Yet, as usual, he did nothing. I wished he would have done something. I felt dull, withdrawn sans any confidence of truth. I am replicating human weakness. I am only but a freakish replica.

The moisture in my eyes assures me of internal storms ahead.

:  
:  
:

' So that's why you had that detention that day.' Tyson reminiscently told me with his arms around his head, his "lazy posture" one could say, ' The teacher thought you invited Zeo to school. Geez how convenient: that day you were so worried I knew something happened; presumed it was Tala.'

' Yeah well, Tala doesn't worry or irritate me.' I told him. Inside, there was guilt – it was cold and cruel. I wonder what Tala did in his free time.

' So, Mr. Dickenson wants to meet us immediately – good, no? We wanted to meet him too. Though,' he dropped the "lazy posture", got more etched with a concerned face, ' I don't think there will be good news I'm afraid. I have a feeling something has happened.' He shuddered.

He was right. I too shuddered.

' Ah boys, welcome, coffee?' Mr. Dickenson greeted us at his office. His usual pleasantries were somewhat stressed. Something has happened.

' Coffee will do! What about you Kai?' Tyson all cheery asked me.

' What has happened Mr. Dickenson?' I pounced at him literally, with my voice.

' That's not a drink.' Tyson grumbled.

' Yes, I'll tend them to send coffee over, lemon tea for me and aspirin for Kai…' yup, the way he said it something big has happened.

' Mr. Dickenson – what is goin' on!' Tyson now screamed and it got me alarmed.

' Here is a letter from one of my closest friends and colleagues. Her name is Judy Mizuhara; she wrote to me today and something catastrophic has happened!' Mr. Dickenson looked down, ' It is something to do with Black Dranzer.'

' Black Dranzer…' I mumbled and became mute. This was a panicky daydream right…?

' Hold on a second!' Tyson caught on, ' Wasn't that freak killed! Mr. Dickenson there's some major shit going down that you ain't telling us! You know Kai's step-cousin has arrived in Japan asking for the same thing!'

' Zeo…' he looked at Tyson and then at me, ' So Kai you told him everything, about time.'

' Give me the letter!' Tyson demanded, I was too frozen to do anything. Black phoenix from my nightmares…still alive… ' I'll read it out for us…' Tyson got me close seeing my unbalanced look, ' Whatever it is, we're in it together…' he whispered to me in his pleasant manner and started the letter:

' Mr. Dickenson,  
It is of urgency that I call upon you. Project 1502 a.k.a Black Dranzer has been stolen today by someone inside our institute. It is believed, however, that the Black Phoenix escaped. We are doing our investigation, yet we have reason the notorious Boris Valkov is not tied to this. However, we will still monitor him. Our sensory radars that allow Bitbeast spiritual aura traced for sometime that the phoenix has gone to Japan. However, it had evolved so much that after some faint signals that we with great effort translated to Japan as its destination it was able to cloak its signals. I have decided to come to Japan with my researchers and my team "The PPB ALL-STARZ". If Boris Valkov is not involved in this breach I'm sure he will try to regain the Black Dranzer bitbeast. It was his prototype for the "The Ultimate Bitbeast." And horrifically it has evolved into a capable monster. It doesn't seem like a prototype anymore. I request to immediately inform this to Ka Hiwatari and Tala Ivanov. Boris may as well have made a move. Please sir I hope you can cooperate with us as soon as possible.

Dr. Judy Mizuhara  
Head Of beyblade and Bitbeast research in America  
Vice President to BBA network in America.'

' So,' I whispered after some moments, ' _It _was still _alive_ and you _never_ told me…' it was such a protruding shock, like a bone out of a skeletal fragment jutting me in the ribs hardly.

' Kai…' Mr. Dickenson seemed worried. It was not my disappointment yet Tyson's glare that also contributed to the discomfort, ' You've been through a lot; I didn't want to worry you so –'

' SO! WORRY ME! YOU ARE SLEFISH!' I screamed as he jumped and Tyson looked awed, ' I'M INVOLVED IN THIS WHETHER YOU OR I LIKE IT OR NOT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE ALL THIS TIME WITH A DOCTOR! WHAT THE FUCK AM I S'PPOSED TO DO! I CAN'T – I CAN'T – CONTROL ANYTHING…I – I…' my outburst died down as I held my head with both my hands and collapsed on the floor.

' Easy bro – Easy bro, Easy…' Tyson held me but glared with vehemence at Mr. Dickenson, who out of shame, bowed his head, ' Why didn't you tell him?' Tyson questioned a bit angered towards the elder.

' I'm sorry…' it was melancholic, ' I saw him so happy with you and his new family…I didn't want to ruin it with the scars of his past…' he smiled weakly, ' I guess I made a mistake…I'm sorry boys, guess what I may be old but I'm human…' he shuddered with nervous tension. I saw it through the corner of my eye.

' I'm sorry.' I whispered, ' You, are always trying to help me but…I guess…it gets me down…I know I'm calm-headed but at times I believe that's a façade. I'm only fifteen, I don't know why my life always has been this difficult…but…I will always try to destroy it…' I smile at him, ' I'm going on with it. I'll be strong for me and for everyone else…'

' You know Kai, I know you pull through no matter the obstacles, you are more matured than me and Tyson in the run of endurance: you are also more experienced in knowing such incidents of wrong deeds pulling through but then being outdone by right.' He seemed to smile at me fiercely and then at Tyson, ' Don't you believe so, Tyson?'

' Yup!' he grinned, ' This pup over here,' he almost strangled me; ' Knows his stuff well; better than us. But he still needs us and we will pull try our hardest to be there for him too!'

I softly grinned, at him, and Mr. Dickenson, ' Thank-you.' It was the most truthful answer I think I gave.

' You're lucky to have them Kai. Such people, these people, of so much love, talented love, (you could say that), are always the hardest things to find.' The voice was known, I wasn't irked, and surprisingly I was moved to the sides of compassion.

' Hey, who are you?' Tyson asked, rather with a vague expression, ' You know your hair reminds me, not very well, but – I feel I met you somewhere…'

' Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet Tyson Kinomiya, seeing that volume really doesn't count getting your attention…I never imagined meeting you in a common way, or in common office…' Zeo spoke with his radiant confidence. The last comment got Mr. Dickenson to cough slightly. Yes "common office" indeed – Zeo can be so immature.

' Hey Kid, This ain't a common office.' Tyson reprimanded with the greatest retort, ' I still feel like I know you…uh…'

' Kai, it's nice to see you, how have you been?' he simply smiles and ignores Tyson's stern eye. I just sigh at such impulsive behaviors.

' I'm doing well.' I mutely with a very blank, unexcited voice, state this. Zeo looks displeased and annoyed. He starts to glare vehemently at my exceedingly sans interest attitude and I just smirked at that wound.

' Hey, you know this rude kid?' Tyson isn't sans truth either and Zeo now glares at him.

' Oh yes, Tyson this is my step-cousin Zeo Hiwatari.' I just point out in a calm way.

' Really, this is your step-cousin?' Tyson looked amazed now, then he grinned rather sheepishly, ' Well the resemblance is uncanny in behavior and first-meetings. Kai you were once rude and unappreciative as this kid was but that was ages ago.'

' Who are you to judge me!' he gave a menacing look at Tyson, one that was pretty toxic. Then he referred to me, though it was to Tyson he talked, ' Well Kai is s'pposed to six years older than actually.'

Given the circumstances he was correct. Tyson wanted to prove logical analysis.

' What?! You can't be nine years old! You look about Kai's age! And heck the way you are matured, what's with your family Kai, have you guys got a mature gene implanted or what?' Tyson looked more amazed and I started laughing much to everyone's surprise. Zeo soon became pretty angry.

' You idiot! I'm fifteen like he is!' Zeo barked out in frustration and anger.

Tyson cocked an amused brow, ' Well, excuse me for being the one stating that Mr. Kai Hiwatari is six years older than you.'

Zeo bowed his head, ' Kai is six years older than me. Though we are both fifteen he's six years older, though, I'm s'pposed to be the one six years older than him.' He expressed this with the most amount of subtle melancholic impression.

Mr. Dickenson became humble in expression and I was lost from the whole thing. I never did know what to say to him.

' First you say you are nine years old then you say you are twenty-one. Then you clarify that you are fifteen as Kai. I don't know if this is a game of trick mathematic 'cause either you are meaning something figuratively or you've lost it.' Tyson pushed himself forward towards a dazed Zeo and said his confusion in a very mild yet bemused way.

I wish I could explain that Zeo's trick-mathematics was not fiction but truth. The truth treads stranger than fiction.

' Well Tyson I'm so happy that you and Zeo are getting along. I told your grandfather that if Zeo could stay with you guys and he's complied after all it would be less expensive for Zeo seeing that he was living in a five star hotel despite his guardians' wishes.' Mr. Dickenson smiled and exploded a bomb of freaky consequences. It was still more welcomed than Zeo's identity theories. Mr. Dickenson obviously contradicted Tyson from being inquisitive.

' A five star hotel for our home.' Tyson started with a lazy tone, ' Geez that's a fair trade.' That was sure sarcastic.

' Guardians' wishes?' I was a bit confused, ' I know you have your guardians Zeo but why would they object when your father is around. I don't think your father would object seeing that you guys are filthy rich.' I kinda teased the last part out but seeing Zeo's face move aside with a stone face made me immediately suspicious. There was something Zeo hadn't told me.

' Zeo, haven't you told Kai when you met him that your father has been in coma for two years.' Mr. Dickenson produced the information with surprise. I guess both Tyson and I became shocked. ' Well, uh, ' Mr. Dickenson said it with a vibe of total apprehension and hesitation, ' I guess you haven't told them that your father, due to some impatient clients, has been sued and is in a temporary financial crisis. Good thing you have a vaccine for it.' He chucked weakly at produced us with these details. I was more shocked than ever.

' Sued?' it was really unbelievable. ' Why would your father get sued Zeo?'

' Due to the fact that Black Dranzer has escaped. He persuaded some enthusiastic wealthy associates to fund for the research. As it is now stolen or escaped, whatever, they feel it is was my father's fault for not telling them how volatile a bitbeast Black Dranzer is, if any damage occurs they might be held responsible. They at least want a refund so that they can arrange safeguarding themselves from such negative presumptions. But the fiscal loss is temporarily – my father has loads of cash and the bank is most willing to give it so it's no biggie.' Zeo explained in a monotone, disinterested fashion. I gave him a irked brow. So, Dr. Zagarth Hiwatari was helping Judy Mizuhara with the project, figures.

' You really are spoiled you know that kid!' Tyson suddenly barked, ' Your dad is in a coma and you just got sued, I can't believe that you are living in such an luxurious, expensive five star hotel! What are you heartless?!'

Tyson had a point, how could Zeo live so luxuriously when his father needed fiscal support. ' Zeo, if your father is in a coma, who is in charge aside the lawyers, I mean isn't it unnatural to sue someone who is in coma?' that was another important question.

' Well his company, AstroFlux, was given to Judy Mizuhara's care in her BBA district. The American branch was already using it for their experiments. The company got sued for the Black Dranzer incident.' Zeo nonchalantly dictated with a face of scrunched contempt. I wondered what his problem was.

' You are heartless you know that!' Whatcha know Tyson was still ticking, ' Your dad and his company are in terrible conditions and you seem to only care about yourself! You spoiled brat!'

' Well excuse me for getting your knickers in a knot Mr. Grand-champion sir but the fuck I do with my life is none of your business!' Zeo was enraged, hell, I didn't see him this angry before even with his short temper, ' Besides, I do want my dad to die! That dirty old bastard just cares about himself and what he wants and feels!' that was unexpected.

' That's enough from both of you!' Mr. Dickenson, panicky, intervened – ' Please Zeo, calm down…' he went near Zeo and put a hand on his shoulder, ' Please Tyson, leave him alone for now…'

' Well it's so like you Mr. D, to handle and be ok about everything, this kid is totally out of life, he doesn't care about anything other than himself.' Tyson gruffly commented. He did have a point, Zeo was acting callously and I think I knew why. I guess in these two years a lot has happened.

' Tyson, please.' Mr. Dickenson looked annoyed, ' Don't act like this and I hope you don't quarrel with him while he is at your home.' His voice was slightly raised.

' Yeah well I guess it will be a ball of a time living with the brat.' Tyson mumbled rather coarsely in frustration and Mr. Dickenson just sighed.

' You know I don't have to live with you jerk!' Zeo shook off Mr. Dickenson's hand and launched himself in front of Tyson, ' In fact I don't a five star hotel either! I can live on the streets and in the gutters Mr. Champion but I can take care of myself!'

' Calm down kid!' Tyson commanded, annoyed, ' We don't wanna have you pop a vein now, besides with your father in bad shape. We don't need you having your guardians worry now do we?' Tyson stared at him as Zeo glared uncontrollably.

This face-off needed to stop.

I touched Tyson's shoulder, he looked at me, ' Bro, leave him alone. Zeo, he has been through a lot. Don't judge him so badly.' I informed my brother as he calmed down.

Zeo on the other hand, ' I don't need your sympathy Kai! I can take this jerk on!'

' Kid,' Tyson started, ' I believe Kai when he says you aren't spoiled. I'm sorry if I had offended you but trying to act tough while your father is sick ain't appropriate behavior. Besides, I heard from Kai that your father was a nice guy, so why don't you just stop being so placid about the whole thing, ok.' Tyson actually smiled at him.

This made Zeo's glare disappear and altogether his rage on Tyson but as expected the full extent of his rage didn't just vanish, ' Nice guy,' he looked at me with irritation, ' Maybe to Kai but I hate him. I just hate him.' He slowly and vehemently whispered.

' Now that you all have **finally** calmed down I think you guys can live together in harmony.' Mr. Dickenson smiled while he was wiping his forehead with his handkerchief.

' We're sorry Mr. Dickenson.' Tyson apologized, ashamed of the ruckus.

' We are truly sorry Mr. Dickenson.' I apologized as well. I think I should have controlled both of them more than letting them go out with their outburst.

' Sorry.' Zeo whispered, he too looked ashamed and he was blushing momentarily. Sometimes he was so impulsive.

' It's ok boys.' The man smiled, ' I contributed to the sadness. I should have told all of you what was going on, actually you two.' He pointed to us, then he looked at Zeo, ' Zeo, don't worry the BBA will do everything in their power to destroy Black Dranzer as we can't have you perish. If what you say is true then you'll die if the phoenix is not dead?

' Yes.' Zeo whispered with a melancholic patience. Hearing it over and over wasn't helping him.

Tyson looked at me oddly, ' Hey Kai.' I know what was coming, ' You never told me anything about Zeo's critical problem: Why does he have to die if Black Dranzer isn't destroyed?!' yup, he was irked.

' Well, I thought that well…' I looked sheepishly at him, ' Truthfully, when Zeo told me I didn't believe it either. I don't know the reason why he has to die of Black Dranzer isn't killed so I decided to tell you when I knew the whole deal.' I told him with a serious expression.

' I don't make jokes about my own death.' Zeo looked sad. We all became quiet.

' Uh, Kai has a point Zeo. You didn't even tell me the reason.' Mr. Dickenson looked at him with a inquisitive face.

' I don't wanna talk about it right now.' He slowly and silently gave his ultimatum. We decided to adhere to it for now.

' Alright let's go home guys. I'm starved!' Tyson squealed in a cheery tone as I chuckled. He put his arm around Zeo, ' I guess you are hungry too because you put all your energy to quarrel with me! You're energetic kid but I think you should put that energy in blading.'

' Maybe then you'll finally be number two huh?' Zeo raised a brow teasingly.

' Maybe or maybe you wish.' Tyson teased Zeo and we all bid our goodbye to Mr. Dickenson.

* * *

' Well Zeo nice to have you here. Please have some of this chicken, I'm telling you it's great!' Grandpa surely was happy to have another person living with us. 

Tyson was eating like this starved lion who has just survived drought and I ate away peacefully. Zeo looked happy. I guess he did like eating with us rather than eating all by himself. He surely was a member of our family.

' Hey guys I'm finally home!' that was a voice I haven't heard in ages.

' Hiro!' Tyson screamed after finishing stuffing his face and Grandpa went and embraced him.

This wasn't good.

One look.

It was just one look.

From Zeo.

From Hitoshi.

Hiro dropped his bags in utter shock.

I knew this day would come.

It happened even before we knew it.

Zeo threw his fork exactly at Hiro's neck.

Akira Kinomiya yelled and Tyson spit out the food in his mouth. I looked dazed.

Hiro plucked out the knife, ' Why did you do that, Zeo?'

' Well,' Zeo got up, ' Because I hate you maybe - I'm glad you remember me you bastard! You helped my father create me! Like I was a little science project wasn't I!'

' What are you talking about!' Tyson got up and rushed towards Hiro. His wound wasn't deep or critical but he was bleeding.

' So, you never told anyone. I guess you wanted to forget!' Zeo suddenly smashed his plate and took a shard and deeply cut himself. This day was getting better and better.

After some shocked yells came silence. They were all gaping. I looked on helplessly and so did Hiro with utter desperation. There it was; Zeo's secret. He wasn't human – only architecture of its mimicry – Zagarth's creation after his real son died when he was six and I was just born – the electric circuits were exposed revealing the android within prosthetic skin.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well another chapter done! You know the hate issue of Zeo was inspired by _Full Metal Alchemist_, that's one of the milestones of anime! And the fork in the neck thing kinda inspired from a movie called _Being Cyrus,_ it's a cool Indian-English movie. Well Zeo cutting himself was reminiscent of _Terminator_, no, LOL. Well Please tell me what you think guys!

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	13. A Thought

**Disclaimer:** Yes! I'm finally free from the hospital! You are such big losers! I own Beyblade! Haha! (Doctor) Nurse! Nurse! She's getting away!

**Author's Note:** LUV YOU GUYS WHO REVIEWED!

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**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XIII  
A Thought**

* * *

He called me and I knew it was important. I mean we don't call each other all the time. We call each other when we want to have necessary things. Movie and sex…lunch and sex…dinner and sex…breakfast included with the latter; yet, this seemed, I don't know, different. What was different? After the "hey's" and the "so's" it seemed like there was no planning. It was a bit difficult I guess. I guessed, because, there was a pause. Brooklyn pauses. That is really unimaginable.

Afterwards I pause. And he was saying, "Kristen?" – Is it really heart-wrenching? No, just plain, I guess, surprise. I "hmm" and I act quite cordially. Give him a frequency kiss of phonic pressure that will carry through wavelengths. That is the "goodbye".

I turn on Clarity by John Mayer. Hypnotized by it I trace its lines; sing along as an absorbed child:

_I worry  
I weigh three times my body  
I worry  
I throw my fear around  
But this morning  
There's a calm I can't explain  
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain_

ooh ooh ooh ooh

By the time I recognize this moment  
This moment will be gone  
But I will bend the light pretending  
That it somehow lingered on  
Well all ive gots  
oooh oooh oooh oooh

And I will wait to find  
If this will last forever  
And I will wait to find  
If this will last forever  
And I will pay no mind  
Well it won't and it won't because it can't  
It just can't  
(It's not supposed to)

Was there a second of time I looked around?  
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?  
Was anything enough to kiss the ground  
And say I'm here now?  
And she is here now

oooh oooh oooh oooh  
oooh oooh oooh ooooooh...

So much wasted in the afternoon  
So much sacred in the month of June  
How bout you?

And I will wait to find  
If this will last forever  
And I will wait to find  
That it won't and it won't and it won't  
And I will pay no mind  
Worried bout no rainy weather  
And I will waste no time  
Remaining in our life together

haaa haaa haaa haaa haaa haaa haaaaaaa...

ooooooo...

I don't really change the song. Put it on repeat. Put it's like I'm still. Brooklyn, he is leaving. I don't feel sad. Maybe, maybe…I think he won't return. But, is that bad? I mean will he not be content going back to Japan? Being with Hiromi Tatibana? Still, I guess I feel very alone. I don't know how to feel. It's the only notion I can feel. Loneliness, blatant loneliness; truly tragic: pure uncut tragedy. Why? 'cause I feel so lonely – is that truly digestible? I mean haven't I been absolutely alone? Could I just, I mean, not just…there my mind is ticking anticlockwise now. I feel lonely then I deny that I don't feel lonely at all. I love Brooklyn romantically to certain extents, he can make me laugh, entertain me, give me passionate sex yet there is something in my heart that tells that this love is not real. It's just me – no one ever gave me time of day. Brooklyn he did, so the thought of a friend may sometimes turn to romanticism. But, it's wrong to think it so. Truth be told I envied Hiromi for the fact that she received his undivided attention not the fact of him loving her and coveting her. If Brooklyn told me now that he loved me I may turn all "mushy-gushy" but truthfully it will not be true love with us. True love is when you are not only emotionally but spiritually, sexually and physically attracted to a person in your own right. Any department unrequited by an specific attraction means no true love. I may be the painted-slut but I can philosophically induce that. Well Brooklyn is leaving, hence I should make plans too. I wanna see Hiromi for myself. I also want some beyblade action. Brooklyn said he might fuck up Tyson Kinomiya – oh goody – I can't wait to fight that guy. Tyson has always attracted me…anyway, let's get it on:

' Jezebel sharpen your claws honey! We are headin' to a party in Japan!'

My cat "meows" in anticipation. A challenge is always deliciously seductive.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I made this chapter blatantly short but I'll update soon. Please forgive me.

* * *


	14. Callously

**

* * *

Tell Me Maybe I can Forget  
XIV  
Callously

* * *

**Descent of abnormality made my head swoon. Ok, Ok, Tyson, take it easy – I keep on telling myself that but I don't believe it. This shit is so overrated; it's gotten me up the wall. Ok, Ok, maybe it is not an overrated thing or whatever but, what the hell is going on? 

**Hitoshi** won't talk to me. I'm pissed now because I usually don't call him Hitoshi but I call him Hiro – but I do call him Hitoshi too, but I'm accentuating it. When I do that I'm pissed. Ok, Ok, Tyson calm down. Oh fuck it! Zeo, Hiro – both of them are so lame! Even Kai is _unstable_ and that ain't something _easy_ to accept.

' Zeo is locked up in my room…' Kai breaks the silence around us; we are in our hallway, ' I think Grandpa wants us to leave him alone. That's why he ain't giving us the keys to open my room.'

' You know he's acting like a bitch!' I couldn't help but scream to it. Hiro and Zeo were so secretive it annoyed me and I was just feeling ridiculously involved as a third party though I'm in the full-length of whatever this was.

' Point taken.' Kai concurred and it bewildered me; though it was reasonable frustration.

' Kai, you knew this all along – why won't you tell me anything?!' I demanded, though not yelling so loudly.

' Because…as I keep on telling you…it isn't something I wanna tell you…' Kai narrowed his eyes, ' It's something Hiro and Zeo must sort out for us.' He looked extremely impatient at my determination for discovery.

' You are sometimes more dense than a cactus!' I scream now, literally, our Grandpa comes out of Hiro's room, where he had been trying to fork out info from Hiro but to no avail.

' You'll be surprised to know how intelligent plants are…' Kai mutters, ' They are so efficient, they _scare _me.'

I gawk at him, ' Kai Hiwatari I will just pretend I didn't hear you say that you are scared of plants.'

' Tyson, grow up. What does efficiency of plants being so versatile make me have a phobia on plants?' he looked annoyed. ' Besides…' he went on a trance, ' It's the efficiency that scares me; Just like Zeo scared me before.'

' Huh?' Zeo scared Kai, this was incredulous news.

' You see I always knew Zeo was a machine. When I was told to mix with him – the fact that he was an android really **scared **me. His efficiency was so mechanized that I really couldn't forget that he wasn't human.' Kai confessed, ' No flaw except maybe a hyperactive personality…' he paused and stared at me, ' Which is a flaw with most…' oh Kai, you are gonna get it, ' But, it was because I thought Boris could make him a perfect anything. That actually scared me. The efficiency could be deadly if controlled by Boris.'

' If…' there was an "if" and it had to be pronounced, ' Basically…' I look at him with a focused eye so detesting the secrecy of the whole affair, ' Hiro and our good friend Zeo will enlighten us and until then **you **won't say anything…correct?' I say the last part with a sickly sweetness, an abnormal angry sarcasm.

' **Basically**…' he really does emphasize it, ' Yes.' So, at least he was still adamant as usual.

I look at him. Kai has changed a bit. I could tell. Aside from opening up there was something different. Like he spaced out in a sense of euphoria while thinking and I've got a feeling it ain't beyblading. Could it be…no, Kai hangs around with her…but…could Serena ever…? I mean –

' Tyson what's wrong with you,' he looks at me weird, ' You're not dozing off are you?'

' The way things are going maybe I should.' I lie impulsively as the time to talk to Kai about his feelings isn't now, but, truthfully, dozing off ain't such a bad idea, ' Besides once Zeo's done by "I've got a P.H.D in brat studies" let me know.' I lean against the wall and tamper into daydreaming with closed eyes. This wait can kill.

' This wait can kill.' Okay, he isn't telepathic now is he or – we are thinking in the same wavelengths – geez that bored voice of Kai's sure could match mine, ' What you grinning at big bro?'

' Nothing.' Innocent till proven guilty: I smile sheepishly at him.

' Tyson, we definitely need a role reversal – you be little bro and I be big bro then, it'll be easier to baby-sit…' Ok, he spoke his monotone with his eyes closed popping out a bit of his right eye in an odd fashion and a eyebrow raised hearing my scowl, ' Ok, you know what forget what I said.'

These minutes could kill and rather than being a victim I'll scurry into something convenient. I go to Grandpa's room and see him sitting down worriedly on the floor. I take the keys he put on the shelf – and ran –

' Kai, Uh, Tyson! Kai stop him!' This was hilarious – Grandpa sure could scream.

' Tyson!' Kai was close to stopping me but I busted the door open and Zeo came charging at me.

' Leave me alone!' Zeo looked distraught – Fuck the compassion for a while.

' No can do Gizmo!' I grab him, ' Listen-'

' You release me at once you jerk-off!' Zeo struggled at my grasp, wailing, kicking, screaming and shouting, ' I say hands off dickhead now!'

' Listen – stop this right now – you can't do this Zeo!' I was also struggling as Kai was shouting at me and trying to pry me off. ' You are a strong person and I'm not trying to be the bastard here but please Zeo, lighten up! Please we need you to gain some control!'

' Why do I need to! It's not fucking important!' Zeo started crying now, ' I can't – I can't accept it anymore-'

' What?' I asked with compassion. It couldn't be postponed anymore.

' That I'm not real!' he bawled out completely and I tensed.

' Look what you done now Tyson!' Grandpa hit me in the head with a kendo stick.

Despite flinching I addressed my purpose, ' It had to be done.' Zeo was in my arms still no longer frantically struggling, ' You are as real as anyone here…' I started and Zeo looked up, ' I'm not looking at you any differently than I had before I knew. But, you must accept that your soul is human and that's what counts.'

' Do machines have souls?' Zeo sobbed at the thought.

' That depends on what your heart and mind says…' I looked at him seriously, ' Have you ever felt like a machine aside from the fact that you are android? I don't think so, you are Kai's step-cousin and he looks at you as that as well…'

' No he doesn't!' he broke out from my grasp and he looked fierce, ' I had seen the way he looked at me when I was a child and even now! He thinks I'm nothing!'

' That's not true!' It was the man we were speaking about entering into the scene with a booming voice, Kai looked really powerful in this manner, I was amused, ' That's not true!' he repeated again with all his might, this sure bothered him but he finally calmed down after a minute of utter silence as we stared, ' Zeo…I…I admit…I was afraid of you and your mechanical efficiency but I never detested you – I just didn't like the idea of seeing you as a pawn…a pawn in Boris's hands…'

' Are you sure?' Zeo questioned his manner of behavior towards him.

' What makes you think I'm not?' Kai looked directly onto Zeo then decided to come forward and instinctively (as it seemed) grabbed his shoulders, ' Why do you think otherwise? Please tell me Zeo…'

' I don't know…' Zeo looked down, ' I guess…because…I am different…there seemed to be no other in the world like me…so I –uh-I mean…I'm not used to…I just wanted to be human…'

' There are many monsters who call themselves human…' I decided to speak, ' But a human form alone cannot make one a human…it takes more than guts and blood…it's soul and you have it Zeo!'

' Tyson is right.' There was a new voice and it was Hitoshi, ' You are no different than anyone of us.'

' Hiro…' Zeo just blinked as he muttered his voice.

' I think it's about time we chat about everything that I can offer.' Finally, Hiro is going to confess. This light will reveal the exit to this secretive labyrinth.

* * *

I pursed my lips. His quietness made my brain feel ignored and a super-intellect as I cannot accept such petty distances as negligence. I am his star and so I must be treated with the dignity that is rightfully mine. 

' Yes Brooklyn?' Boris must have seen my annoyance, ' Would there be anything you-'

' Cut the crap Valkov.' I calmly state, ' This sudden departure for Japan is a callous decision in your part. You work your ass off to feel the kick of the authorities and your enemies. Not pretty smart of the evil genius.'

' You mind your tongue Brooklyn or else I'll cut it.' Vehemently said, an artist is that you Mr. Valkov?

' Why is it that you pine to do so?' I snicker.

' You won't need your tongue to beyblade.' He grins as if he got me. I play these sorts of games better.

' Neither will you need your cock to manage things in your devious ploys just your brains.' I smirk seeing his distemper.

' Cocky little bastard!' he lost.

' Hmm, am I really I can't say.' I close my eyes.

' At least you will get to see that whore Hiromi again – I know you're gonna want to – so you should be…' he cut of midway as I raised the dagger towards his throat, '…dandy…'

' Like I said.' I dangerously maneuvered the dagger closer to his throat, ' You won't need a cock to manage office work.' I slid it down close to his pants, ' What do you say…?'

' Aren't we the obsessed stalker.' He laughed gaining my anger.

' I wouldn't have protected Hiromi if she hadn't shown an interest on me, then would I have been the obsessed weirdo/wannabe-boyfriend.' I withdrew the dagger and sit back to my seat.

' What I learned from love is that it changes if one was never serious about it.' A piece of romantic philosophy from the soulless scientist: interesting.

' And you got a P.H.D. in romance, how…?' I mocked his sharing of ideologies with me.

' You cannot be love with anyone unless you are attracted to them wholly and feel very comfortable around them.' Boris was serious now, about this? **Un-fuckin'-believable**.

' And you think I just want Hiromi for a good fuck?' I just slashed out with him, unfortunately not with the dagger.

' No, I'm talking from Hilary's part…' Boris eyed me, ' People tend to get attracted and emotional with some people only temporarily only to realize that they don't really covet that person or wish to sow future with them.' He raised a finger, ' Sexuality or sexual fantasies are not the one and only key to anything.'

' What the fuck do you mean?' It was interesting me and annoying me at the same time: Boris doesn't talk like this. Probably, he's PMSing – ok, that was a fucked-up sexist comment. I really meant sugar-coating for the sake of unwanted celibacy. God, he needs a lay.

' I mean people must be mutually, wholly attracted to one another to fall in love – the rest is just time pass or manipulation.' He raises a glass of wine now and drinks it. He can really drink heavily at times and…is it that good to do it in a plane, even if it is his private jet…

' And…' I kinda drawl, not knowing why he's engaging in this conversation bores the fuck out of me.

' Some Boys And Girls may sometimes manipulate you…' he plays with his glass as he sways it and sees the ocean of red follow his instructions to swirl as the obedient liquid-marionette, I feel like that liquid at times. ' They may say pretty things to you so that you feel as you love them, need them, depend on them, cry for them if you are apart from them, want to talk to them and even after the relationship is gone you'll cry over it and make you think if you really loved them because they pirated the symptoms of love so that they could shag you and so you go through a mental stress. Where if you say: "I love you." You don't feel great but your heart clenches in a pain. You may miss them if they are gone because they indirectly fucked you up without you knowing about it and even when you do know that they manipulated you, you can't seem to drop them of your head and disturbingly feel as you love them. But just like a bad tune in your head they leave after a time even when you felt that you couldn't live or breathe without them. This is because they manipulated you to have feelings for them and your soul when it fully heals will address them as a bad dream and then move on. Maybe it won't be simple but it will happen. You'll soon forget their voice, their whole package, because no one can tolerate a manipulator in romantic situations. The heart will heal as you'll learn not to tolerate those hypocrites anymore.'

' You seem well-learned about these matters…' I edge closer, ' Have you ever done some manipulation to get into a woman's pants?'

' I'm not that evil Brooklyn…' he stated with a piercing direct eye-contact, ' But many of my male and female associates were bastards of that breed.'

' I must admit you know quite the good thing of romances.' I teased but then asked, ' Did you ever had the heart to have one?'

' Once but it was short-lived.' He stated drinking the remainder of the wine then pouring more.

' Hmm, a well-learned scholar in romance and yet no eternal love, tsk-tsk, how tragic, what was the fault?' it was a habit this sarcasm but I guess if we were the normal sort of people it wouldn't have been so.

' No, the love is still there, just there wasn't the energy to make it grow, it's our fault really. It wasn't like we didn't want to but – it just we really weren't up to it.' He drinks another glass then hands me one, ' I hope you know what you're doing with the Japanese princess.'

' I hope you know you are drunk Boris.' I looked at him, ' You don't talk polite and sense at the same time with me.' What he said made loads of sense! If you couldn't tolerate someone completely you didn't really care about them romantically.

' No, I know you know I'm sober Brooklyn.' He raises his glass and we toast just for the heck of it, ' I feel doing the bullshit good deed for a while. Don't expect to see it always.'

' That'd be expecting a serial killer to spare his victims.' My morbid humor entertains me as I now play with a glass of wine.

' But how can you know the heart of the killer maybe he might spare his victims if he understands clemency for a while. Well I think I should sleep now because I rather chose this journey to tire me then inebriate me.' He closed his eyes and I decided not to answer.

I looked out my glass window to see quest-filled clouds calmly trotting to where God leads them and some so swirled that they seem the ones spiraling out of control. I guess like that love and lust had thin lines and we humans do the insensible thing of becoming retarded and jumping into situations without weighing our inward responses. I recalled a poetic verse Hiromi once wrote that really stuck to me:

"Callously you open; you become damned  
Because you had let the weeds of error slaughter your garden of Eden."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hope you liked this chapter!

* * *


	15. Cunning

**Disclaimer:** Doctor – That nut-job escaped…she's a threat to Mr. Takao Aoki…She still believes she owns Beyblade; Me – Contemplating doc?; Doctor – Nurses! Nurse! Loony is here…Loony is (hits the head with a mallet); Me – Payback time! (ties doctor to the bed) Now I'll hypnotize you, I'll have to make you realize I own Beyblade!

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XV  
Cunning**

I usually don't daydream, unless I'm bored but basically, no one should make having naughty thoughts a habit. Besides, this perv sitting next to me has been staring at my legs for the last five minutes. He thinks that I'm too busy smoking so I won't notice – well, tough luck pal, I'm onto you. Geez, I'm wearing a mini with knee-length boots and asides the occasional glances some guys did give and some eye-contacts that were natural between strangers at certain intervals no one was really that busy checking me out. Despite my sexiness (which most men told me I had who necessarily did not bed me) I think it is natural that a mindset should be established. Even if you are attracted you must try to control yourself and besides I'm not the only babe in this outfit wearing a mini. The bloke is decent-looking and semi-cute overall to me. But I'm not a label with "fuck" written all over despite my harlot identity: right now in this plane, I, Kristen RedHart, am decent enough _now _in the present.

' Excuse me?' the move, it's cutting-edge hit-over. Pathetic pick-up if you want my preference.

This guy can read "sod-off" message can't he? Hmmm, I wonder what Brooklyn is doing right now…possibly blading all over Hiromi. Damn, I hope he gets her good. He is been in deep-true love with that girl for ages. But…what are Hiromi's feelings…Why do I think that she might not –

' Excuse me?' Please could you read the signs bozo – your pardons ain't getting me tuned and seriously your overtones in expression makes me wanna kill you. You so wanna lay me, ' Uh, ma'am.' Geez, do you do your grandmother: ma'am to me, I see it in you – you think I'm classy merchandise don't ya loser…

' What is it…?' to the point and in indifference. Don't let another mood be forced out Kristy.

' You are a beyblader are you not?' he looks at my encaged Jezebel, ' Wic-ked…' stresses on his "baby-awed" type behavior, ' I've never seen such a beautiful blade…' translation – **you** are **fabulous hell **with the **blade**. He braves it, ' Just like its owner…'

' Well thanks.' Play it with casual indifference, zone out and air with jaded attention. No. Give. Shit. Bottom Line.

' So is this your first visit to Japan?' climbed over the fence you think haven't you, you dweeb – you don't see the guard dogs yet.

' Yes.' Matter-of-factly bullshit: this fucks up the confidence.

' Well, you need a guide I suppose…' he grinned and he was beaming with an urgency to know me – soul and body and all – cute crushes won't over with me, I'm not the innocent lamb who can run over that field, ' I can help you.'

Yup, queue for the hard ball, ' With undressing me, no thanks, I can do it myself, in my hotel room, _ALONE_…' read my message dick-wad.

He looked so great with that shattered look, ' Wh-what…?' not much of a player now are you: Men and Women like you must be shown their place.

' Listen asshole…' I puff with a low-pitch hiss, ' I saw you lookin' at my legs for like an hour…' exaggeration is a good bitch-slap, ' Drop this flirty-nice guy shit 'cause it's killin' me!' I narrow my look, ' Shut up.'

He edges closer, ' Your feisty attitude excites me…' he dares to stare at my body and face, ' You are an Amazon aren't you? I'd like to see you and be with you for you are all beauty…'

' Waxing poetic is top trick with manipulators…' I know this game better loser, ' I can be Venus or Artemis to your cock in bed but rather I see myself embodying them in more than just bedroom slogans…' he almost gapes, ' Beyblading for example…can it…'

' I usually get what I want…' he teases with a closer space, he wants to cup my face it seems, ' You are no virgin and so ain't I – fun and games are specialties we can't ignore but you – you are definitely more than just a _ride_…I like you…'

Jezebel time for action, ' Sweetie…the problem is…' I smile, ' That I definitely don't like you…'

Jezebel extends her claws from her bit and we both scratch him at the same time. The man screams and everyone in the plane looks at us – Jezebel and I have no red on are hands – can't be caught red-handed now…

' Sir, how did you get that wound?' the Air-Hostess frantically asked – her eyes looking at my fake but convincing horror.

I secretly gave the man the awful look. Better not piss me off Romeo, ' I don't know…' he fibs, got the picture don't ya, ' I think I scraped my hand against something..' better, much better.

' Sir, let's look at that wound…' The Air-Hostess tells him to follow and he looks at me desperately with fear and anxiety.

' Have a good time _handsome_…' I snicker with the whisper.

He bows his head. The winnings are all mine. Brooklyn. Boris. Hiromi. Tyson. Japan. Beyblading. Watch out for this kitty as I'm coming to hunt!

* * *

It's like falling. Dreaming and at the same time it's pleasantly obscure. Brooklyn, I think I am very much attracted to you, but…I don't know…are you…do you…love me…? This frightens me a lot…

' Hilary guess what you are not paying attention to me again.'

' What, oh, sorry Mariah.' I look at her playful-teasing face and bite my tongue in a frolicking manner – all out and child-like – wasn't she supposed to be like trying to do homework with me – she is listening to Pink instead. Geez, we both are sidetracked.

' You know what I'm bored of trigonometry; nothing so great there – hey, why you doing Lit?' she looked at my Chrysalids and scrutinized me making notes. I suppose I was not really math at that moment.

' 'Cause Math seemed boring at the time.' I was a math-freak mostly but sometimes some consistencies disappear, mainly for human flexibility but then again Love was the only true constant force – when it was _**true**_ in the whole of it.

' You know what I'm so gonna fail in the Chem exam.' Groaning and stretching my cat-like friend emulated frustration, ' I've been ignoring the revision of the periodic table and I vaguely know it.'

' Sounds like a F this Thursday.' I teased her with a stand on in irritation.

' Don't be such a little prissy-missy and stop predicting Fs!' Mariah was extra cranky as her fight with Meiling did not really finish. This made her easily sensitive and open for the thorns to stab.

' I'm sorry.' I quietly apologize, ' Don't think I think that you are a uncommitted student.'

' It's not you Hil it's me.' She grabbed her head with both hands, ' I'm going crazy!'

Ok, this was serious, ' What for?' though I ask in a soft voice my insides roar.

' It's Rei – I think he never loved me!' she looks a bit tearful but mostly annoyed. Oh dear, ' You know I once knew the bastard!' ok, seriously pissed, ' What do you think he thinks that I'll wait forever!'

Time to rub and be the masseuse and free her body from cramps, ' You know…' this was serious, ' You guys have something people don't usually have. Real Love.' This was serious.

' Huh?' she gazed with a confused look.

' True Hard may happen through simple occurrences but it's hard to find.' My mind set on Brooklyn, ' Sometimes you may love a person so much that you might think it's romantic but actually it is not…' Brooklyn are you… ' You must be strong and face facts – you can't be expectant that everything will run smoothly. Rei is taking more time to probably properly approach you. He wants to sincere rather than a "Hit-on" guy with fake passions.'

' I guess you are right…' Mariah glanced apprehensively. Our school yard was very busy with busybodies going around and suddenly – 'AH!' something hit Mariah's face pretty good and uh – it was a beyblade piece.

' Someone trashed someone's blade up good.' I picked up the culprit – an attack ring.

' Yeah – hey who's that?' Mariah pointed with her left hand as she caressed with her right – I forgot my compassion as I could not ask her if she was bruised badly because this particular girl was not wearing a school uniform and was simultaneously attacking a group of bladers.

' Hey! Who are you?!' Mariah screamed as we ran forward, ' Hey Missy I'm speakin' to ya! Besides what's the point of trashing the blade like that! You aren't really playing it's bullying!'

The girl had a raven head and stared with a mundane, ignoring presence, ' Are you bladers?'

' Duh.' Mariah specified the point.

' Well, wait your turn…' she turned again to her beybattle but then Mariah pushed her.

' Pay Attention!' she yelled and the raven-crowned lady finally seemed interested – her beyblade smashed each and ever opponent in the beydish and then returned to her, ' Who the hell are you anyway?!'

' My. My,' she flipped her hair with a stoic, hard aura, ' Aren't you an impolite child – My name is Queen. Who might you be?'

' Queen.' Mariah snorted, ' Not so elegant as it should be!' she goes forward; ' Allow me to introduce myself…' Mariah bows down, ' I'm Mariah Lee. Forgive my rudeness but your _fake politeness_ really snubs the beauty off your face!'

' Wench! I'll treat you as the filth you are!' Queen hissed and threw her beyblader to the dish: the dice was made.

' You finally reveal your true royal colors you manipulative bitch!' Mariah was in battle mode, ' Galux tear this wannabe apart!'

' I'll cut that tongue off if I were you slut!' Queen looked at Mariah from head to toe, ' What's your going-rate…?'

' Shut-up!' Mariah couldn't retort and both and Queen shot me a bizarre look, ' Both of you are acting like uncouth individuals! Stop Swearing and start fighting! Attitude is nothing without the class!' I narrow my eyes, ' Sneaky and manipulative are what LOSERS do! Fight Mariah!'

' I'll trash your blade!' Mariah used Galux as a battering ram against Queen's Blade and she looked overwhelmed.

She hissed, ' Forget your morality speech this slut is gonna get fucked!' she looked at me and then Mariah.

' It just shows that you are a loser!' I retorted, ' Mariah get her!'

' Galux! Cat Scratch Attack!' Mariah raised her fist up on the air and made her Beyblade steam up power and really TEAR at the other blade. Queen's momentum was horribly slogged and she clenched her fists her anger. Cat Scratch may sound simple but it hurt as hell!

However her blade did not lose balance, ' Fire Rising!' Blue flames appeared out of blade and tormented Mariah's blade – it look as it was a poor lamb being burned alive! Galux's punishment didn't end there Queen went directly to the offensive and used her blade to do a triple clash attack on Mariah's blade, ' Your kitty can go to the vet now!'

' Galux!' Mariah saw the burn marks on her blade and the intense body damage but Galux wasn't giving in – it heard the will of her mistress, ' Galux!' Mariah saw her cat quickly lick her wounds and appear in front of the mistress, ' Do Requiem Dash!'

At Mariah's command Galux shot forward high in the air came down and used her mouth as a chainsaw and cracked Queen's blade and then clashed her tail around like a whip. Queen's blade was being suffocated under those blows.

After a while the blade just stopped spinning. Queen had lost – ' NO!' she screamed devastation, ' How…could I have lost…?'

' Simple…' Galux returned to Mariah's hand as she narrowed her eyes, ' Bullies never win in the end.'

' Interesting little kitty but let's shut that mouth of yours!' Queen screamed and released her beyblade right at Mariah and cut the corner side of her mouth. Mariah squeaked in pain and grabbed her face as blood oozed out.

' That's it cheeky!' I approached her as lightning, ' I'm teaching you a cold, hard lesson that you really won't forget so quick!' I bombarded her punches and then gave a round-hose kick right to the face.

' AHH!' Queen clutched her wounded face, her raven hair in disarray as she slumped to her knees. No one can take a cheap-shot at my friend and get away with it. I looked with dangerous eyes at Queen as she panted and got up, ' You know.' She smiled, slightly trembling as she slowly recovered from the episode I shot her,  
' Meeting you two has been very interesting. I can't wait to fight you very soon if _you_ beyblade that is.' She pointed towards me.

' Bring it on.' I rasped it out clarifying her of my skills.

' Goodbye then.' Queen waved and then jumped on the school way making her move outside.

' Mariah are you ok?' I helped her as she looked at the scratch that has formed on a tiny mirror she carried in her schoolbag.

' Yeah I'll live if that's what you're worried about.' She smirked as I giggled playfully pinching her arm, which she responded by slapping my wrist in a sporty manner then she smirked again, ' We nailed her didn't we?'

' Well,' I smirked, ' Not _literally_.'

We both started laughing knowingly and headed back to class. Let's say our _recess _was over…or whatever…though…that girl…we better be careful…

* * *

All I knew was that my heart palpitated.

Was this _love_?

My curious heart wanted to know

I thought about her twenty-four/seventh but…it's like a bug in my brain…it's been a month…whenever I wanna say "I love…' to anything her name pops out and truthfully…I don't think about her in a crowd…unless the thought that I'm not thinking about her shows up then I think of her…

But…the truth is…it irritates me… I mean I'm no saint nor am I an unlawful sinner but…I don't understand…I fantasize about her and I climaxed with her but I get irritated…

The words 'I love…' and her name appears in my head _**ALL THE TIME**_ as a bad tune stuck to my brain. Sometimes I feel semi-sexual, sexual, semi-euphoric, euphoric but then I'm totally agitated, irritated and then I wonder what's wrong with me? _**I asked God Almighty the same question…What's wrong with me…?**_

All I know I'm going mad and this isn't the case of _**Tatu's **__I've Lost My Mind_ "nice" scenario…**I'm seriously depressed**…

So Is This _Love_? But my intuition can't identify it.

So, do I Kai Hiwatari, Love Serena Yutaka…?

* * *

**Author's Note:** " Ok, I hope you liked this chapter. Now, basically, there are some things that I need to discuss. I know what my readers are thinking…they're thinking 'we thought this was a Kai/Hil fic but they had no interaction whatsoever and this is chapter XV' – yes, but there is a reason behind this. I want to portray something realistic. Now, I've read fiction on Kai/Hil that has no realistic basis whatsoever. This is not a statement that defines that I'm a better writer and that I can write a more realistic story. What I've seen is that most of those fictions revolve around "fluff fandom" – meaning **it is a certain way, a sharp perception into how a reader** **wants Kai and Hilary or any other famous characters' pairing to happen**. Thus, they have no real magnetism or true love happening. I believe it is wrong to ALWAYS write fiction even fanfiction like that. Why? 'cause sometimes it would be good to show things that have both surreal effects but has more realism in it. It need not be complex but as every sort of people read fiction particularly fanfiction you may be able to reach out to your readers that way, seriously, in either an emotional way or a way that enlightens them. Now, we do read fanfiction to pass time but at times we read it to see the knowledge of the people who are writing them. We also want to see if it strikes us in a unique way. This is the reason why I'm proceeding with this fiction in this manner. I want to introduce themes that actually have an effect on people in real life whither teenager or adult. All I ask my friends is if you'll bear with me. Thank-you for your time."

* * *


	16. Reunion

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XVI  
****Reunion**

* * *

_" Even__ if I wither away in your ambivalent progeny  
Will you see my heartache? Will you know my ambivalent emotions...?"_

* * *

" Hey Kai, are you okay?' I wasn't in the mood to answer that question.

I looked at Tyson, ' No, actually, I'm not in the mood to answer anything.' Whadya know I just replied in an idiotic way. 'Cause I just answered him of the fact that I didn't wanna answer. Hmm, either I'm high or he's plain lucky to see me disoriented.

' Kai, you're not alright, are you?' He questions again. Seeing me haphazard is abnormal in his book. **God Almighty make the pressures in my heart go away!** Dammit it's killing me!

' As I answered before,' I rubbed my forehead, ' **No**.'

' Well, I'm confused...' Tyson was pacing around, ' I have a feeling your depression has nothing to do with Zeo and Hiro's bad moods or the fact that Hiro will tell us some secrets of his life.' he looked at my straightforward confusion, ' Well, Something tells me, it doesn't, does it?'

' Tyson, I seriously don't wanna talk about it.' I firmly answer him as I go to my room, ' If you need me, I'll be studying _Merchant Of Venice _so hop on over and save me whenever I feel the need to bash my head on the headboard.'

' That's it Kai!' He seized my hand, ' It's not like you to get bored by Shakespeare! C'mon are you alright?'

' When I'm ready,' I take his seizing hand off, ' I'll tell you about it.' I give him a diligent tone assuring him my legitimacy, ' I promise.' a word of further confidence. I didn't want him to get worried but obviously I was in a horrid mess of things. I could not comprehend my own emotions. This has never happened to me before. What was I going to do...? God, you're hearing this right?...Sort me out before I lose it...seriously.

' Kai, whatever it is – please tell me ok, I will always be there for you little bro.' he solemnly promises me and I look at him with a smile.

' Arigatou Tyson-kun.' he was really a big brother.

' You know,' he grinned, ' I'm not all that immature; so get off my case at times.' he patted mu back, though I gave him a playful glare. ' Seriously,' now he was firm, ' Anything you want come to big bro.' he pointed to himself, ' I'm right here Kai.'

' Arigatou.' I told him but then easily asked him with some of my frustration lowered, ' When Hiro and Zeo begin to talk call me for it.' my look was solid, ' I've waited years Tyson, I don't wanna miss these proceedings.'

' Yeah,' he looked at me and read my expressions, he sounded reassuring and curious, ' You and me both brother.' then he tensed, ' Having these complications makes me somewhat angry at Hitoshi.'

' Why?' I simply could not understand that.

' Well,' he seemed glum, ' I wanted Hitoshi to tell me everything. In some ways Hitoshi's my everything as he is my family. He introduced me to Beyblading. He was more of a dad than my own Dad because – well – the other father is an archaeologist working hard. That other Dad taught me that some dreams are worth the effort while Hitoshi-daddy,' he smirked at the given nickname, ' Allowed me to find that goal I wanted to work with. He confided everything to me about beyblading so why not tell me about Zeo. If he could tell me and teach me my sport I wish he could have said other things, I wish he could've said.'

' Beyblading, is not life Tyson.' I deduced to my brother, ' To people like us maybe it is, but truth be told, we are fools because of this at times. We forget not everything in our lives will revolve around Beyblading. We forget that our lives will comprise of more. Thus, we become careless. This body may be ephemeral but we exhaust it at times believing it to be eternal and to be honest we should restrain and restrict ourselves at times. Because freedom which has no navigations has its prices and sometimes those prices are too high for us to handle. The truth is Hiro didn't understand what he was getting into – it's what mature minds will call ' how someone believes they know everything' and unfortunately this happens to young people, teenagers, like myself. It happens a lot to intellects as well, Hiro being a good example, we must remind ourselves that we are human beings and that we can do wrong without being logical.'

' You know bro you're matured.' Tyson complimented my speech, ' But despite knowing all that my naive emotions can't handle what seems to them a betrayal. I believe it was a wise scholar who preached that ' You control your emotions but don't let them control you' – right in many ways if you ask me.'

_Definitely, me at present, I'm losing it, severely_, ' Yeah so true.' my mind was getting it's screws lose. ' Tyson, I'm going to study now.' I was heading down like a zombie to my room.

' Bro, you take it easy now...' Tyson softly stated I guess seeing me disoriented was something quite unexpected. There was a strong worried etch in his tone. Do I look that off-track?

----------

_What's happening to me? _The same question:

_I don't know what to call it, **Love or Madness**? Whatever it is it's driving me up the walls. I feel like a rabid dog, I'm losing it. Oh God why am I losing it? I don't love Serena it's not possible. It can't be_: The same palpitations in my chest, the heaving weights that crashed and made my heart feel, mutilated.

Get a grip, Kai Hiwatari, get a grip, will ya now? I kept repeating to myself.

Then the urgency came around, I started the mantra, ' I love Serena.', ' I love Serena.'. ' I love Serena Yutaka.' ' I love -' cut short my the squeak that came out of my mouth and the pain in my chest. The truth was these words were stuck into my head like a bad tune. I felt irritated by saying them but at the same time had the urgency to tell them. It was like my mind was heavily injured by some mass of incoherent origins. I was going insane.

There was a twenty-four/seventh urgency to say ' I love Serena' but then when I said it I didn't understand why I felt so irritated. I squeaked and I howled in pain and those abnormal, audible sounds came out my throat: As if something inside me was in a conflict; a beast devouring me whole and alive. I was constantly feeling that. I am, confused, I don't know. I really wanna escape. I, um, am really confused. I had been friends with her for so long. It is quite unnatural for me to have these feelings for her. We have been friends for a long time so it could be possible that what I have could be a crush – yet, is crushes supposed to feel this _odd_. Something seems very_ unnatural_.

Unusual, isn't that – how – love starts?

Is it always that way? Or, I believe there must be an "or" for I cannot really, I mean see myself in whole mind and body, without any interruptions, annoyances or distractions with Serena.

What does that mean…?

Why God, do you give me such trials…?

Maybe, maybe…I am mad…

* * *

I really don't know why there is a chill in the air, but it does disturb me. I really don't know my own feelings anymore. I believe it is more of my sex talking than my mind, my heart and my sex talking – so, sex, is being referred here to my OVERBLASTING HORMONES which are doomed to cling to me as I am a girl of seventeen. I guess I would still have them even if I was not a virgin. Losing virginity in confusion is like losing your parachute while you are sky-diving. Eventually, you die, in a particular way. It's not the morals talking or how celibacy rewards the patient – it's all those and more. For any woman or man it's easy to give the body away but not the heart. But as the body is a part of the heart you feel screwed when your lover doesn't shine with you, actually, you might even go for the wrong "the one". I guess it's never good to leap – because we never look when we do that.

' Huston, we have a problem – Hiromi's been dead for five minutes!' that's Mariah screeching. I guess she has to be this melodious for I have been ignoring her for five minutes, ' What's up with you?' she now sharply scrutinizes me, I look at her quite with a pale face I believe. I feel awkward.

' It's the weather. I kinda feel pissed off by it.' Not the surrounding one anyway, it was sunny, but the chill, I was being quite soft.

' Well,' she stares with a detective look, ' It's not so hot that you boil – unless the degrees are burning in you.' She edges forward, ' Spill the omelets 'cause you look like a frying pan.'

' I just feel wrong.' I'm nervous now, ' Like there's a spinal chill…'

' It's the boy right?' she suddenly looks worried…Can she know?

' Boy…?' I dumbly repeat.

' The boy, stalker, green-hair…' Oh I think Ming-Ming told her before the fight, ' Look Hiromi don't get worried…I…'

' No, girl, I know that Zeo, the "stalking boy" in question is rather harmless, you see…' I stressed the title of Zeo with my hands, comically, then I winked, ' He had a crush on me when we were younger – now, he just wants to beyblade. His infatuation is over. But he remembered how callously, childishly he flirted, well tried to – in that party Kenny threw years ago. He was really embarrassed. He wanted to meet me but you see, couldn't get that memory outta his mind so he decided to talk to my friends to try to reach me. But upon realizing how weird that was he called me from Tyson's house and apologized and arranged a meeting later.'

' Speaking of Tyson's house…' she seemed relieved at my explanation, ' I saw Hitoshi "Hiro" Kinomiya actually coming home.'

Now, that was news, ' Really?'

' Yeah, Mr. Valedictorian seemed to have found time for his family.' She semi-snorted.

' Don't you like him?' I asked with a hint of surprise.

' No, Girl, I do it's just – I don't understand how he leaves, comes and everyone is ok about it. I mean he's an intellect but I mean – I don't know he seems more of a extreme loner and that bothers me…' she explained, ' Being a severe loner is never good…it inspires misconceptions…'

' Like?' I was interested with the conversation.

' Like how isolation can make you emotionally attached and influenced by the wrong kind of people,' she intently focuses at me, she was serious, ' It happens and the aftermaths are not pretty.'

' Yeah, I know, but as you see…' I perceived, ' Hitoshi Kinomiya is smart, he has a bulky IQ and kids who got that may seem alienated in the world. It's not that they are narcissi and think they are all beautiful. It's just they feel they have no common ground with other people.'

' You know recently I've been doing some reading, have you ever heard of the authoress Margaret Atwood?'

' No I haven't – which century she write in Mariah?'

' She's a contemporary authoress. She is a prolific writer who engages in almost everything: read her _The Penelopiad_ which is a modern-language version to Homer's _Odyssey _only it's Penelope's story in her viewpoint but going back into matters she writes short stories too.'

' And?'

' She has a collection of short stories called _Dancing Girls_ (other one is called _Bluebeard's Egg_) where I only read the first story since it's a new book. It's called _Man From Mars_. It's about this oriental man, whose name is only known by Christine the protagonist, who stalks her about. Now Christine isn't any Marilyn Munroe, she is an overweight, called unattractive, tennis-playing high-school girl with interests in politics. Now, due to her stalker (who is basically short, less stronger, less taller than Christine and basically odd-looking guy) men who ignored Christine start asking her out trying to figure out what's so special in her that they missed which this stalker saw – due to the popular belief that a stalker stalks extraordinary people. Well, the man gets arrested due to his stalking and is threatened that if he ever is seen around Christine he's get deported – well, Christine awaits his calls because by this time as she believes she has nothing special in her life Christine looks forward to this man following her, he has become her obsession. He becomes deported anyway because he was said to stalk other girls this time a Mother Superior who was sixty years old! Christine gets into politics and is said to less discriminated against for no one really looks at her as a woman, the charm formed due to her stalker has already died away. She still got letters from that weirdo and she ignored them. What we realize is that as Christine looks at the news and reads papers voraciously (his country is at war) she wants to see his face because via his actions Christine has grown an obsession. She then starts reading books and gives away her T.V. set but despite herself when she thought of him she believed he survived as he could not talk proper English and survive in her country so in his own he must be doing well. In the end she believes he was like her, surviving as an interpreter.'

I looked at her incredulously. I found myself speechless, ' God…' that was the only word that squeezed out.

' Dou realize what Miss Atwood was speaking of?'

' Be precise.' I commanded my friend.

' Atwood showed that because of Christine's inferiority complex she became obsessed. That is why no one should shoo away their self-worth. You know Christine may not have been stereotypically a princess but everyone is beautiful. You'll notice in the cover of classics women and men who in modern times are considered ugly but hey they are in the cover in the faces of books, they have artistic purpose, so they are beautiful to at least some people – being a hit in the party isn't all that is cracked up to be. Christine felt overshadowed by her prettier, beautiful, older sisters, her parents; especially her mother's pity attitude towards her and her own self-ignorance. If attractive men did confide in her then she just needed to brush her looks up, bring out her potentials and most importantly grow her confidence then she could have got together with anyone. "Loving the person for the way they are." Is an ideology so misconstrued and misapplied nowadays; you are both your inside and your outside – just show others your all, meaning your potential, and people will swarm over you like you're honey. Don't heed bullying, negative remarks or that voice in your head that eats desperation saying "He/She will be the only one who will only love you." Listen to Madonna in this one "Don't go for second best" classic dialogue in the song _Express Yourself_ – for that is the key in finding true love and happiness, express your good vibes. The Theme Atwood surges, merges and dives into is that you gotta be your best to get your best. Don't wallow in self-pity or else you are asking for a heap of problems. See…?'

' Yup, absolutely right,' I agreed with her a hundred percent, ' People need to believe in good more. That is why God is around; you need the Creator no matter how _orthodox _that seems **nowadays.**'

' Don't let an atheist hear you say that Miss Tatibana.' Mariah humorously winked at me.

I giggled and then spoke seriously with a firm heart, ' I like to have faith in God. It's not only in my upbringing but mostly it's my own individual belief.'

' You know that's what I like about you.,' Mariah explained, ' You are a good balance between optimistic and pessimistic – I think I shall brand you a realist.'

' No one's perfect in life and that is why we have good and evil – I kinda believe it's God's way, our **own **way of thinking and choosing wrong and right.' I state the way my personality originated.

' You know who needs God, that girl Queen, I never saw a more villainous wretch as her,' Mariah almost cried in rage, ' Despite popular fiction I don't think you can always empathize and console with a negative character because love and understanding escapes the worst of them.'

' Truth is stranger than fiction.' I put down the universal truth.

' You are the second person who has said that to me.'

' And the first?' this got my interest.

' Ray…'

' Why did he say that Mariah?' interesting as I mentioned.

' He lost to Tyson, licking his wounds recently has not been in specialty, his whole casual philosophy on how "winning isn't everything" and "learning comes from failure" does not apply that much. He really yearns a win over Tyson; I believe it's his testosterone, it must have flooded.' Mariah replies with a serene melodic nature.

' That is a sexually biased perception, ' I mention to the "testosterone" bit, ' I hope you don't say that to his face.'

' I did,' Mariah states, ' He kinda quirked his eyebrow and requested not to use a gender example because nowadays as science tries to see how the female and male body are seduced by their primary hormones (estrogen and testosterone respectively) people find it rational to promote them in remarks with regards to the opposite sex; he says sometimes it's ok but it is becoming a cliché to introspectively look at masculinity and femininity and that is wrong as men have estrogen as well and women possess testosterone too so masculinity and femininity are more than just those chemicals . I told him it was just a joke and apologized. He grinned and said he knew that but basically wanted an intelligent conversation with me, ' she giggles, ' What's your reason for remarking like that?'

' I was thinking boys are more than sex…' I chuckle, ' Sorry, sex has been there a lot recently.' I point to my brain.

Mariah looks at me naughtily, ' We've all been there, going through it still; don't gamble on your virginity…'

' I wasn't going to.' I stare at her semi-pissed – HELLO! THAT'S WHY I WAS THINKING ON BROOKLYN AND MY FEELINGS OF BOTH BODY AND SOUL TOWARDS HIM! WAIT – I haven't told her that, ' Continue. Where the "stranger than fiction" implications come?' Maybe, I'll tell her later.

' Well he scrutinized me and I'm like "What?" he then says that and starts on how Drigger is being so slow in executing his Gatlin Claw and though he has more powerful moves he wants to be sturdy as even small attacks matter in battles as they change the whole rhythm of things.' Mariah almost hisses, ' You know I was tempted to say "Go fuck Drigger" but somehow God knows how I evaded that temptation,' she looks at me funny, ' So yeah, I don't know what he referred to it by.'

I laugh, ' Truth is stranger than fiction indeed.'

' Oh Screw you Hiromi!' Mariah playfully shouts and punches my hand, ' You be in a relationship then you'll know how frustrating it is!'

I cocked my head, ' So you guys **are** in a **relationship**?' teasing, oh, ain't I naughty!

' You know the way Ray acts Hiromi I think we are only not officially. You don't need kissing and fucking to be in a girlfriend/ boyfriend scenario that's why we need to be careful what we are doing, talking and making gestures with who. You never know what certain things signify so know thy friends, foes, lovers and allies.'

' Agreed.'

' Wanna go for Pizza?'

' Uh, ok.'

' You look timid.'

' Well, we were talking like _Socrates and Plato _and now we are thinking Pizza.' I point out. _Socrates and Plato_ being my terminology for philosophy.

' Welcome to the human condition, it's easy for our species to be in a flux, as long it isn't a mental deformity.' Mariah explains.

' No Anchovies I'm thinking cheese and only cheese right about now!'

' Good luck with your constipation!' Mariah gives a pukish look, only as show.

' I hope you aren't referring to "Constipated" the parody of Avril's "Complicated"'

' You know I love that song – especially the part where the dude says he finds out his girlfriend is his cousin.' Mariah snickers.

We both start laughing. Thank God I feel a certain peace in my heart after a long while.

* * *

Oh God, my life is a wasteland with no peace whatsoever. I was doomed to live a life with this mortal dissatisfaction. Well, it's natural for a fifteen year old boy to think like that: this is how Tyson explained it to me. Teenagers go through many phases so their moods mostly at depression are stringy like those black cats you see fighting in alley-ways. I just knew I didn't want to be swallowed by the intense burden of it.

I tried my best to avoid Serena Yutaka but I just didn't know what my qualms about her were. I found her cute and attractive; was that love? Did that mean I love her? I never fell in love before; Tyson was dry in that knowledge too seeing that he never had a girlfriend till now who he was serious about (crushes were some things he forgot about). Hitoshi was a person I was not close too and asking him about love right now wasn't a good idea because he was restless about his past: Zeo is a kid like me no matter what extraordinary variances came forward with his birth and Grandpa – did they have love around when he was my age?

' No Kai, we were seeing mayonnaise being invented!' not a good idea to tell him that; it was quite the derogatory comprehension. Well thank my adolescent mind, ' Well, is the girl cute?'

' Well, of course she is – I mean I don't know. A part of me doesn't mind hooking up with her but the other isn't sure.' I blushed, I was asking my Grandpa Kinomiya for love lessons. Well, the mind did still have hair and with his good perceptions I knew he could help me; even if he were bald he was more experienced than me anyone.

Grandpa looked at me, ' If there's always a half-half it could be just your hormones talking kid. Believe me, we old people have that problem too at times: it's called the human condition.'

I quirked my eyebrow, ' Grandpa, you have the same problems?'

' Sometimes Kai I'm only human.' He grinned and advised, ' I suggest you behave normally and do the same things you were doing this girl.'

' Do you want me to still avoid her?' I felt like a ten-year old; funny it was liberating.

' Not so much that the cold shoulder hurts the little mama but if she makes you mondo uncomfortable than avoiding her to some extents is a good cause.' He winked, and then added, ' That's easy to say and not to do if she's already a good friend than – gotta see where you're going, you walking on thin ice so don't be rude.' I think it is a hundred percent possible that Grandpa knows it's Serena, seeing she's the only female entity in my life.

' Uh…yeah you're right…thanks Grandpa see you later…' ok, he knew but that doesn't mean I gotta say it, I mean this isn't a guilt-trip or a confession. I do think his advice helped a million though I still find the urge to talk to Serena; then I go like ain't I supposed to be avoiding her?

' This has a price you know…' Grandpa's eyes glowed; seriously I thought he was the reincarnation of the "wolf-man"

' Uh-huh,' I got the message, though I knew he was no cheapie to actually can me or something, ' We talking bags of chocolate chips or lasagna?'

' Neither.'

I quirk a brow as the stakes were getting interesting, ' You don't wanna beat Garfield?' I teased, ' Ok, tell…what ya need?'

' You need to tell me your future girlfriends' names ok, especially your first,' he batted his eyelashes, ' PLEASE KAI! PRETTY PLEASE! YOU KNOW ME I'LL KEEP MY LIPS SEALED!'

I stared, surprised is the expression, ' Sure Grandpa but…I hope you aren't gonna hug my girlfriends and think of them as "new additions" to the family. If, you get my message.' I smiled.

' What do you think I'm an odd-ball cock-head!' Cool, Grandpa swore, ' Listen boy,' he smiles, ' I think you need a girl.'

I blush, turning hot, ' Grandpa!'

He hits me in the head, ' Kids! Always thinking with the wrong part of the anatomy!' he calms and seriously states, ' It will be nice,' he is solemn, ' If you find your woman. The one who makes your life the one you always wanted. Your Grandma was my childhood sweetheart, I was lucky by God I was, because many people Kai end up with the wrong people Kai more nowadays because they think sex is everything, and that doesn't make the world go around. Sex is important but so are other things in love one shouldn't be so singularly interested in one thing than that love is not true. Get it, sometimes you kids get sexually frustrated so you also think about people you don't like and get turned on by them and like saying you love them but deep inside it ain't love. So don't lose your virginity on some girl who looked nice nor else you'll seriously regret it – she'll be after you like a she-wolf if she's the manipulative kind and also you do have responsibilities so you can't abandon her because you have to be an adult about these particular things.'

I stare at him, pause, then I open my mouth, ' I thought Dad was s'pposed to lecture me about this not a fossil like you!' I joked.

He took out his bamboo stick and hit me on the head, ' Your Dad, my son, is on an archeological dig so he can't show you skeletons and broken teapots and describe the phallic and fertility symbols 'cause that'll be slightly creepy. Akira's sex education is still on top form!' he hit me on the head again! Owww! ' You know I could be the Sex Ed teacher in your school!'

I rubbed my head and smirked, ' Won't that kinda make you a pervert?'

' Kai! Behave Yourself!' he smacked me again on the head with the boken.

' Ok, Ok,' I smiled, ' Thanks Grandpa.' Whatever he said was true; Thank God he was good and kind.

He patted my shoulder, ' Anything Grandson.' He winked.

' Hey Kai! There's Serena on the phone for you!' Tyson just sounded the alarms.

Grandpa winked and walked off as I wearily got to the living room. He was SO WRONG, Serena can't be the object of my affections! I know this sounds like denial but though I think about her twenty-four seventh I don't enjoy it and something feels HORRIBLY WRONG ABOUT IT! Anyone, please, walk up the emotional calculations!

' Hi.' Her voice was sexual alluring as recently I thought of it like that. I use to always get excited before that she called me, she being my friend and a girl, but now – umm, I don't know.

' Hi.' I say it casually, ' How are you doing?'

' Oh, I was bored, that's why I decided to call you…' her voice was melodic, ' You don't call me much anymore…' she wants an explanation. Shit.

' I just, guess I wasn't in the talking mood.' I told the truth subtly, after all, what was that was racing through my mind.

' Oh Kai…aren't you stoic.' She giggled and I felt a bit uncomfortable.

' Serena, if you think about anyone all the time but have a clash of emotions does that mean you love them?' it was out – GOD! I COULDN'T KEEP IT IN! IT WAS OUT THERE NOW!

' No Kai.' She sounded chirpy, ' It doesn't.'

' I almost saw you in a dream.' This conversation is getting weirder and weirder.

' What did you see Kai?' there was a naughty amusement.

' Well – there was a girl lying next to me, I think it was a model I once saw – then it turned into you and I jerked awake.' That was the truth.

' Oh.' She sounded truly disappointed. I could guess she knew that I didn't wanna be into her.

' Listen, you're sweet…' I began the apology, ' But, I, uh, I mean, I can't see us together. We are too different.'

'Opposites attract.' She uses the cliché as reason; our circumstances are way too out of that reach.

' Are you saying we should be together?' I was becoming nervous by the minute, ' Serena, I really don't think it should be… but I think about all the time and my feeling for you fluctuates, do you think that means I love you?'

' No.' it came out with a giggle, ' Maybe it's just desperation.'

' Maybe.' I sounded happy but inside me, something felt wrong. REALLY WRONG

After that I felt I was losing my mind. This wasn't good. I still thought of Serena ALL THE TIME and REPEATED THE SAME QUESTION all the time, ' So, like I still think about, all the time, does that mean I love you?'

' No.' with each giggle came more discomfort. Something was feeling out of place. I could not believe this was happening to me. I felt disorganized, disoriented and my mind was always in a struggle. I felt desperate to call Serena all the time, talking to her made me only feel half-good. I felt mentally unstable. It was happening for a month, me experiencing, asking the same "Does that mean I love you?" question and Serena always talking about sex with a new boyfriend. Though talking about sex was great when she broke up with him I hanged up with Tyson on the other line to hear about it:

' You hanged up with Tyson to talk to me?' there was an amused, secret pleasure, there.

Yes, I did. I was really interested in hearing about the break-up. Her stories were attractive to hear. But, something was wrong.

For the first time I couldn't make sense of anything.

* * *

I was slightly biting my fingernails. MingMing told me about something about a girl that I really didn't know and truth-be-told I wasn't paying attention. Mariah had excused herself to go to the bathroom and our pizza hadn't arrived yet. It's funny but MingMing and Mariah did make-up. They cared for one another. That's why they are friends.

' It's rude to ignore people!' Busted.

' I'm sorry MingMing but I don't know who this Yutaka girl…' I displayed my boredom, ' What's so special about this break-up you keep referring to?'

' Well, she claimed to hit the girl her boyfriend was cheating her with, with a brick…' MingMing delivered the shock, ' Her boyfriend was so scared he locked himself in the car, but the windows were down.'

' Don't tell me she threw the brick at him.' I think the bitch was nuts.

' No Hil she didn't – truthfully, I think she's lying. Serena Yutaka ain't much you know. She's a manipulative loser. I may be a promiscuous girl but she's a two-faced, domineering whore. I really don't know how Kai stands her.'

' You mean Kai Hiwatari?' I asked, ' Is she really his friend?'

' Yeah, his only constant female friend. If he empathizes with her or gives her sympathy I think he's falling into a trap.' MingMing stated.

I hated to admit it but the violent issue was interesting, 'Though it is interesting to hear things like this you don't really wanna stay long with this kind of psychopath.' There I confessed.

' Hiromi, Serena Yutaka isn't a psychopath, she's a weirdo, manipulative slut, if I were Kai Hiwatari, I would most definitely stay away. That girl's a liar and a cheat. I heard she spreads bad statements concerning Kai behind his back.'

' I think Kai should be informed,' I became indignant, 'No one should have a bitch like that as a friend! She sounds worse than Queen!'

' Queen?' MingMing looks at me.

' I'll tell you about her as soon as Mariah comes – uh, MingMing what's the matter?'

Her eyes were saucers. She almost stopped breathing. Then I heard the whisper:

' I hope I'm still the Breathless Obsidian you left behind Hiromi Tatibana…'

That voice.

I turned around.

It was Brooklyn Masefield Kingston.

It…was…really…him…

' Brooklyn…' I opened my mouth but it was silenced as he lunged forward and gave me a searing kiss.

He broke it off, ' I have yearned to that for a long time princess Hiromi,' then he stared, ' I apologize, but I really missed you Hiromi.'

I got out from my seat. This wasn't a dream. This was real. Brooklyn was right in front of me – ' Brooklyn…how…when…?'

As before I couldn't finish

He embraced me and I heard him sob!

' Hiromi, I missed you so damn much! Thank you God! I thought I would never see you again!'

* * *

Author's Notes: These proceeding chapters will have Kai/Hiromi interaction. I hope you liked this chapter.

* * *


	17. Lusts And Loves Divided

**OK DUE TO MY INTERNET BEING BUGGED DOWN FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS I WROTE TWO LENGTHY CHAPTERS (17 and 18) TO PICK UP THE PACE. MY DAD HAD TO NE HOSPITALIZED BUT HE'S OK NOW BUT THEY ARE GIVING HIS TWO-YEAR PROGRESS REPORT TOMORROW SO PRAY (HE HAD A BYPASS IN 2005) SO EVERYONE I WANNA SAY EID MUBARAK AND HAPPY DURGA PUJA!!!! THE MONTH OF RAMADHAN IS AT AN END AND EID AND DURGA PUJA WILL START SOON SO EVERYONE ENJOY IT AND LET ALLAH BLESS YOU ALL!!!!**

**P.S. My house is being renovated - my room is done, I had it coloured Raval, a sort of Royal Blue.**

**Well, Let's get on to what Kai and Hilary are up to!!!!**

* * *

**Tell Me Maybe I can forget  
XVII**

**Lusts and Loves Divided**

* * *

Disturbed; 

But Happy:

Such confusion means there was a problem.

I saw that smile of Brooklyn's and I felt both uneasy and calm. I didn't know what was wrong.

I touched my sensitive lobes – the place where he kissed. My heat remembered that though short it was sweet and the same time a torture. What could all of these feelings mean?

'You must be curious and mad about the kiss right?' he looked concerned, 'Hiromi…' he was nervous; with me he showed all rough edges, 'I just wanted you to feel that I…cared…'

' Well sudden kisses are astonishing.' I joked, ' But I don't mind really…though I guess I am a bit surprised by it. It's one of my first kisses so…'

' Was it good enough?' I notice how flirtatiously husky he used that sentence.

' Well I guess…' I say kinda platonically because I don't want to mislead him, ' You came back and so I'm very happy.'

' I'm not leaving soon this time, so, be very happy.' He informed jokingly.

' Brooklyn…'

' Yeah…?'

' Boris is up to something.'

' Yeah, naturally.' He sounded uncomfortable.

' I know you won't say, it'll jeopardize you.'

'No Hiromi, it's not that – I hardly wanna talk about Boris because in a way I'm enslaved to him. I know I can't tell you. You aren't related to the BBA but Tyson is and you know him and he's Boris's favourite brat.'

I smiled sadly, ' You are so…flexible…'

' I hope you meant that in a good way.' Brooklyn was a bit startled and a saw a tinge of despair.

Did I mean it in a good way?

No, maybe not.

When I was younger I was naïve. And sometimes naivety can be a dangerous thing. I had overlooked strongly that Brooklyn worked for someone who was notorious and he himself was no fairytale prince. Yet, now, the reality emerged. I know they say to love is to endure and many minds believe this in different ways. I had matured slightly in this aspect (As Tyson had once praised) because I saw so many people; interacted with them, sometimes you shouldn't, mustn't endure, nor else you'd most definitely hurt yourself. When I was younger and I heard this sort of confession I would consider myself wrong as many people would and anyone who made this sort of declaration was to be frowned at and deemed a selfish person but once you reach that point, you'll know it's true. There are some things you can't overlook. Even if you once loved someone you might fall out of it if they wound you too badly. This is a similar case. I don't want Brooklyn to hurt me because I know in some way he'll hurt himself too – he said to me once that my eyes show him reason. He would definitely take my scars as his own and feel their malicious onslaught.

' Brooklyn, ' I started answering, ' You are a beautiful person. You have honor and are just in your own way that is why you never betrayed Boris but you must stop now,' my eyes were a bit sharp, ' Boris will be stopped. I don't know him personally but he is considered an evil man. If he goes down you will too.'

' Don't point out things you don't understand.' Brooklyn almost was harsh as he edged on me this fact.

I was not gonna sit down for it; he had offended me, ' You are being cruel.'

He looked alarmed, 'Listen Hiromi I'm s-'

'Listen.' I told him both seriously and sincerely, 'I know that to many extents I won't understand. Your life has been a struggle, you never told me your past completely and I respect that wholeheartedly, you don't need to apologize. But, Brooklyn, what honor and pride are you trying to muster? You might have a great debt to Boris and he may be kind to some aspects but wholly he is a scoundrel. You know very well that everyone has flaws he is more bad than good. If he wanted to reform he would have but I don't see him growing a new leaf so why should you do this?'

Brooklyn looked dazed, ' It's because I don't know any other way…'

I slowly touched his shoulder, ' When I met you, I saw that there was a bitterness in you eyes. You still hate Boris but you as before are still hypnotized. You don't know any other way to express yourself; you are slowly growing more bitter…' then I said more softly, ' There was a determination I once saw. You wanted to change your life, but as I see, that flare is gone from you eyes…'

' Stop it.' He growled this.

I was shocked, ' What?'

' DON'T REMIND ME MY FLAWS! I'M SICK! I AM A FAILURE!' He was about to run away.

' Why are you giving up?' I seize him and he stopped, ' Brooklyn…' I uttered softly.

' Maybe, it's wrong.' Brooklyn was in a daze, ' I never understood completely, but then I realize I love it.'

I was scared, 'Love what?' my tongue was dry, and it was scalding cold as the tongue of the dead.

' The life that Boris has given me isn't so bad,' he got my attention now, ' He's my benefactor, my sort-of mentor, I think I love being important as I am to him. Elsewhere I am ignored, horribly scarred and scared. This is perfect for me Hilary.'

' When did you start calling me Hilary…?' he called me that only at some points, he didn't really appreciate Tyson's misconstrued nickname; actually, I was pointing out to him. This wasn't Brooklyn, this wasn't _my _Brooklyn. This wasn't the man I once loved and truthfully, I realized, that maybe I never loved him enough. But, what was wrong. Brooklyn was saying things he didn't mean – or did he mean them? This was so horrible.

' W-what?' Brooklyn looked shocked, he must have realized what he had been saying to me, ' I'm, a –' no excuse, his eyes, Tell me God Almighty, tell me they are my window, yes, I see a swirling thing there, it isn't the Brooklyn I know, maybe, the Brooklyn I knew was gone, ' Hiromi I…'

' You're gone…' I spoke softly. ' I think I knew this would happen. I think a part of me was mature enough to know. That is why I was so scared in falling in love with you. I think I knew that the Brooklyn I use to love will one day disappear. That you will lose – that you couldn't fight this drive in you, but I want you to know, I am disappointed,' tears welled up, ' Even if I didn't completely love you romantically anymore I still love you Brooklyn as my friend, as a great part in me. You have betrayed this connection. You have sold your soul to Boris!'

' No Hiromi Tatibana!' he looked more determined, ' You, are the one person, one woman, who can **see me!**' he grabbed my shoulders and shook me, ' Take those words back! Tell me you don't mean them!'

This was desperation.

' No, I can't take these words, **these meaningful** words back.' It was too late, ' This is the truth.'

He started sobbing, ' I thought you knew me.'

I looked angrily at him, ' Don't emotionally blackmail me!'

He looked tearful and hurtful, and mad, ' You think I'm playing games with you!'

' Maybe you are!' I snarled, ' Maybe sticking with Boris has made you as much as a virus as he is!'

' All this time I had only thought of you…' he sobbed, ' I fell almost in love with this girl called Kristen but she is not you Hiromi. She may know me Hiromi but she wasn't you…' he tries, struggles to explain, ' It broke my heart not to love her but I was doing her, everyday, thinking she was you…'

' What are you saying…?' I was so bewildered.

' That you are **life** Hiromi.' He confessed, ' For me you are everything. I know that they are other things but that's what they are _other things_.'

' Brooklyn, the **one I knew** wouldn't talk like this…' I was so startled I backed away from him as his eyes grew insanely, out of confusion, desperation, sadness, ' You wouldn't confess your love to me like this…' the sincerity in his eyes was genuine but not genuinely for love, this was **another language**, ' Brooklyn, you are…' I started crying, ' You've become…' it was breaking my heart, crushing my soul, ' You've become obsessed with me!'

He looked angry, ' You **think** this is obsession…?' dangerously, his eyes grew, tears stopped, ' You **think **I'm in no position to love you? You think I'm not **worth it**?'

Oh God Almighty this was not my Brooklyn, ' What are you saying…?' I repeated my bizarre fascination to his insanity, anxiety, thoughtlessness – he was approaching – this creature I didn't know was walking towards me.

He kissed me and I stood frozen. ' You know Hiromi-chan…' his eyes were still dilated, maniacally, ' You know me…'

In a moment I realized I did not wish to love Brooklyn anymore…not the old one I once loved, not this new one, **definitely **not this face either. Though, I knew it would take time. It would take a long while to fall out of love with Brooklyn. It would be very hard. Many people did not understand these things until they were older. I was only seventeen. I was too young for this. So, I did start crying. This was too much for me. The gravity ensnared me. But…giving in would be insane…it would lead to something I didn't know…something unimaginable in my part…but, it looked unpleasant…just like the thought of still holding on to Brooklyn, still loving Brooklyn, would be unpleasant. My feelings would now contradict, wage wars, wage something that was beyond my level of understanding. As I said I was only seventeen. Many people mature faster in these mental cases but I wasn't one of them…Still, I had to take this stand…

' No, Brooklyn-sama…' I said between the sobs, ' I don't know you!' no, I did, and I found him…unpleasant…

And I pushed away…

I ran…

With him howling like a werewolf…saying things I didn't pay attention to…God Almighty had just saved me. Though love is blind and we don't chose whom we love we actually do have a choice and the spectrum of the blindness depends on us wholly…I learned that today and God…that was life in a very true, concentrated form…our choice when taken rightly makes so much of everything…

* * *

I knew I was in love with Serena. 

But, it felt really wrong.

It was a man loving the cannibal of the jungle – the one trying to eat him.

I knew I was writing "I love Serena" but, it felt wrong.

I was feeling suffocated.

Something was wrong with me.

It felt I was hypnotized.

I could no longer properly concentrate on anything.

Maybe, I needed Serena.

I knew I needed her – maybe, for desperation, sex, and maybe, even love –

But my heart knew not, didn't know how to focus on her properly.

Serena was on my mind 24/7th and I was not appreciating it.

Yet a part of me wanted to be with her and it had taken months to know this.

I was getting quite frustrated.

It could be just sexuality.

I wasn't sure what it was but I know I was mesmerized by it.

It was wrong and I feel it was not mine – this love or whatever it was.

I was losing my mind – shuddered in my bed as my hips bucked imitating sexual movements or just shuddered as the overwhelming feeling of sexuality consumed me and I wanted to fuck really badly. But control and patience was the key to any success. Though it was considered wrong by peers to be a virgin for too long I thought it necessary. No one is really a loser if they're celibate. Sex was the sort of animal you had to be careful with.

Also Serena was mismatching words now. She once told me that if we dated it wouldn't work out, but just a few days ago she told me though I was a Beyblade-fan and she hated it she would still listen and indicated we might be a great couple if we dated. Funny, Serena never told me she was irritated about beyblade in fact she told me she really didn't dislike it though she wasn't a fan of it.

Still there was desperation to talk to her everyday. I couldn't live without talking to her and it was starting to bother me immensely. I did not understand why I had such feelings of such complex nature inside of me. I knew I didn't love Serena but then there was a voice and then I do love Serena poured into my mind when I wanted to say I love something or someone else. These inexplicable feelings were thwarting my happiness. My heart felt it was collapsing and I thought so much of Serena Yutaka it was driving me sick. I was not enjoying these feelings. I was only fifteen how am I supposed to understand such strong emotions or where or when they originated for and what made them born?

I was worn out and then when I tried to avoid Serena she would always call and I would repeat to her my unbearable symptoms and ask her if it was love and she spoke no but then went on telling how I was most handsome boy in the world and talked about another sexual experience.

Now, I was truly infused with uncertainties. I did not know who to turn to and basically I felt really alienated. I feared confessing to Tyson, Grandpa, Hitoshi or even Dad (who was away at the moment in his dig) about this phenomenon (it was weird enough to be one). The situation was very stern one indeed and Serena was not helping at all. She made me feel more numb in the sense on how easily she managed to integrate these _purposeful reasons_ on why we should date and be romantic. My mind was going haywire and I did not know where to turn to and I believe I was losing it. Serena says she doesn't love me but I am a part of her and that she has gotten the habit of calling me everyday now; I tell Serena I do not love her but she has become a part of me and that I have gotten the habit of calling her everyday now. Which one of us was lying? Did any of our words make any sense?

Despite my horrid, bizarre experiences I thanked the Almighty now because if God didn't write my fate in Balkov Abbey and with Voltaire would I be mature enough to know anything was wrong?

No, I wouldn't.

I would be another fifteen year old person who might have been introduced to the mainstream society of sex, drugs and alcohol and be stupid enough also to embrace most religiously the life of cliques no matter how pointless they are except to technically, or most commonly scientifically, find out the motives and psyche of certain people (that does make clique important in one way but it ain't the real world so it isn't that much of a thing to give a damn to).

However, because of my loneliness, I tend to get attracted to the prospect of girls admiring me, flirting with me or me flirting with them; flirting back at them as they to me, even when I had no intentions to be with that girl. I do it harmlessly, to make it a clear point that it was just hormonal stimulus and not anything deeper. I was a bit of an ass I guess but aren't we all a bit inclined to be a bit out of line? From what I know I never hurt anyone's feelings…even if I did it was unintentional to the sense I didn't know or wasn't thinking cautiously enough and I apologized sincerely. Now, there was that one moment where I knew I rejected her even when I flirted with her because though she was attractive she was definitely not THE ONE I was looking for. Though I might have offended her by not giving her a goodbye hug it was all for the best. I think I shouldn't have called her over to the New Year's party and then reject her proposal in being her boyfriend; then it must have been to hard to swallow food and follow me, her latest crush who turned her down. But, I always will love her. She was my friend though not many knew about this – a best friend in a way – and she was my second choice to call, I wanted to have fun. She came immediately with trembling hands and passionate warmth; I invited her over because I liked the idea she liked me and I was miserably alone. When she was helping me carry the things for the part she mouthed, ' I left all my other stuff to be with you didn't I?' – These lines made me realize my mistake. I shouldn't have called her. Not, on New Year's Day. Not, on the festive occasion. She had come hoping with an extent she would be with me, and, I couldn't give her that. Maybe, I haven't realized my mistake till now, because in actuality the lines encouraged me to ask her finally if she liked me. I did once and the day events led to this thing that I don't know how to express. It made me both unhappy, sad and then I felt mad at her for denying this. Maybe, it was her fault too. If she hadn't denied before maybe I may had not been too cruel. But what if it was no one's fault?

' Of course I do Kai, you're the closest to perfection one can find.'

I was honored by the compliment. It was something I knew very well with stick with me forever for it was coming from a good-hearted, kind person.

' I'm sorry but I love you a lot as my friend,' I looked at her melancholic eyes, ' If it ever changes my emotions I would definitely come to you.' I meant that from my heart.

Afterwards, we still flirted, me shamelessly excited that I had had an admirer all this time and she striving to forget my refusal. She had tried to kiss me in these events and after the party was over, attempted to get a hug from me.

I was frigid.

Afterwards, she was a little less communicative with me.

I understood.

This girl was MingMing.

Yes MingMing and I had this event between us.

We are still friends, we still beyblade but it will take time for us to get liberated from this event.

Was I facing this complex situation as a punishment because I hurt her?

' Why not give the girl a chance?' this was Serena's comment after she had heard the details.

Why was Serena always over-eager to get me hooked up with these girls?

' You know people like you are always wrong,' she was explaining to me, ' You wanna look for THE ONE but then what if you think you found her but she ain't the one. Because of the entire wait and because of your emotions you might become gay.'

NOW, ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS KNOW WHAT SHE SAID WAS BULLCRAP SO I SAID, ' I might get devastated, anyone would, but c'mon, you must be strong and carry on.'

Serena kept on telling crap to indirectly support her bizarre theory while she kept telling how right I was. I found this attitude so bizarre, why does Serena always want me to hook up with people? Why does she always tell me how gorgeous I am especially when we were discussing about sex in general or of her sexual escapades? Why does she always call me when I tell her about my weird symptoms towards her?

Why does Serena Yutaka do these things?

* * *

When I entered her room the presence indicated of death. The proper question should be death of _what_? I was beginning to realize that these months had had been hard for Hiromi…but, she hadn't spoken too clearly about it…no, actually she did but her restlessness made her ministrations, expressions and words feel dripped with confusion. So, maybe, in some way, she herself had felt too overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through her to express anything really solidified. But when she mentioned Brooklyn I was tempted to give that look, the "I know you were so in the wrong" look. Bitchy as it may seem I think I had subtly offered the fact that Brooklyn Masefield Kingston was too much of a person to deal with – _meaning_, the sort of person to stay away from. Youth and naivety may think this as a superior complex's statement or as people would deem me thinking I'm "a better-than-thou" thinking person, but, that was not the case. Brooklyn would hurt Hiromi. I smelled it in the air, it burned my nostrils like arsenic agents; but, I was weak enough on lacking the materials to explain to her. There are a few who will not change and Brooklyn felt like one of them – maybe, I was wrong about this but there was also something called illusion, you fall in love with something you wish to see, not, the actual thing. This is upsetting and it happens. It happens to many people. They deny that it was the mirage they loved. But in denial they realize that their love was wrong and/or they were wronged by it smartening them to a new, positive perceptive of being more sincere and seeing those few bastards for the way they were, so the denial isn't completely wrong in a sense. Now, _how can love be __**wrong**_? It isn't the love that's wrong but rather the sort of thing you were in; it was pseudo-love, more of the hapless erotica or some form of escape that was palely exerted. Brooklyn didn't seem like any boy/man Hiromi would love forever, there was a maybe there, but this maybe had too many doubts in it. Luckily, it was over – this fleeting love had been censored five months ago. 

' I should have known, ' Hiromi sobbed, the eyes were tear-laden buckets, ' I should have known I fell in love with an illusion.' So, she wasn't denying. This was great; in its own way.

' Hiromi, how were you to know that Brooklyn would learn to love his way of life?' I explained, ' Some things in some people are unpredictable. Actually all people are unpredictable at times,' I closed my eyes, ' Gives the people abandoning hope and cynics a reason to stay away from love.'

' Unpredictable or predictable, people need to love, it's a human need, an essential need,' Hiromi wiped her tears, ' **BUT**, I should have known MingMing. I should have known that **he was** **to be this way**. I should have been MORE **CAUTIOUS**.'

' That is true,' I gave her a tissue, ' That nowadays people do the most stupidest things because of mainstream fashion (I was in the same stupid flavor of things), like losing one's virginity at early ages, now the range of ten is even included, and then having older boyfriends or girlfriends just to be popular, the loosening of moral codes in being decent and being as skimpy as possible and letting guys or girls feel you up, doing drugs, alcohol, playing strip poker – the list continues on.'

' MingMing, have you ever loved anyone?' she asked me suddenly; I was caught off-guard.

' What…?' I looked incredulously, swallowing, gulping, my mouth semi-devoid of saliva as she poked it in with her eyes: the question was just as arsenic as the thoughts of Hiromi's old love. It made me uncomfortable to answer.

' Were you ever in love?'

' I heard it.' I almost snapped, it was too suffocating now, the rooms, the walls, the bookshelves stacked with fiction; non-fiction (Hiromi just recently organized them, she wasn't a neat person altogether and she read only when mood demanded it though she loved buying books in amounts; an semi-avid reader I suppose), her dresser scattered with some soft-hued lipsticks (she hardly wore makeup, that would change, that could change in the future?), her desk fluttered with a open book, an exercise copy, blank pages, ink pen; blue ink pen, open-capped, cap on the other posterior end of the pen, she had been doing math homework, leaving it when a frustrating problem, the problem on page 247 number 12. One difficult Vector Graph appeared – I had done that sum quite easily.

' I know you did,' Hiromi smiled wearily, ' That is why your face contorted.' Oh dear, ' That means,' she knew now, ' You are a victim of what is called "melancholic-love" am I right?'

I snickered angrily, ' "Melancholic-love" – there is such a thing possibly or maybe it is all a vestige of some emotion which is strong and concocted itself in our brains as love.' Some tears were needling my eyes as a thousand candles scorches the skin. I was becoming angry with myself. I had forgotten, though only some little moments flicker painfully across, a symptom of life I'm afraid: Yet, bearable and rewarding in its own way.

' I take it that the love story was incomplete?' she looked ponderously at me.

' The "Love-story" must only be a fictionalized story in this case.' I almost could see my physical self weeping as I looked straight at the long, shapely, ornate mirror at Hiromi's dresser; erected to an very nice height: my inner self felt the aged sting of betrayal, the tears were of melancholy and of relief, but that was what the tears would have been if they had fallen, it was a sad case this love, ' It was the most meaningful relationship I have had until now, I'm afraid I was too young to realize it then, sometimes when we are young we only see things without any real observation. I was immature then, the tender age of fourteen and he was twenty-one, a young, intelligent but amateur man who was my first manager.'

Hiromi looked agape, ' Was he your first love?'

' No, not my first, my first happened when I was six and he didn't like me,' I smiled, ' He liked the girl with the long pigtails which he could pull,' I giggled, ' My cropped hairstyle did not favor him and that was his most playful way of expression, also she was cuter to him and they both had made mud-castles together in a sync. I was not his type. You can't be everyone's type even if you are a physical beauty.' I expanded on this topic, ' This is a blessing from God Almighty because though you may love the idea of adoration, you may not love the idea of men you do not love devoting themselves to you unless of course you are the slutty-manipulative kind, it's too much of a hassle.' Then I came, to the exposure, of the gargantuan truth, 'He…he was the first man to see me…in my fleshy glory…me, uncensored, me nude. He was my first time. The first man I had made love with.'

Hiromi's eyes dilated, he was so stunned, her eyes swirled with the mass of a million questions but she asked one, ' What happened…?'

' It was kinda wrong to begin with…' I stated, ' I mean c'mon I was only fourteen and he was twenty-one, it was strange…but he did seem to love me a lot, and I him…but he was smarter, finer and mature than I was – which is expected from a twenty-one year old…' I slowly exhaled a breath, ' Afterwards I ended it. I think he deserved better and I believe he will find a more meaningful love, I will pray and I know God will give him that chance.'

' What **really** happened…?' that tone signified that she knew I was hiding some things; better reveal them.

' He demanded a lot from me, got easily frustrated from my naiveties, at that time I was more sensual than romantic, meaning I was more attracted than loving, or I guess I was. I wasn't mature enough and I could not perfectly dissect his mentality as my powers of observation were inhibited then.' I drew a breath, ' He got angry with me at times but he was a gentleman, he said he followed me home one day and that he had effortlessly spent so much to reach me to be my mentor, I don't call that directly stalking someone or stalking purely in general, Now, I'm older and maybe I am in this threshold that I can understand him, give me what he desires and thus he too will learn and see the true me and give me what I desire. My heart sometimes pines for him but at other times is irritated by him. I know deep down these emotions means I did love him but I never loved him enough to be with him. Though he left to go and do better jobs as he is a Harvard Business School graduate and highly intelligent I tell him both soothingly and roughly how I do not understand our love anymore, that maybe, it was envisioned love all along and I have also chastised him that maybe he might not be in love with me anymore and that he wasn't sure about his feelings. I think I realized that I was being cruel to him but he said once, maybe, out of desperation, I'm not sure, that "I don't want you to be my girlfriend or my wife MingMing but I just want you to be there in my life…" I really understood then that maybe he did love me but maybe his love was not enough, or maybe he just loved the idea of being with me so, I told him my last theory that how he might just love to be with me. He didn't answer but wrote me a email that he still loves me. I realize that I have to let go. I don't think I'll ever be sure about being with him or sure how far my love for him go: but I know this, that not all strong emotions could be love enough so one must be careful, also this love though bittersweet taught me the meanings of a lot of things, so I'm happy it happened. It allows me to differentiate my feelings, who I really love or not. So, now you know Hiromi. You are one of the first people who do, who I have told this too.'

Hiromi was rapt attention. She had been my best friend, or had she? This was going through her head because the proximity of a "best friend" demands that one should know these things of the best friend in question. But, she was my best friend. Sometimes a close acquaintance knows something about you than your best friend but that is because of Faith's game of circumstance – I had to assure Hiromi Tatibana my feelings.

' Hiromi, I'm sorry that all these years we've known each other I had not told you about this…' I exhaled a sigh, ' But I guess it is that personal need that people have to keep secrets that made me do this, and well shame, this secret was hard to keep, it tore my insides; but,' I smiled at her, ' I feel so feathery now, I think I grew a pair of angel wings.'

' I understand…' Hiromi gave a golden flash of her most sincere smile, ' If I was younger, I would have felt disappointed that you didn't tell me this but I know now that things like this aren't easy to say but if we tell them when we are required to, at the right moment and come out clean beforehand all is well,' then she slowly punched my shoulder, ' Besides, I hadn't told you all between me and Brooklyn.'

' I know you are a virgin and that all you have done with him is well kiss, which is one of the brightest thing a kid of our messed up generation can do…' I looked a bit questionably, ' But maybe there is something you wanna speak more.'

' There is something a vision by Zeus…'

' Zeus…The bitbeast that Brooklyn handles?'

Hiromi told me how Brooklyn's desires for her was shown to her in a vision by Zeus, the loyal bitbeast of Kingston, who betrayed him in this instance and revealed Brooklyn's want of Hiromi. I had expected these fantasies from that boy for he was keen on Hiromi but my friend was disturbed as a fifteen year old can be and projected her concerns. She was afraid Brooklyn would do wrongs to himself if she distanced herself from him.

' That should be not be your concern…' I examined and told her the truth, ' You should be your own concern.' I detailed the plan, the course of necessary action, ' You see Hiromi now that you know that your love was an illusionary face, it won't be a joyride but, you will and you must and you automatically will fall out of this phase.' I sternly looked at her, ' You will have to wash off those emotions you have chosen to leave. Like the past they will become a memory.'

She looked hesitantly, ' What if I start think Brooklyn is my true love and that I am meant to be with.' She was about to cry, ' What if I fail?'

' That is a thought you will have like a thousand needles raping your mind.' I explained truthfully, ' But believe me girl, you may think you're worthless, ugly, not significant enough and possess the lowest self-esteem on the planet yet if need be we change for the greater good to provide a sanctuary for ourselves; so that we don't get hurt and our friends don't either, of course you must first identify who your real friends are and who are using you, this change can happen if one wills it and this is a natural gift, an innate instinct God had given us to possess the strength to march forwards to the war we need to fight and surely we will win if we believe in God and ourselves.'

' Easy for you to say,' she looked hapless and slightly ill at me, ' You're MingMing, the superstar.'

' Was I always a singer,' I chastised her angrily, ' Didn't I reveal to you my bruise, my lost innocence!'

She hesitated as she saw me angry, ' MingMing I'm sorry I-'

' No excuses!' I yelled making her jump, ' Hiromi, when I was younger you knew no one cared about me, I was the outcast, now, as you said I'm MingMing. There is a reward in this struggle we face. So please don't lie in inferiority complex! Beautiful or not, thin or not – we all are our own human beings we must fight to protect that!'

Hiromi looked determined, ' You're right,' she smiled tearfully, ' There will be a lot of bizarre thoughts in my brain, I will think of Brooklyn constantly and maybe saying I love him will ease my pain in my heart but, I know, that that was just a force of habit, I've been in this illusion of love so long that I will suffer but if I just keep hope in God and in myself, keep hope in everything around me I'll make it. I know every bit of romantic item will incite me into thinking of Brooklyn, registering that I love him; it will make me think like that. But, I have turned away from him so, I know – I know, that deep inside, though how strongly it, this illusion of love, will be on the surface, deep down it is not true so I have chosen to breakaway from this bond and I was sever the illusion I shared for Brooklyn but still, I know, if he can be saved, I will take a part in it.'

' You have face some of the symptoms you described, thinking profusely and naggingly on Brooklyn?' I inquired.

' Yes, but I do wish to know what has happened to him…'

' I believe we will know soon enough.'

In this great conversation with Hiromi about her love life…I didn't mention my encounter…

Boris had called…

By the looks of it, he has finally has his dream BEGA

He wants me to join his sick-twisted schemes again…

This time the battle will be the most crucial…the most intense…

Hopefully, Truthfully, I think this will be the final face-off

Kai, you'll need us…you'll need Hiromi too…

Will we all be able to fight off the insidious power of BEGA?

* * *

' Go Drigger do Gatlin Onslaught Forlorn Limit!' 

' Go Draciel Do Gravity Infinity Nova!'

I was actually bored.

How odd was that?

This was a Beybattle like a REALLY GOOD ONE and here I am dozing off.

' Hey check this out! Max's Draciel's defensive quality is the best! Though Aggressive overdrive is strictly confined to surprise maneuvers in this battle…' the glasses glinted light off to my eyes, ' I think this is enough for the statistics, I wish Dizzy was here, she's very informative bitbeast, I would like to see her analyze this Nova move of Draciel's.'

' That's Gravity Infinity Nova…' I mumbled, I think I heard that one right.

' Oh yes…' Kenny seems so faraway, ' TYSON YOU'RE SLEEPING AT SUCH AN EXCITING BEYBATTLE!'

I think I jumped out of my seat.

' KENNY!'

Before, I could say it, too voices collided.

I noticed after I rubbed my eyes of sleep that both Rei and Max looked annoyingly, the sudden outburst must have made them lose their stepping. Though one is used to loud distractions it could be safe to say that one is still human and one can still be surprised.

Rei then glared at me and I actually gulped seeing those cat-eyes turn like meteorites crashing on, ' Tyson, I didn't know my stratagem is so boring you are gonna diss my battle.'

' Cool it Rei I'm sorry, ' I sincerely said it, ' You know me, you know I'm not a putz like that though I was in my earlier teens, I'm twenty-two years old now…'

Rei calmed and apologized, ' I'm sorry Tyson but Max here is REALLY good, that was one of my best attacks.'

' I wasn't backing off Rei, you're really cool – Tyson maybe we can a battle sometime soon though I heard you're almost a retired Blader?' this blonde cute boy told me sincerely. He looked younger than Kai.

' Yeah sure man, no prob…' I looked at him straight in the eye, ' Are you twelve?'

He looked aghast, ' No fourteen.' He then looked sad, ' Does that mean that the girls will think I'm too skinny?!'

He seemed to be pointing at me this question, I blinked oddly, ' Uh, you are a little too young to be in a serious relationship…' I told the painful truth.

He folded his arms, ' You can't be too young to LOVE.' He had his eyes closed and serious pout on his face – he looked way cuter than Kai did when he was stubborn. It was funny but at times I saw Kids his age like my brother who I loved and cared about…I was worried about Kai…that is why I was relating his gestures to Max…Kai hasn't really been himself…He is so tensed…I thought it was because of Hiro's secret exploration of his relations with Zagarth but now I'm not sure…

' Actually, you can be so don't believe everything you see on TV, play in videogames or read in fiction. They are 50 true and 50 false in that sort of information!' I decided to back my statement up…I felt I was talking to Kai…we haven't conversed in a while…He had deeply buried himself in a newer shell…

' I bet you are gonna say you're old enough to love!' he charged at me and I blinked oddly and stared; I saw from the corner of my vision Rei and Kenny curiously looking at me, both dazzled at Max's "Love Fix" and anticipating my answer.

' No.' I told the truth, ' I'm not perceptive enough to love anyone yet…I'll find out the person if I look hard enough and listen to both my body and my soul, not them separately, or the extremes of my body or the extremes of my soul alone…' I then looked intensely, ' So, your enthusiasm suggests you mostly _**think **_with _**this**_ but don't, it ain't gonna lead you to the right lady.' I had pointed at my pants where a certain male treasure was hid.

Kenny blushed like a woman wearing make-up deeply for a masked ball and Rei laughed his wits off but Max puffed, ' I don't only think with my _dick_ Thank-you though **I am not a virgin**!'

If I was drinking some beverage I know I would spill it out, Rei stopped laughing and became mute and Kenny dropped his laptop on his feet and yelped for the pain then went down and gripped his right foot where the bulk of his most treasured electronic gadget landed and rubbed the wounded area though I was agape after this statement I noticed the reaction of the others. Max was only fourteen…fourteen and sexually exposed…this was a…not a new phenomenon…but he looked like the type who umm…didn't…fuck around…the word FUCK was a label in my brain…

' Why are you guys staring?!' Max looked fearful at out enlarged expressions, ' I mean…many boys do it…umm…I mean you guys are experienced as well…' he looked at our numb expressions then stared, ' Aren't you?'

No, not one among the three of the friends has had a sexual encounter. Though masturbation ain't right I guess amongst them I have the highest record; it ain't a right thing to do or be proud of it but that was the truth. Masturbation can lead to a certain degree of weirdness if persisted for abnormally long periods, hell so can promiscuous behaviour, the best is to be restrained, limited and even be celibate – though people nowadays would consider that boring, old fashioned and guys will call it gay; but, if you examine it, it wasn't.

' No.' Kenny spoke, ' I'm not experienced and…' he gazed at me (I was quite calm) and then at Rei (who looked embarrassed), ' …I think I speak for all of us here…' he giggles, ' Yeah, we are all like this…I am yeah we are all virgins…' he giggles again, he is sweating profusely now.

' Gee man are you guys from the dark ages!' Max looked infuriated, ' I mean what are you waiting for to be cast next in line for the sequel of _**The 40 Year Old Virgin**_!'

Kenny blushed, Rei gulped (obviously, he wasn't really secure about this new fact, actually it was all a bull-crap) I stared at the naïve, immature Max Mizuhara, ' The Dark Ages was a breeding ground of perversion and disease.' I stare at him more intently, ' I don't any of us will vouch that we come from the era.'

' Oh really…' he looked more confident now, as if he won a freaking contest, ' How can you be so sure,' he looked at me almost repulsed, ' You're twenty-two and you are a virgin!' He looked questionably, ' Are you gay?'

Kenny swallowed and Rei looked a bit livid now. Me, I grabbed Mizuhara's shirt collar, ' What makes you think I'm gay Kid and what does being a virgin have to do with homosexuality?' I released him as I saw the fear in his eyes, ' It's hormonally crazy, ignorant, punk-kids like you fucking up society nowadays!'

Max looked annoyed. There was something in his eyes…rage, or despair? Where did despair come from? ' Well, I was only surprised,' he sounded apologetic, ' I mean,' he was really sorry, ' I'm sorry but,' he looked up ponderously, ' You're Tyson Kinomiya and that guy is Rei Kon…girls are crazy about you and…well Kenny Kinomoto isn't far behind in you guys' leagues so, how come?' he looked at the situation as if he knew nothing, 'Geez, you guys' way of thinking is way outta my league…' he chuckled, ' I'm hungry for steak and true love!'

We all blinked: Max Mizuhara was one odd yet interesting kid. I decided to take up on his offer and go to the local stake-house me and Kai usually go to curb those cravings for the high-balanced proteins – LOL – more like my ferocious longings for my meaty soulmate, ok, that didn't sound right…

' Tyson!' that annoying voice belonged to someone I knew.

' Hey Daichi…' I gritted my teeth, ' Whatcha doin' here?'

I rubbed the guy's hair and he instantaneously removed my hand, ' STOP BEING A PRICK – umm, who's this guy?' he surveyed Max, who was two inches taller than him.

' This is Max Mizuhara, he lives in New York with his mother, he is a member of the American Beyblade team the All Stars and…he is gifted Beyblader and **only fourteen**…' I accentuated the little fact to irritate him: Though they were the same age.

He looked at Max and said melancholically, ' God must really hate me…' it was due to his height.

We all started chuckling but Max encouraged him, ' You know I just started growing, I mean I was much shorter than all my peers, some people take a little longer to get an average height.'

' How tall are you?' he looked quizzically at Max.

' I'm five foot five…' Max smiled, ' You must be…'

' Five feet, actually five foot one I think…Kenny is an inch shorter than you…' Daichi referred to the heights of both Kenny and Max.

' Well, I'm not obsessed about height!' Kenny spoke out; he felt a prickling bit of envy at Max's exceeding height – though he really didn't make a big deal of height it just bothered him now that Daichi outrageously pointed it out. Don't count Sumeragi to be refined.

' Well, yeah 'cause all your girlfriends are digitally composed polygonal software!' Daichi snickered.

Everyone grew silent. That wasn't a clean joke to put out on the table. Daichi's grin slipped as he noticed how silent Kenny had become. I looked at Daichi disapprovingly and he looked miserable. Sometimes we arrogantly say things we shouldn't and arrogance is a sin we should never possess. What was Daichi's arrogance here one might ask? It was the fact he thought himself better than Kenny in a childish notion to comfort himself for his short height. You can't blow out your anger on just anyone.

' I'm hungry let's please go and eat.' Kenny stared grimly at everyone and avoided eye-contact with Daichi.

' I think I should leave…' Daichi slightly kicked the ground and gazed at the cemented pavement where we were standing.

' Well said…you should leave.' Rei angrily eyed Daichi as he looked helplessly at the older boy.

' Dude, that was a cold blow.' Max walked ahead with Kenny; obviously, this first impression did not work wonders on his instincts.

' Daichi, I know you didn't mean to say that to Kenny –'

' Though he said it.' Rei glared as he interrupted me.

' As I was saying,' I eyed Rei telling him with my gesture to calm down which he got as he now looked more softly at Daichi, ' I don't know why you said it but –'

' It slipped out!' Daichi actually looked like he was going to cry, ' I was just…I thought…it was a good enough joke…but I don't know what came over me…I-'

' You're still young, so learn from your mistakes,' I consoled, ' You can't make these sort of mistakes as you mature.'

' Daichi, you're angry about something…aren't you…?' Rei noticed his expressions, ' You look, I don't know…it's not like you to well…say such cruel things.' Rei must have totally forgiven Daichi, though his anger was temporary it was the kind that was instructive and jest.

' A lot has been on my mind lately.' Daichi was almost whispering. Something was really wrong.

' What is it…?' I almost got out of breath. This seemed serious.

' I heard some things, some nasty things, ' Daichi looked intently at me and Rei, ' Some things about Boris Valkov from Mr. Dickenson…'

' Boris?' Rei looked alert.

' Daichi what did you hear?' I was now gripped with adrenalin.

' Boris came back to Japan…' Daichi informed, ' A few months back. I found out just recently.'

' WHAT?!" Both Rei and I were in unison.

' Yes, Mr. Dickenson didn't tell anyone,' Daichi looked fearful, ' He was hiding it,' Daichi looked concerned, ' I've never faced Valkov like you guys but I heard he was a notorious criminal who used Beyblading as a front. So, when I found out by accident in Mr. Dickenson's office, when he was talking on the phone with this woman called Judy Mizuhara I was so shocked. Mr. Dickenson said then that if I was going to tell you people anything and I screamed "Yes" and I ran out.'

' Mr. Dickenson…how could he…? I mean this is serious…'

' When did this happen Daichi?' Rei's question sort of pulled me out of the shock.

' About a day ago.' Daichi was intense, ' I don't know, guys, what does this mean?' he was searching for an answer in us.

' It means we storm the BBA and find out what Chairman Dickenson has been hiding from us!' I growled.

Rei was furious too, ' We need to gather some of our friends and go immediately!' he paused considering Daichi, ' We all must go Dai, we all must go and see to it that this is explained to us!'

I remembered Hiro's confession. I remembered Zagarth. I realized now that these occurrences are more active than expected.

' Tyson,' Daichi spoke softly, ' I kinda…' he stuttered, ' I kinda found out something else…something really big…'

I saw his anxiety, ' What is it…? What's wrong…?'

He looked down on the ground, ' Whether you agree or not I think it's ok if Rei knows…'

I think I knew it would happen; this moment, Dickenson knew so, he was in the office – I nodded an approving gesture, ' Go on ahead.'

He looked deep and then the impact, ' How long has Kai been going to the psychologist?'

* * *

The night was cold. 

I did not like it.

It had rained.

I had become wet in it.

I hadn't caught a cold –but my heart trembled with a dozen emotions. I was a disgusting soup made of wrong ingredients – hate, sexuality, loneliness, love, sadness, pain, betrayal, sincerity, faithfulness, illusion – which one of these described Serena Yutaka, which one…?

I had gone to the psychologist. She was my reason to such a horrid crisis but when I said "my reason" I felt beautiful warmth, one like love, spreading over, like warm butter on toast. I guess because I could finally admit it that at one point I fell almost in love with her and now when I want to say "I love Serena" my eyes lose focus, I lose my grip on my body and feel both delusional and nausea. It wasn't true love.

Serena Yutaka manipulated me.

I had cried. She was my friend. But to her I was another piece of ass she wanted to fuck. She dared to go that far. She knew my past, my loneliness; so she knew if she played her cards right with my emotions, she would finally have sex with me. Any regular stereotypical guy (or as people might perceive) would think this an honor (even initially I thought so) but I ain't a wind-up shitty ass toy for some **NO GOOD WHORE!!!!**

Good thing she didn't succeed. Though afterwards our so called "friendship" was over I pined long and hard many a times to call her. I yearned to but I stopped myself. I have to because the "love" she gave me wasn't real and I knew I had to protect myself, I had to protect myself and be away from such a slut. I didn't wanna have sex with her but she dug so deep into my mind with her tyrannical bull-crap that MANY TIMES, numerous times, I saw myself basking in sex with her and "enjoying" it – it was definitely confusion and it was only the affliction of mind and body – there was no soul to it, hence, not TRUE LOVE at all. But, even as I say this I have doubts – before these doubts would scare me, haunt me, make me think Serena Yutaka was my real love but it does not do so anymore, well not so frequently. I know these doubts are there because of the scars she inflicted on me.

I know that the pain in my heart signifies a strong emotion calculated product of her mind-bending ways and it was not love. I believe in myself, I believe in God's mercy, you will have to believe in yourself and God when these, to say for the lack of the better word, Armageddon-like debaucheries come your way. It's the only way to make those wounds fade. The only way to find peace and start from a good new point: What doesn't kill you does make you stronger – I lay incompetent to describe the wars I had to wage against my tumultuous emotions due to Serena Yutaka. _**MAY GOD PUNISH THAT WENCH FOR HER RUTHLESS HEARTLESSNESS!!!!**_

' The store is almost closing…' that sweet feminine voice drafted to me, I shivered with fear, lately I thought Serena's voice was attractive due to her blackmail. But, a few seconds later I realized it wasn't Serena's voice. I knew now she was looking at me, gazing, deeply, did she understand? ' I see you are walking in a reverie…'

' Are you walking in it too?' I asked, not knowing anything anymore…I realized I only knew her superficially…

' I s'ppose, I think I want to go in and buy soda, and those packet-noodles and I know that I will buy some Mars Bars,' she seemed so sad, ' Chocolate does wonders for the wounded.'

' But, is that good?' I referred to her "chocolate-therapy", ' To eat Mars-Bars till there's no tomorrow?'

_Maybe, I always wanted to love Serena, maybe I am really in love with her, yes maybe she is my true love_, there my heart palpitates, _Get a grip Kai, you will have thoughts like this roaming around you for a while, Serena has blackmailed you bad. They will give you a temporary relief to your soul but that's just shows how badly wounded you were. When you said "I love Serena" out loud it didn't completely feel right nor did it feel right when you were telling it to her – __**as a test**__, how stupid could I have been – you definitely need to grow up, if you accidentally did almost fall in love with her temporarily it was okay as it was a mistake. Everyone does mistakes even that Howard Hughes did too so don't sweat on it too much. _

' I don't know…sometimes I feel I loved him, sometimes I don't…' she mumbled, ' It seems so hard. Love isn't as easy as people think it is.'

' I guess it's both simple and hard, I know, that crises make us think there is no true love…but, I know there has to be…'

' You're wrong Kai Hiwatari! There's no such thing!' she started crying, ' Why did my love for Brooklyn need be a lie?! Why not someone else?! Why not real love?!'

' Regretting doesn't separate fact from fiction.' I too started crying, ' I learned that the hard way too Hiromi Tatibana…but you can't give up hope…'

She looked at me. This personal conversation between us too; weren't we supposed to be strangers?

' Kai I wanna eat noodles…'

' Me too…'

' Let's go to my place…my parents wouldn't mind if you hung out a bit…'

' Let's rent a DVD too, I wanna see _Order Of The Phoenix_ or _Transformers: The Movie_, your pick…'

' Let's just watch them both, is that ok…'

' Should I stay over…?'

' You can sleep in the living room couch…'

' Ok, I'll call Tyson that I'm staying over.'

' MingMing can come along…she likes hanging out…she might bring pizza…'

' Sure, Let's go and stuff our faces…though that's Tyson's job…'

' A night to mend our worries with good company.'

' Indeed, Hiromi-chan thanks.'

' Kai, I liked seeing you cry.'

' Oh…?'

' It's nice to know that you wanna keep faith too despite the odds, despite if it was real love or not, we both want it gone so – I'm happy we were both alike in this sense.'

' Are you really happy?'

' Yes, I'm happy, we can connect this way, aside Beyblading.'

We smile.

* * *


	18. Emotive Crises

**

* * *

Tell Me Maybe I Can Forget  
XVIII**

**Emotive Crises**

* * *

I hadn't eaten chocolate in a while. It made me too hyper. I had been eating chocolate. To dab away the pain of that Serena Yutaka, I looked at Hiromi Tatibana; she looked forlorn as well. She pouted for a long while, obviously, thinking of something interesting to say. 

' Why do people betray one another…?'

That was a good question, ' I don't know.' So, I obviously didn't know a good answer. I paused, ' Do you feel betrayed by Brooklyn?'

' Slightly,' she mused, ' It's my fault, falling in love with the wrong person – and you?' she asked pointedly, ' Do you feel betrayed?'

' Yes,' I whispered, then spoke with confidence, ' But not out of the purpose of love.'

' Have you ever considered the fact, that you were in denial…?' she stared at me sharply, giving me the "I want the truth" look.

' Obviously…' I stated, ' This experience has rendered me hopelessly dumb for a while…' I chuckled, though there was not much "funny" to the whole affair, ' I know I was falling for Serena but it was the smell, the foul stench of her illusions, her tactics – it was because that so called "love" was a psychological malfunction; not love but –'

' Poison.' She got my message.

I smiled wistfully and wearily, ' I guess you know how that feels. But my wounded heart denied that I was falling into her trap, like a fish struggling in the fisherman's net refusing to accept death though the air from his gills are gone – when, one is in pain they are stubborn. I forgot that I had heard learned this when I was little, when I lost that race to Tala and sat down to cry in a far corner elsewhere. Tala was shocked, possibly at my weakness – the curiosity to know what his feelings were has waned.'

There was a slight "hmm" noise from Hiromi, as if she was about to say something, I did not understand. I was in my reverie so I couldn't catch her expression, ' You have experienced enough,' she spoke, was these her "hmm" feelings? ' Or is it the _ego_ that you know all that is to know?'

I smiled more cheerfully now, ' Possibly **both**,' I laughed, ' I'm only fifteen, I should have that boisterous, _**childish ego**_ that I know everything.'

' It is called naivety.' She nibbled her chocolate bar lecturing-like.

I was a bit annoyed, ' Only an **extract **of naivety,' I wasn't that ill-experienced,  
' I do know some things.'

' Yes,' she chuckled now, ' Our rebellious young minds coax us too.'

Was it sarcasm…this sentence? Yes, I'm afraid it was. I looked unsteadily. This wasn't an argument on mature topics of psychology. Hell, I was only fifteen. I could not reach her league of understanding…not yet…but I will…I am determined…

' Do you think you know more?' not a challenge, just a pathway.

' Maybe,' then she pierced the stunning statement, ' more than you, yes.'

' You seem like a cocky man, who knows he can please –' I was angry, was she mocking me?

' His mistress?' she questioned; finishing my sentence. ' Kai, this chance, this moment, we have proven, we are both fools, no?'

' Fools…' I looked, ' I am a Grade eight student…' I feebly stated though with some excitement, ' I'm supposed to know what you are talking about.'

I am a fool.

' This bruise brought on about, our,' she intensified it, ' Illusionary loves has haunted us. We have shrieked, shuddered, gasped, cried, howled, banged our heads against stuff (mildly as to not make our heads crack like eggs and do any damage whatsoever) to understand our hysteria which had so many emotions as sex, hate and anger that it was disease of so many spasms. And though the afflictions aren't completely gone we have survived the big bout of the illness.' Then she stared at me, ' How did we do that Kai Hiwatari?'

' _**Regularly intensely praying to God Almighty, Belief in family and friends for their support, belief in my psychologist and ofcourse belief in my self…**_' I said it as it was _**the divine truth**_ Without these I would cave into those needles inserted by Yutaka and call her, tell her I "love" her – give her what she wanted. But, now a big part of me knows it was fabrication, though it still haunts and some of these fits I faced in the struggle to forget her treachery like tossing and turning in bed, thinking I love her and pining for her come back it was only temporary and it didn't bother me that much. I know my wound would take time to heal but it would and…I was gonna be patient…I knew it was going to pay off.

' Exactly…' Hiromi smiled but then with a bittersweet tinge spoke, ' I feel I don't know anymore the concept of real love …but I have not given up on it…I know, I know, the concept is still in me as I keep on hope, God Almighty will give it back to me when the time is right…'

' Yes, To **both of us**…' I stirred our renewed stamina, these few months, may seem few in number but it felt more like years, ' MingMing hadn't shown up..'

' No, she was too tired to watch movies.' Hiromi informed.

' I see,' I looked a bit intently at her, ' I did not know Brooklyn was back…'

' You didn't!' she looked astounded.

' Mr. Dickenson didn't inform us,' I muttered, ' By the terribly secretive manner Tyson was talking I think he found out just about some moments ago as well.'

' How…do you know…?' Hiromi fazed out and then strongly uttered, ' How do you know…he didn't know…how can you be so sure…he has been hiding it from you…that could be it…'

I confidently revealed, ' Because…' I slightly gave a silence to feel the surge, ' He's my brother and I know him…he isn't the one to lie and keep secrets…' I then added regrettably, ' It's mostly me who does the secretive things, and, there's always Hiro.'

' Hiro…' she softly brought it, ' You seem _disappointed_ in your other brother…'

' Oh, did I sound it…' I was surprised, then I felt my eyelids flutter in melancholy, ' Maybe, I am, disappointed, but he isn't that much of a bad guy. He isn't a villain. But, because of Serena I have bizarre feelings and that interferes with my emotions. I feel I shouldn't trust him.'

Hiromi touched my shoulder and smiled, ' You said you knew your brother,' then her smile brightened, ' I think that adds Hiro to the perceptive.'

I touched her hand, ' You are so full of answers…'

' No, I am only beginning to answer them as you are…' she didn't take her hand away…wait! I'm touching her hand!

I let it away before my blush was ever prominent like blood in an abattoir, ' But Hil, ' I used an abbreviation to her misconstrued "pet-name" ' Why does life become so difficult…?'

' I only know…that it does…but, with the right mind and/or with the right friends…we'll see through…God made it that way…' she sincerely patted my back.

' Grandpa told me to learn to take disappointments in life.' I remembered, ' I think he was right.'

' To learn,' she repeated, ' Sorrow is a way to knowledge,' she smiled as if she had an epiphany, ' to learn such things will lead to happiness.' So, it was a vital epiphany.

' I agree.' I slowly, drowsily, muttered, ' I believe we need a bed…'

' What?!'

I jerked out of the daze, ' I meant I want to go to bed!' I blushed, ' Please, don't think-'

She laughed, ' Yes, I'm sorry…' she blushed as well, ' Yes, it's late.'

' It's a school-night…' I looked at the midnight indication, ' Hiromi, when is your results coming out?'

' August 28th.' She looked fearfully, ' My O' Levels did not go so well,' she looked glum, ' I think I might need to repeat mathematics.'

' Are you trying to take A Level Math?'

' Yes, Kai, pray for me, tell God to bless us both.'

' I will.' I made my couch bed, ' I'll also pray to God that we get pancakes for breakfast tomorrow…' I joked slightly and meant it too…yummy…yummy pancakes…to make Hil's mood good…I hope **My Creator answers that prayer**…

She laughed, ' Pancakes it is. My parents like them too…' we both laughed.

This was fun.

After Serena's atrocity I loved hanging out with Kenny, Tyson, Rei, MingMing and the rest. It helps me through my sadness. Though my education was hampered initially with the vicious battles in my head on the "love" Serena thing, writing it down, speaking it out loud – a man obsessed by being possessed by poison – but it was fading.

Misery does love company.

* * *

I punched him right in the face. 

Blood bathed my skin, my cheek, from his mouth.

' Kai is going to a psychologist! A shrink! How can – you people are worthless!'

' You have no right to interfere…' he snarled, ' You are worthless too! I haven't seen you in his life! Tala Ivanov!'

' **That's enough both of you!**' Hitoshi Kinomiya screamed and I started crying.

' I though Kai could count on me…' I was in agony, ' I am worthless.'

' Settle down Ivanov,' Tyson growled, ' We don't need a cry-baby!'

I lunged at him and he punched me on the face.

Blood spurted.

Now, it stained his cheek.

' STOP! YOU BOYS HAVE GONE BONKERS!'

We looked at Mr. Charlie Dickenson astonished.

' BONKERS! WHAT ARE BOTH OF YOU DOING?!'

' You can't ask questions here Chairman!' I heard Tyson yell, ' It's me who is asking around what needs to be asked!'

' Tyson, you can't talk to Mr. Dickenson in such a way…' I heard a voice pleadingly registering this fact.

' FUCK YOU KENNY!' I heard him respond, ' Brooklyn, Boris – those guys they are here! Boris is here! Why didn't you tell us…?!'

' Tyson please stop –'

' Did you know Hiro?!' I heard Tyson accusing his brother, ' Did you know about this?!'

I had my face buried…I couldn't protect Kai...all this time…he has been suffering…I was supposed to be his friend…the abbey…in the abbey, in the abbey he had requested…that I be his friend…what happened…what…

' Tyson, I did know, Mr. Dickenson, Mr. Dickenson told me –'

' You are a FUCKING SOB You know Hiro!'

' Tyson, I –'

' Just because you are smarter than me does not give you the right to keep all this secrets!'

' Tyson stop, please, I –'

' Stop, and you…' I felt the anger, ' You are a worthless BBA chairman you know that!'

' Tyson!' I head Kenny squeak.

There was a silence in the room. I was still crying. I knew the Tyson was thick and savage as wildfire but how was I supposed to concentrate? Kai…Kai was bleeding…it may be a personification but…Kai needed me…How can I be so cruel, so selfish…for me Kai is suffering…how can Kai be so hurt?…I feel so numb…my mind is so distant…

' Tala, Tala, please get up…'

' I don't wanna…' I sobbed.

' Please Tyson, keep him up – he will need to…I need to talk to all off you…'

I felt my eyes open but I wasn't seeing anything. I knew I had Tyson supporting me. I heard him tell me things like "buddy" and "sorry" what did those words mean?

I remember smelling polished wood. Are we in a forest…? No, I've been in a forest before…the wood there is dry and damp but all so wholeheartedly comforting…I've been in a forest…Yes, I've seen it with Kai…that was a wonderful time…

I felt water on my face. I knew I was crying. These were cold tears…no, am I dying…? Is that's the reason why am I crying cold tears…? Cold, Colder, Icy, so icy, the pain…the numbness…going away…painful so painful…

' Oh dear, he must've gone into some kind of shock.'

' Kenny, give me another glass of refrigerated H20, here you go Tala – snap out of it!'

I coughed, I could see things clearer now, I could see Tyson and he was washing my face with water, ' What-'

' Dude, you lost it for a while. You went completely blank…' Tyson helped me to a seat.

' Did I…?'

' Yes, I figured you must have faced shock – too much stress I suppose.' Kenny smiled as he handed me a fresh water bottle, ' Drink up Tala.'

As he unclasped it and I drank Mr. Dickenson's voice swallowed me, ' You need to go to a psychologist too Tala. I can't postpone it any longer…'

I wasn't angry, surprised or hurt – I had been anticipating this, ' Ok, the same one that Kai goes too right?'

' If that's what you want, yes most definitely, you need to be burdened by me again Tala. Please endure me and all this tension a little while longer.' Mr. Dickenson drank some water as well and then proceeded to speak but got interrupted.

' I'm sorry…'

' Tyson…'

' I'm sorry Kenny, Hiro, Mr. Dickenson – I just have been so worried lately…'

' I know Tyson I think I shall speak for everyone when I say we forgive you…' Mr. Dickenson smiled while the victims to Tyson's rage nodded forgivingly, ' The truth is – I didn't know how to tell you people that Boris Valkov is back and not only that…' he trembled, ' He has devised a way to get rid of all of us, his enemies, and the BBA with his scheme which he called "BEGA"'

' What's "BEGA"?' A new voice called out, ' By the looks of this and the murmuring personals in the hallways I think something happened before I came.'

' Yes,' another new voice, I pretty much had my eyes closed, I felt mentally exhausted, ' Tyson expressed our anger at the secrecy Mr. Dickenson has held for long.'

' Daichi thank God you could join us, umm…' Mr. Dickenson stuttered, ' Thank-you Rei for informing Daichi about our misunderstandings.'

So, it was Rei Kon, well he still had more to say, ' Mr. Dickenson, I do humbly ask to reveal everything that you know about this "BEGA" and how we intend to crush it…'

' That's the point Rei…' I looked now as Mr. Dickenson looked melancholic, ' BEGA is soon going to replace the BBA…'

' WHAT?!' We all screamed including Hiro who seemed to not have known this.

' Mr. Dickenson,' Hiro's face paled, ' Is it that serious?'

' I'm afraid it is Hitoshi…' Mr. Dickenson looked like he wanted to cry, ' I also wanted Beyblading to be a pro-sport but as with the limited number of people who have bitbeasts and the intensity of the battles I wasn't sure that we should become so international yet…but, despite Boris's criminal status, he has won the directors and donators to our BBA foundation.'

' They all are corrupt businessman from the beginning.' A strong female voice resonated in the room and a blonde woman with a young blonde man appeared quite confidently amongst us.

' Max!' Kenny called out.

' Kids, this is Judy Tate Mizuhara, she is the BBA spokesperson and chief scientist in the American branch.' Mr. Dickenson introduced the woman, ' And you all know Max Mizuhara her son and one of the chief members of the All Stars team.'

' You mean that glitzy American trashy team…' I snorted, ' I guess you guys might have improved.'

' Nice to see you.' Judy gave me a knowing smile; yup, I remember her.

' Yo, you weren't saying that before Tala!' it was nice to see Max again.

' Go to hell Mustard freak…' I groaned.

' Mom, you didn't teach him any manners…' Max tsk-ed.

' Oh Maxie, he's just indisposed,' I could see through the corner of my eye (as I had closed my eyes again) Judy smirking, ' You know he's happy to see us. We are **his family** after all.'

' Tala has an _American_ _family_…' Tyson dumbly gaped; God, my head was paining.

' We did kinda adopt him.' I heard Max explain. I felt like sleeping, ' He is a member, I mean was a member of Boris's notorious Demolition Boys Gang.'

' Which brings me to say that Ian and Spencer will both join us in this struggle against Boris.'

Dickenson's voice and words caught me, ' Ian…' I gaped, ' Spencer…'

' Yes, Tala, we need them and so do you…' Mr. Dickenson grinned, ' We must stand firm against this threat.'

I could see he was determined to bring them back. ' Ok, well,' I looked a bit out of focus, ' They have their uses.' God, wasn't I indifferent? Actually, it was an act.

' Aren't they your -?' Kenny looked inquisitive.

' Old teammates yeah, kinda, I don't know.'

' So, Boris is back.' Tyson looked extremely serious; nice look, really suits him and that is seriously spoken, ' Why do you think that asshole and that trashy Brooklyn is back…?' he looked angry, ' Can't he just act like a good wounded puppy and keep his tail between his balls!'

' Language Tyson.' Mr. Dickenson obviously disapproved of Tyson's animalistic nature in projecting this; not the perfect kind of animosity.

' I'm sorry but Mr. Dickenson…' he protested, ' THE BBA CAN'T BE REPLACED!'

' It could be Mr. Kinomiya.' Judy explained with an eye quite sharp, ' That part is inevitable. But, what we must do is cease the matter from escalating further from that limit and study the new materials Boris possesses. New Beybladers are also quite keen in taking BEGA seriously as if it were a new empire of sorts. I can understand their misconceptions; they want Beyblading to reach a new space, to see a new era…' then she drew a breath, ' Beyblading is their lives. They want to devote to it entirely and so Boris promises them treasures; jewels, in what they love most. They can earn a living with Beyblading and hone their bitbeasts to the maximum.'

' BUT BEYBLADING CAN'T BE EVERYTHING IN LIFE!'

Immediately, my eyes snapped and I gaze at the overwhelming aura projected by Tyson Kinomiya: everyone was stunned by this grand spectrum of radiance emitting from him; So much confidence and strong the sense of authority.

' Tyson…?' Rei had his cat eyes spilling amber pools – Tyson Kinomiya a.k.a World Champion of Beyblading was saying such a thing?

' Yes, Rei,' he now looked so matured than I realized deep down he wasn't all that childish despite his ways of frivolity _externally_, ' You must be thinking what am I saying but Beyblade is a _**part of life**_ not _**life itself**_.' He then gazed at us intently, ' **God has given me the honor to be Beyblade Champion**,' he paused and pointed at his brother,  
' **He** **has given a magnificent mentor…**' he scanned the entire room, ' **He** **has given me friends like you and a family anyone can die to have…**' then he closed his eyes, ' **Though it still makes me selfish, I do want more things, because I am human but I am also grateful to God to give me all these things!**' then he yelled, ' **I can't say Beyblading is everything; though it's my passion and has partially been my profession I cannot forgo my beliefs, religion, morals, principals and my love for the friends and** **family I have just for the price of being number one in Beyblading!**' then he accentuated, ' **I want to reach new frontiers in Beyblading, I do, because I love it** **but the price? Do I…Must…I…lead astray for the other strings I hold dear…?**' he paused as he regained breath, ' **No, I can't do that, forsake everything else that gives my life meaning all for the single purpose of Beyblading! You may say I'm weak but I love the old-fashioned way of trying my hardest and believing that leaving the rest of it to God for the best! I can't and won't bury that belief! It's my salvation and my sanctuary! I'll never…kill it…' **

Moments were completely drenched, covered and incarcerated in silence. Such words; I felt I needed to swallow raw saliva just to get the words down. I looked incredulously at first; the awesomeness of his speech refrained from completely permeating me and then I felt the gravity. Tyson Kinomiya, the warrior-force, an individual who can cry, sighs, be naïve and also be insightful. This angle made me see the _**real Tyson**_. I could only pretend childishly now that Tyson was only to be a strong blader who was to be challenged. I could feel him pulsate remarkably in me as a portion of me: a facet to the brethren.

Others too were bespectacled by this feat exuded by this warrior. Who knew that such power could come from one who was being catered to mostly by his fifteen year old brother, Underestimation was the fork in the road and we turn the wrong path. Yet, we could always rectify this flaw, this wrong judgment, this grievous error as spoken by the noble _Prince Of Persia_ In _Sands Of Time_ (oh, by the way I liked that game). We felt absorbed like water into an open river somewhere. Inspiration is a creature with the ability to shape her beauty in air, water or rock formations so we weep; hold awe and tightly hold ourselves when that rosy-thorn prick of it gravitates as Newton's apple into our universe.

She spoke first, ' At least I know that this young man is prepared to face this trial,' and then she scrutinized the lot, ' And are you like him willing to stop Boris for crushing all that is sacred!'

' Well we are!'

We observed MingMing, Mariah and…Mariam! When did she…? ' You suppose that The Saint Shields will not fight!' she looked fierce and attractively as the hunter Artemis,  
' We will be present in this struggle…'

' Hey,' MingMing looked around, ' Where is the famously good Kai Hiwatari?'

' He is lost…in his thoughts…' Tyson muttered as he looked downright depressed: Though the glow of his earlier vigor was ever prominent.

I got up, ' I'm going to go and talk to Kai…' I felt more relaxed now then ever, but before the protests, ' But first, I'll go and visit the psychologist…what is her name Mr. Dickenson…?'

' Her name is Miranda Walsh and she is pretty good in dealing with young people with problems.'

' Thank-you, could you give me her number?'

' I've already scheduled an appointment tomorrow at four.'

So, it was not a latent plan; this smirk of mine was guarded and revealed only to myself, ' Thank-you Mr. Dickenson.' I gave him only the justified and prominent gratitude.

I announced, ' I'm tired,' I saw Max giggle – reminds me of that time I told him I won but I let him win in that _Mortal Kombat_ Game, ' I think I'll just go and indispose myself…' I say it wearily like a cuckoo bird out of winding.

' Are you sure you can reach home?' Tyson inquired; he was after all an ally.

' Yes, the abbey has hardened me enough.'

I hear Mariam speak, ' It is quite attractive in a man when he really can speak his problems…' hey eyelids hover between sensuousness and flirtatiousness of a large magnitude and I express a blush at this sexual gesture, ' Of course you are not the sort who _fabricates_ his problems to _seduce_ young women…sympathy is believed to be used in various facades of the "love" or as **the predator claims** it by.'

' But to seduced by a man like Tala isn't so bad.' I knew Mariah was jesting and all boys fiercely painted some reddish spots on their cheeks – in actuality, I saw Rei jerk alive as if Jaws was devouring him and in actuality what she was jesting of wasn't so funny in real life – my thoughts magnetic to poor Kai's dilemma. I had only known from spying. Serena Yutaka was dangerous; a cheap slut.

' **That's not seduction**,' I must have them know truth, ' **It's manipulation**,' then I enforce it, ' I am never going to be so low to fabricate my miseries to hope to catch a girl as Se- I mean stupid people do…' the was a close one, ' **That sort of man isn't a man or human**.'

' Well said and we all agree with it.' Mariah now had kept an agreeable smile and Mariam was also quick in showing assuring with an overall attractive smile and eye gesture of messaging "You are quite right."

The Adults present giggled and laughed – we offered them a spectacle of modern coquetry in motion and truth exposed. Both high levels of matter in young lives: though attraction is not always correct but truth is universal.

However, the strangest thing was that all this time MingMing was grievously silent.

* * *

I had recollected that it was quite the beautiful day. With my recent "I Love Serena" infatuations I had decided to go and take a stroll. It was the utmost necessity that my doomed vessel of such mutant-behavior of the worst sort be rectified and who to calm this infinite storm than a friend as Kenny Kinomoto…whom I bumped miraculously into my path as he was off to buy Beyblade parts for a test blade he entitled "Hooper" - such an encounter was a romantic serendipity – as for I wanted to drown away of the negate feeling of Serena being the tower of all attention in my existence. 

We had bladed with his new blade and I had used some hardcore offensive procedures to see the endurance of the blade that literally hoped as a frog and spun too as a regular blade. Yet, the immensity of Dranzer's "Volcano Imprint Delirium" shattered his left-side disc portion. Kenny could not contort to sadness yet remarked how obviously it required more strength, speed and extra hop extensions. I could not register all his designs and so I voiced it – he apologized yet was too excited to keep confined. I had not seen him so keen after Dizzari left unexpectedly so as he continued shortly for a while I listened in a genuine fascination.

Then, we walked about – ate food in a restaurant – bought DVDS – and saw _I am Sam_, which actually made us slightly sentimental (I don't wanna admit I shed a tear).

Then Tyson handed me the phone as I got out of the shower, ' It's Serena, she called earlier but you were out…'

I should had properly dressed yet in her trap I was then, I actually got happy my "friend" called, ' Hey Serena…'

She sounded drunk. Then she started crying. Then she confessed how she yearned that the- my "I love you" – Serena- phase becomes real. How she covets me and how she cries all over her girlfriends (whom I never met by the way) that why doesn't Kai like me? Then all happened, maybe, in slow motion or a motion of rapidness –

' Kai, I'm so jealous when you talk about other girls. I wanna kill 'em. I wanna kill every two-bit whore like MingMing who told you that they loved you. I loved you – I love you so much. I pray to God that you always be mine. You know when you told me you liked Kaoru Kamiya from Rurouni Kenshin, I tried my best to be all good-hearted like her – trying to learn kendo and stuff then I was so frustrated when I couldn't be like her so I ate her picture –'

' You did what Serena?'

' – then I broke the DVD of Hannibal Rising when you told me you liked Gong Li.'

' You ate a printout of an anime character.''

Words, I can't describe my feelings –

' You already know I masturbate to you. I still wanna marry you –'

' Serena, you sound drunk…'

' Yes I am drunk and No, I'm not Serena, I'm the other personality of Serena called Cassie – I come out when Serena least expects it – I don't really love you I love your brother Tyson. You are a spoiled nobody. I've got one more secret to tell you…'

' What is it?'

My mouth was dry.

' I joined your high school when I saw you.'

That struck me, oh dear I WAS FUCKING AFRAID – GOD, TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.

' I know you aren't gonna call me tomorrow but Serena believes you will – she stood outside your house at two in the morning just to see you…'

' What…?'

GOD, I WAS SO SCARED.

What was she telling?

Did any of this make sense?

I did call her the next day. First, she denied it all telling me she was drunk but then when I pressurized her with screaming my lungs out Instead of apologizing for STALKING ME she made more "love-at-first-sight" shit stories on how beguiled she was with me. My Psychologist told me that Serena was fucked in a way, a fucking pervert (not in those words) but she was hundred-percent RIGHT!

HONEST TO GOD!

I called MingMing at midnight of that day telling her these things; SHE WAS SHOCKED.

Then Serena had the nerve to call me and lie that MingMing called her telling her how upset I was, I told her off, ' I told you I wasn't now will you cut this shit out!' I remember her laughing as a whore as I cut off the phone.

She still called MingMing and Tyson – the worst part was she was telling me jokes , dirty jokes about these people I love and I thought they were the way she depicted them and I grew a perverted enjoyment in degrading Tyson my own brother and MingMing my best friend – I confessed. They forgave me and told that slut never to call back.

MingMing said she saw Serena only once in school after that…then she vanished.

I did not understand.

I cried in front of my psychologist.

In my room:

Was I in love?

Did she really do those things?

For Months I contemplated, seriously I did.

I wanted to know the truth

THE ABSURDITY HAS NO WORDS TO CLAIM IT A PROPER DESCRIPTION AS HATE, ANGER, FRUSTRATION AND EVEN SEXUALITY MUDDLED AND CREATED THOUGHTS I COULDN'T DESCRIBE AS SHE STUCK ON MY HEAD AS A LEECH ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

Because I realized whatever Serena Yutaka told me was a lie! Her Hardships, her so called ex-boyfriend (probably she raped the dude) it was all a mere fabrication. The quickest to get my respect, love and friendship: she almost succeeded.

She told MingMing, ' Kai only thinks about Beyblade he's so immature…' when she had told me I was matured enough to get her entirely.

She criticized Hiromi and even had the nerve to say, ' She ain't trustworthy Kai…'

Though the pain is gone it is not gone completely…it had waned…but at first I felt lonely, I thought I loved her (at times I still do) but I realized it was all her mind games (she did always take an interest in psychology, told me she took classes and tried to explain stuff) but when MingMing told me I was in denial that I did love her I realized I wasn't happy when I said I loved her…but I did love her as my friend…so, the pain was etched in as an axe to the head…my heart broke more in pieces than I remembered and it was my fault too for befriending this hellish slut…

I LIVED IN ABSOLUTE FEAR, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY IN MONTHS WITH SHRIEKS, SCREAMS, YELLS, SHUDDERS AND NO RELIEF…If satan had a prick than she was the incarnation of it…I NEVER PAINED SO BADLY…

The last thing of importance she told MingMing, when she semi-censored the things she did, ' I tried to make my mentality like Kai's and be his girl…and no one is gonna believe if Kai tells them those things I did…they'll laugh at him…'

SHE WAS A LYING WHORE AND EVERYONE I TOLD HER ANTICS TO PUKED AND SAID SHE WAS F-U-C-K-E-D.

I STILL CRY

IT IS BECAUSE OF HER THE CONCEPTS OF LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND OPENNESS I HELD HAS BECOME MUTALATED.

Even now at times I think I loved her…maybe, I knew I was falling into a trap so the "love" wasn't real…but IT HURT…I trusted her and she was playing a cat and mouse game with me…But as I said I never get happy when I say I love her. It is only my heartache that tries to define itself.

FUCK HER THAT SLUT

I GUESS I AM STILL AFRAID OF ENCOUNTERING HER BUT…I WILL BE BRAVE…I AM HEALING AS SOME MONTHS HAS PASSED AND I KNOW WITH BELIEF I'LL MAKE IT…

GOD WILL GUIDE ME…I AM A PHOENIX SO, "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN."

* * *

' And then, Kai was spared…' 

' Do you think…you're responsible for all of this…'

' No, of course not…it's just…'

' Yes…?'

' I think Kai has had a breakdown…'

' In a way he has…I feel that your lives though sad have different approaches…'

' Everyone's sadness is **different and the same**…'

' That is true in a sense Tala…'

' Miranda – can I call you that?'

' Yes…'

' Miranda, I'm a – scared for Kai…'

' Yes, he is going through a period of delusion…'

' And…?'

' I can't expand more on the subject Tala, he too is my patient…'

' He told me he feels nausea if he ever thought of Serena and/or thinks of her that way suddenly in any sexual or romantic terms…'

' Period of delusion…he must force his thoughts away from Serena… now, you tell me your childhood.'

' You must know from Kai…'

' We are here for you…'

' Shall I start at the abbey?'

' No.'

'No…?'

' No, Tala, I believe you remember more than the abbey, before it…'

' Judy told you.'

' Yes and No.'

' Meaning…?'

' I think you remember your parents…you look came –'

' You haven't explained the "yes-no" thing.'

'…I am getting there Tala, patience, as I said – I know for a fact when you came in and when you started talking about your life, your crushes but I see you don't mention parents…'

' I never had parents…'

' Were they deceased…?'

' Yes…?'

' Tell me, then, how did they die…?'

' I…don't know…'

' Have you tried to know.'

' No.'

' You just ended up in the abbey with the tooth-fairy.'

' You sure are sarcastic for a shrink.'

' Tell the truth Tala.'

' MY MOM ABANDONED ME OKAY!'

' Then…before and after…'

' You…really…wanna know…'

' Yes…'

' Fine…I…'

' Tell me everything.'

' Well…'

' Yes…?'

' I was born in Moscow Russia and I am a pure Russian – unlike Kai who is half Japanese – I recollect very little of any form of happiness. We lived in a shabby apartment and my mother's cooking was rotten. At the time she gave birth to me she looked so young; I realized this as I grew older. I often would notice people staring and laughing and as I was young at that point I thought they were being happy. In actuality, the stares were disapproval and the youth who laughed and stared where my mother's old, former classmates…I came to know this as my dad slurred it out after a heavy drinking bout…then punched me…not so hard…cursed at my whore-mother and said this…"Seventeen year old slut" and I gasped and I asked what slut meant which was the first "bird and the bees" lecture I had gotten…'

' Did you go out to the parks? Your mother's classmates saw you there?'

' Yes, you are correct Miranda. I always wanted to go outside because our apartment smelled horribly stale and I didn't know what I could do inside except talk to imaginary friends…so it was healthy to relieve the pain of poverty…This is when I recalled a pretty girl calling out to my mother – "Oh look fellas she **got **herself **a boy! **A Redheaded one like the father! Oh he'll grow up to be a fuck-on just like his dad" and another pretty but younger girl said, " Nina is so **advanced** than all of us now!" – I did not understand the words then but as they jeered it I was fascinated by it, so, I repeated it to my mother, who looked sad, then I repeated to my father, who looked mad and commented " Sluts, all of ya." Then I heard mom scream. He at times used to beat her. He later on…repeated what those schoolmates had jeered to me when my mom had left. I found out later on that my mom was a brilliant student who excelled well in her studies and that she got mixed with the wrong man. My dad at that time was twenty-eight and just like any coward brainwashed my mom. She thought she loved him as she thought of him often and so gave herself to him. Later onwards her parents drove her out when they found out about her pregnancy. My dad worked in an office as a handyman of sorts and was very unreliable. He took my mom in God knows why but it wasn't **out of love I guarantee you that**. She came from a good home. And unfortunately a rich one, with maids and grandeur: she couldn't boil water or make tea and so my dad was pretty harsh on her calling her useless and other _pleasant_ stuff which might make your ears bleed – so, my mother was forced to learn, to avoid my father's own sloth and uselessness. She could have died; my dad told me she was bleeding like she was releasing a year's bout of menstrual blood, these perverted statements came out of him quite naturally when he was drunk. So, after my miserable existence came to be established she was sick and weak but Dad said she only acted that way so she would not do her sacred duties as his wife, what he was forgetting was that Nina, my mom, wasn't his wife and he was being like a more fucked up version of Torvald Helmer from Henrik Ibsen's play _A Doll's House_. My mom's maiden name was unknown to me as my Dad didn't say it; his name was Frank Ivanov, a very foreign sounding name though a Russian one, and my whole name was Tala Yuri Ivanov – my mom loved calling me Yuri so my dad just never used it.'

' Why did your mom leave exactly…? And…all the information of your mom…I bet your dad didn't tell you all of it…'

' No, of course, he hated my mom for leaving him with me; he screamed, "What I am gonna do with a boy! Only slags need children for begging, the other job they do besides whoring!" And I trembled each time I heard him scream. The woman who lived a few doors away in another apartment was kind. She took care of me, fed me and loved me as her own telling me how she feels how I am like her grandchild as her own child refuses to speak to her. When I asked her why; she refrained from answering me. I was four when she told me that my grandfather had come to see Nina, my mom. He was upset he drove her out. But my mom hadn't been honest. She told my grandfather…that I had died at birth…so he would agree to take her home. She thought that one look at me would change his mind; as I lay, naively asleep, unaware as my dad went to go get drunk, and my granddad wasn't at all pleased. He almost strangled her screaming obscenities and then this kind woman Mrs. Gary (she was married to an American) came to rescue her. My Granddad was displeased all right. Told her that she brought filth to their family name and now she must be satisfied by being "A nobody". My mom cried and cried. My birthday was near. She gave a nice little scarf, she knitted it herself, it was very long and could be used for an adult – as I said she was still inexperienced and learning. Then she was gone. I heard that she did odd jobs here and there and then got some money from some kind cousin and then struggled for a higher education elsewhere. She wanted to forget me and Frank; I couldn't blame her you know she was only seventeen.'

' Tell me Tala, you wrote down in your school that you were nineteen when you are only sixteen why?'

' I hated the idea of being treated differently.'

' Explain.'

' Doesn't a brilliant psychologist like yourself think that out by herself?'

' Better hear it from the cocky prodigy.'

' You aren't nice!'

' Well, so, aren't you. Are you gonna explain?'

' You spoke it yourself…I can't be called Mr. Prodigy…'

' Explain.'

' You see in the Abbey I was considered really smart so I experienced many forms of difficulties. Many boys loathed me, hated me, they thought I was too smart for my own good. Boris admired me, praised me, and knighted me into his area of extreme attention. Of course the bastard Brooklyn Masefield Kingston too fitted that area but I never really liked being that special because it cost me a normal growth. Boris demanded more from me, but where Brooklyn loved to serve I did not.'

' What about Kai?'

' Kai was not fully prodigious in Boris's books but he had a high intelligence that could be synchronized with his plans and Voltaire's if Kai paid attention but Kai was the good kind of rebel who would never consider that kind of pandering.'

' This Brooklyn-boy was he a menace…a thorn…?'

' He was the bully, the lucifer of our crew, I though he could change but I don't know – there's some who can't…like I figured that Yutaka whore who has manipulated with Kai's feelings.'

' Yes, Tala – there is some people who can never change…it is just the way they are…'

' Isn't it a psychologist's duty to think otherwise.'

' No, a psychologist's duty, a real one's is to care, but if one does not want to cure their own troubles than there is little you can do for them.'

' What if…they feel…they can't or you can't…'

' Those are misled feelings like Kai's feelings towards Serena – they are a habitual mantra that exists only to calm a frenzied mind but they are not the truth. The truth is that is a negative course of thinking that should not exist.'

' Did you notice…how things stand still, when you are not in motion…'

' Explain.'

' I mean things go fast if you are moving nor else –'

' – they feel like they are inanimate; not responding, yes, it happens.'

' Do you think Kai feels like that?'

' Do **you** feel like that?'

' Yes and No.'

' Then I believe he might as well – it's a human feeling, everyone feels it at some point in their lives.'

' Even you doctor?'

' Before being a doctor I am a human. Hence, I do feel so.'

' Do you meditate to pull yourself out of it?'

' Any positive action can censure it's gestation, one must be willing to overcome sloth.'

' Then maybe, there might be hope for me.'

' There is hope for anyone who is willing to seize it.'

' Even for the slut Serena Yutaka?'

' We are not discussing Miss Yutaka right now.'

' Answer my question!'

' No.'

' You believe a slut like her can be forgiven!'

' I can't judge her.'

' Why not Walsh you're the shrink?!'

' Yes, but right now you are prominent not Miss Yutaka, or Serena…though, I will be honest, she sounds like a pervert.'

' A pervert…?'

' Yes. Kai has told me certain things that are disturbingly orchestrated by Serena…'

' Such as…?'

' Those are confidential.'

' Hey you analyzed her, you judged her, right now.'

' As a normal viewpoint not so analytically.'

' Do you think what she did to Kai was right?'

' Personally and professionally: _**NO**_.'

' Never?'

' Never Tala.'

' Even if she possessed inner demons would you support her?'

' I must know the demons first Tala, do **you** think she has them?'

' Yes – everyone fears but – I think it's no excuse to try to fuck up Kai. He loved her so immensely as a friend what she did was appalling.'

' True – I do agree.'

' I wonder if Prem would think the same…'

' Who is Prem?'

' My childhood friend…'

' From Russia?'

' Yes.'

' Well Tala you talked about Mrs. Gary – why haven't you spoken about Prem – he sounds like an Indian boy.'

' He is.'

' Are you in bad terms now?'

' No – just, I was reluctant to bare everything to you at one go.'

' Tala, you must speak if I am to help you…you need not fear. You know I am not your enemy.'

' Yes but I just can't bare my soul at one go – there are sixteen years in there and though I consider many things redundant it is long, the memories and all.'

' Yes, true, but please, do not fear. Now, tell me about Prem.'

' Actually I was also thinking what Raihan would think as well.'

' Is Raihan also another friend from Russia?'

' Yes, and he too was Indian. Their families were temporarily staying in Russia, possibly as government servants.'

' So, what were they like?'

' They were both older than me, both ten, and very nice. Yeah, I still talk to them at times – Prem Chopra and Raihan Naik.'

' It seems to me one of them was a Muslim boy and the other a Hindu boy.'

' Well I always have friends of other religions, it may be because I was born in an atheist home.'

' An atheist home?'

' My mom seemed Christian but my Dad, he was a loose cannon, I never really saw him being religious.'

' You know that necessarily does not make him an atheist Tala.'

' I know, I was an atheist temporarily, that's why I am using the terminology – sound's catchy.'

' How long were you an atheist?'

' I don't think I was fully one but I was a semi-pagan in the fuck-house called Valkov Abbey.'

' I see – so, let's hear about Raihan and Prem.'

' Well Prem was from Hyderabad and Raihan was from Calcutta – but they had been friends before it seems in Playgroup, which is their kindergarten, in Delhi. So, naturally, they were happy to be reunited in Russia. In fact, it was they who sparked my initial interest in Beyblading.'

' Were they Beybladers as well?'

' Oh yes, they are five years older than me but both are now pursuing two different careers.'

' And they are…?'

' Prem might become a university professor, he is a genius at mathematics, he might even write math books; as for Raihan, he wants to be an architect.'

' They seem quite talented.'

' They are – both my mentors and my friends – they taught me a lot of their own individual cultures, religions and languages – I guess it was because of them I became a person really interested in being a nomad.'

' A nomad?'

' Yes, to see a broader world that was beyond Russia, filled with different customs, religions, cultures and sights.'

' So are you able to speak Hindi?'

' I am able to speak Hindi and Bangla in a fractured manner. I only at times converse with them in those languages.'

' Really – let's hear something then, in both languages.'

' Ok umm – _Mera Naam Tala_ – _Amar Naam Tala_ – I just told my name, first in Hindi, then in Bangla, otherwise known as Bengali.'

' The word "Naam" seems to be similar in both languages.'

' Yes, but they are pronounced differently Miranda – "Naam" in Hindi seemingly has a lighter tone than in Bangla – it is because both languages have been partially derived from the ancient language Sanskrit.'

' So, did those two boys gave give you this information?'

' Naturally, well I do talk to Prem at times and Raihan as well. You see they didn't know about me running away from my home or going to the Abbey, they had left Russia at that time, but, they had seen it in the news – though authorities wanted this piece of "children-Beyblade cult/army" to be a secret as it was almost a Shame to Russia – some portions were shown and they said that they were surprised to see me, they knew it was me, they said they couldn't forget me, so they requested their parents to make an inquiry. After I went to live with Mrs. Judy Mizuhara and her son, Max, we got reacquainted again via phone and internet, and occasional visits.'

' They are as close to you as Kai?'

' Yes, but at times Kai is closer.'

' That is because…?'

' Because Kai needs more protecting than them.'

' Really?'

' Yeah, Miranda; Kai may seem like an adult, but he's only fifteen. Sure, he is matured but – there are some things teenagers, even adults, can't handle and the Serena-issue is one of them, she's such a phony bitch.'

' Do you hate her that tremendously?'

' Naturally, duh.'

' Do you think Kai has any fault in this?'

' Aside from caring and the misconception that she could be trusted, maybe not, he is still naïve, We all are sometimes.'

' Tala, what do you think you would do if you were in Kai's shoes right about now: If the Serena-thing was your problem?'

' I would talk to friends, divert my attention elsewhere, pursue activities, pray to God – I'll do the things needed that won't start to hurt me or anyone in the long process.'

' Do you think Kai does all these things?'

' You sure are interested in Kai now.'

' Yes, to see you in him.'

' Ok, what does that mean, you're taking hints to analyze him?'

' Not exactly, I'm trying to see in the axis the relationship you share with him.'

' It is romantic.'

' Your relationship with Kai?'

' Yes.'

' Do you love him?'

' Obviously.'

' Have you confessed your feelings?'

' No, Kai already knows them – he doesn't mind because I'm like his brother.'

' Brother? But do you not wish to be his lover?'

' Lady, what are you talking about?! I don't swing that way!'

' Calm down Tala, you, yourself are saying –'

' Oh God, no, I meant romantic in the sense of aesthetics, the bond we share, we can be Siamese twins – it isn't romantic in the sense of romantic love, for the record I'm not homophobic, as I said I have multitudes of friends of different kinds. I'm sorry but I was using the word romantic as the symbolic reference to the intense partnership in friendship not in its usual sense. I overreacted; it was natural for you to misconstrue this fact.'

' It's alright Tala, I'm sorry for the mistake, so, tell me – do you think Kai would do all these things?'

' No, at times he doesn't. You see Kai has become a hermit due to his experiences and well, I guess any sort of loner with any sort of experiences may feel the same way he is feeling about the Serena-issue, but you see at times Kai does long for Serena because the proximity he had with her was immense so he is confused about whether he loves her or not.'

' But, you think?'

' I think its all amount of bullcrap that Serena-slut pounced on Kai, she must have seen how taciturn and reserved he was, she must have glimpsed at his sorrow, and though he is strong, he is also vulnerable and she molded that to her sick perverseness – in your words she is a big fat pervert!!!! So no, he doesn't really love her, though the mantra bloody murders him.'

' As I deduced. You were saying other people may also have faced this…do you know anyone?'

' Well yeah loads, one recent example is my Muslim friend Mehnaz who I chat on YAHOO. Some guy did this shit to her and she was really depressed for a long time until she started fasting for the Holy Month in Islam called Ramadan; she prayed immensely and got respite after a LONG TIME. Poor girl, great friend though.'

' As you were once an semi-atheist I need to ask you, do you think that religion is the solution for these discrepancies in life?'

' Well it depends on the Almighty Creator on which way He wants you to find your peace and I think it is the system and the approach I go for that doesn't make you further decline and you drag others down along with you – also see drugs, sex and alcohol – I tried to drown my sorrows with those shit but it is only temporary. So, yeah religion is a good thing because I have many friends who find their salvations in their Temples, Synagogues, Churches and Mosques, meaning in their prayers according to their religions, so as long they find their sanctuaries along the right path, one can't really say "no, praying is not effective".'

' You just admitted that you were addicted to sex, drugs and alcohol Tala.'

' Well, I guess you are the priest I made my confession to.'

' Don't be sarcastic Tala, tell me, where you-'

' Yeah, promiscuous, alcoholic and crack-head, until I was fourteen.'

' And Judy didn't –'

' She was the one who helped me stop. Max was afraid but he aided his mom to seek out my joints, bottles and occasionally the prostitute I was banging.'

' Is that term figurative or literal?'

' What? Prostitute? Well, I guess both ways.'

' Where you that depressed?'

' C'mon Lady you give Biovolt a try than you'll know.'

' And what about Prem and Raihan? Did they help?'

' Yeah, Judy called them up at times and they would come as soon as they were free.'

' Kai knew nothing.'

' Kai wanted me away!'

' That made it worse?'

' Many ways, yes.'

' So did Prem and Raihan know about Bryan?'

' Bryan, who?'

' Don't act Tala, Bryan your teammate and the boy you ran away with.'

' No, they didn't. I seldom spoke of him to Max and Judy.'

' So, tell me about him.'

' He took the same crap I did, was from a broken home, the usual.'

' Elaborate.'

' You know I think my time is up…'

' I have no other patients – I'll give you time.'

' Fine. You ready Miranda?'

' Ahoy Captain Tala…'

' I met Bryan spinning his beyblade one snowy Saturday morning, when I was out kicking the snow, covered in bruises from my dad's _affections_. That's the day I met Wolborg.'

* * *


End file.
